Bloodmarsh Krackoon (2013) — Triskaidekafiles

BLOODMARSH KRACKOON

WRITER: Jerry Landi

DIRECTOR: Jerry Landi

STARRING: Sal Amore as Peter Rabbi

Joseph Ferri as Tommy Caputo

Gina DiSalvatore Longarzo as Sue

Don Conte as Stu Backer

Martin Vanihel as Marty

Scott Barrie as Scott

Rosario Russo as Bennie Balzone

Lil Bob McCall as Anthony

Alfonzo Hollis as Jerry

Cynthia Guyer as Millie

QUICK CUT: Tommy and his pets visit the old folks home in town.

THE MORGUE

Tommy - A young man, not as young as he was ten minutes ago, who is just kinda breezing through life, hoping to keep his head above water and out of the attention of the cops. Kind, gentle, and friendly.

Sue - A kindly nurse at the local old folks home who helps out Tommy.

Peter Rabbit - The deputy mayor who is now thrust into the uneasy role of actual mayor. He’s not the straightest of arrows, but he does want to help his community.

Millie - Peter’s mom, a resident in the central old folks home, and she is a talker.

Benny Balzone - Local mobster and real estate magnate, who is always looking for new land to clear and build something cheap on it. He’s playing dumb, literally, so he can get away with his criminal activities.

If you experience bloodmarsh for longer than four hours, please consult your physician.

TRISK ANALYSIS: Welcome back, Triskelions! One of the biggest clues that I wasn't done yet, was that I had teed up a series of killer raccoon movies earlier in the year, and there was still more to go. And here we are. With the sequel to Krackoon, BLOODMARSH Krackoon. And don't worry if you missed the first movie, this one handily recaps it during the credits for the first five minutes. Thanks!

The movie picks up right where the first left off, with the bodies left behind by Redeye's rampage being carted away in ambulances. Then Peter Rabbit arrives on the crime scene, the unlikely survivor, being upgraded to acting mayor.

Pete says that because of everything going on, he has to "conduct business out of his home". Translation: "We could only afford to film in our house.

We go through a bunch of interviews kinda setting the stage and doing the heavy lifting of a bit more recapping as the cleanup happens, and finally we catch up with Benny Balzone, who is playing up being mentally unfit, to get away with all the illegal dumping he is now suspected of being responsible for.

That's when Tommy wanders back into the plot, scavenging for food for himself and Redeye, now that he's on the run in the wake of his parents' murders.

He's busily raiding trash bins outside a nursing home (Spoiler, the same one Balzone is gonna be admitted to shortly), and befriends some of the residents there. They bring him in and protect him.

Meanwhile, the two dudes who killed Blowjob get hauled in by the guy who ordered the hit, because the body was found, and he knows they lied about what happened. They kill the drug dealer and his guards, so, uh? Is that a tied up plotline? Does it matter? A lot of this feels like a digression, and the stuff with these two doesn’t really go anywhere, aside from “Well, they were in the first movie!”

From there, we get a bit of carnage as some random thief tries to break into a place where a stripper is consoling her kid after a nightmare, and he's attacked by one of the irradiated mutated green glowing children of Redeye the Krackoon.

I'll let y'all have a moment to absorb that sentence.

While Peter Rabbit investigates the scene, suspicious it might be the krackoon that nearly took his life, and learning there might be two! we see the babies being taken care of by a girl who thinks they're puppies.

Hey, I saw a skunk when I was her age and thought it was a kitty, so I'm not gonna judge.

Back at the nursing home, they're getting ready for Balzone's arrival, and one of the nurses, Sue, discovers Tommy hiding in the basement. And I think she was in the first movie, but I need to check.

Sue decides to open up her home to Tommy, until he can figure out something, and get him out from the nursing home where police will be wandering.

The two goons show up at Peter Rabbit's to see if he needs some hired goons, and he takes them on to go krackoon hunting.

Back at Sue's place, she wants to know the truth about what happened, so Tommy fills her in on the previous movie, and the existence of Redeye.

Don’t put in Guardians of the Galaxy AGAIN!

She takes all this really well, considering she has a weird, mutated raccoon hopped up on crack living in a gym bag in her house. But to allay her fears, Tommy lets Redeye loose for a few days. Yeah, that will go well.

