Triskaidekafiles is a love letter to cheesy cinema from the 80s and 90s, with the occasional dip into other eras.  if you're a fan of MST3K, Elvira, Joe Bob Briggs, or just bad horror movies in general, Trisk is the place for you.

What I'm Watching: Bio-Slime

Well, this was interesting.

Bio-Slime is a little movie about a sludgey creature being realised in a loft/apartment complex and has a blast eating everyone up.

I quite frankly thought this was going to be terrible.

It's low to no budget, it's not a terribly unique plot, and the whiff of bad acting was coming off the DVD.

But uh...I actually rather liked this?

Yes, the acting is terrible.  TERRIBLE!  But it's one of those things when you know they only had a take, maybe two, for any given shot that you kinda shrug and accept it.  So many line deliveries made me wince.

As did so many plot holes.

But...but...they were having fun, they really were.  And surprisingly, the effects were VERY good for this level of thing.  Seriously, just for the effects alone this is worth seeing.  There is some great slime work, great creature design, and some okay to dodgy CG work.  But they stick with practical effects for the most part.

The setup is terribly complex, having the briefcase containing our creature, supposedly created in a lab?  By the government?  But also says it's very old?  It's never really clear on the origins, but oh well.  Anyways, the briefcase passes through several hands in several deals going wrong, and double crosses up the wazoo.  It eventually ends up in the apartment of an artist, who, I shit you not, looks in the briefcase and decides to twist the keys to release the thing from the container, because that's a thing you do!

That's the reason things go wrong, right there.  He did it for shits and giggles.  And he was drunk.  Oh my gods.

That level of ballsy, insane plotting is ALL over Bio-Slime.  They decide to toss out any pretense for trying to have breasts in the movie and just say, you know what?  Let's have the artist living/working next door to a low-rent porno business.  Instant excuses to show flesh!

But yeah, the writing is so laughable, but in the good way, and the effects are great, with creative kills.

This movie somehow manages to be at once utterly bad, and amazing to watch.  And even without the enterainment value, it is still better than Clown Hunt.

Who knew I would be pleasantly surprised by a killer assimilating slime movie that doesn't like alcohol?  It really is the exact sort of movie that this site, and Trisk fans, should love.  So bad, but so fun, all at once.