Meanwhile, some of the orderlies at the nursing home are raiding the rooms of their patients, to see what goodies they have that are worth stealing. Anthony and Jerry debate whether or not they should add Balzone to the list, but they give in to their base natures. And Anthony pays the price by discovering how not mentally unfit Balzone really is.

We kill a bit of time with Redeye killing random people, before we catch back up with Peter and the goons before they get ready to hunt krackoons. Oh, and Pete's mom is one of the nursing home residents. This is almost too complicated and too coincidental.

It's not long before Mayor Rabbit hears about the murders sprouting up all over town, and he and the goons show up to see what they can see.

Finally, Redeye tracks down her kids, who have been well taken care of by the little girl, and things start creeping into the final act.

Did you brush your teeth? Did you say your prayers??

Back at the nursing home, Balzone is being evaluated by a doctor. And this entire subplot feels like such a waste of time, padding out the movie. If it wasn't a character from the other movie, I'd be annoyed as hell.

To make a long story not quite as long, Balzone's lawyer stomps one of Redeye's babies, sending the momma krackoon into a vengeful rage, which makes Millie call her son, and everyone converges on the nursing home.

And it could just have been a rather fun, ridiculous fight with people being murdered by a hand puppet and wind up toy raccoons, but oh. Oh this movie goes the extra mile.

BECAUSE REDEYE CONTINES TO MUTATE AND GROWS TO GIANT SIZE MAN IN SUIT!!

Now, the size change, I would argue, actually makes sense. There's only so much you can get away with a stuffed animal/hand puppet, even in this sort of movie, that isn't just an actor fighting with themselves. Evolving Redeye to a giant man-sized raccoon, allows you to have a person playing the part, and manhandling people.

Anyways, needless to say, the raccons tear through the place with murder and mayhem, killing most of the bad characters, including Balzone and his lawyer, so at least justice has been served.

Pete and the goons get the old folks out, and Tommy with Redeye, and the kids not far behind, saunter off into the sunrise, probably leading into an eventual third movie so there can be a final confrontation between these groups.

The downside of man in suit krackoon, is the absolute ridiculousness of them walking on all fours.

TRISK ASSESSMENT

Video: Looks pretty good, as anything from 2013 should.

Audio: Sounds solid too.

Sound Bite: "How many people are dead in this town? It's starting to sound like a Stephen King novel!"

Body Count: A decent enough showing in this area, although most of them are fairly random.

1 - 20 minutes in and Nickelbags is shot by the goons

2 - And then they take out one of bodyguards

3 - And then another is shot in the face

4 - Some rando thief gets bitten by a radioactive krackoon

5 - Random mechanic gets eaten by Redeye

6 - Redeye eats up one prostitute

7 - And then snacks on another

8 - And then she eats off an abusive boyfriend's dick

9 - One of Redeye's babies gets curbstomped.

10 - Giant Redeye grabs the tall orderly Jerry

11 - Anthony gets eaten by one of the babies while on the john.

12 - Giant Redeye eats a nurse

13 - Random dude gets eaten by a baby

14 - Balzone gets eaten by a baby

15 - And then Giant Redeye gets revenge on the lawyer

16 - Random dude gets pounced by raccoons

Best Corpse: Random mechanic dude wins this one, when they pull out half his body from under a car.

Blood Type: C+: It’s got some decent splashes, but nothing quite reaches the creativity of the first movie.

Sex Appeal: Some briefly implied stuff with some of Redeye’s kills.

Drink Up! Every time Balzone does his mentally unfit act.

Movie Review: I definitely don’t like this one as much as the first movie. There’s too many characters from the first movie that are just kinda there. It never all quite comes together to pay off their presence. And most of the kills feel tacked on because you gotta have ‘em. Still, at least it’s otherwise well made, and they get creative. The acting is all right. All in all, it just doesn’t quite pull off the same trick as the first one, but it’s a bit of all right. A three out of five baby green krackoons.

Entertainment Value: It’s definitely silly. It has it’s moments of entertainment. Even the digressions like the goons and the orderly give you smiles. And when the kills do sneak in, at least they are fun. But again, just lesser to the original. They made it longer, and the short run time was the strength of the first one. It got in, did it’s thing, and ran. Two out of five orderlies.