Ionopsis (1997) — Triskaidekafiles

IONOPSIS

WRITERS: Screenplay by Jan Kafka and Patrick B. Johnson

DIRECTOR: Patrick B. Johnson

STARRING: Nicoll Bacharach as Lord Yhakin
Patrick B. Johnson as Lieutenant
Brian Brown as Top
Robert Dunham as Yten
Kimberly Flagler as Mira
Barbara Geary as Sarge
Joey Jelenic as Boshe
Judie Klein as T.C.
Ashley Strand as Seren
Terry Whittaker as Dhomus
Christian Zinser as Ridney

QUICK CUT: Explorers negotiate with a native tribe.

THE MORGUE

Yahkin - A sorcerer, soldier, and ‘gatherer’ for the Sardosian Empire, in service of his grandfather, Sardos. He is at odds with many of his grandfather’s ways, and his family’s excesses, but he has a philosophy of it’s better than what he could be doing. Better to rule in hell, and all that. He doesn’t seem like a BAD guy, just someone with a twisted worldview, and even then, he fights against it as best he can. He leads a group of soldiers to do his grandfather’s bidding, and is hard, but fair.

Lieutenant - Yahkin’s second in command, who comes from another world, and serves as Yahkin’s conscience. He longs for simpler times, and misses his home. I am gonna call him “Lou” for the rest of this review, because I hate trying to spell Lieutenant. And they gave him no other name. There was a possible name given, but it’s hard to hear.

Seren - A native of the world Yahkin and his crew are exploring. He’s rebellious, feels trapped by his small worldview, and longs to see the stars and have adventures.

Mira - Seren’s sister, who is a bit more grounded, and is sweet on Lou. She’s a bit naive, but that’s more due to circumstances. She is eager to broaden her horizons, but not to the more cutthroat extent of Seren.

TRISK ANALYSIS: Welcome back, Triskelions! A year or so ago, I looked at a DIY fantasy flick called Way Bad Stone. And while that didn't live up to the movie I had built up in my mind, I DID quite enjoy it. Also included on the disc was another movie from the same people, and it's a bit more scifi, a bit more polished, and has a bit more plot. It's this week's review, and it's called Ionopsis.

The movie begins with some narration by our main character, Lord Yahkin, about how there is a multiverse of worlds, and he has the ability to open gateways to these worlds, as well as other feats of magic.

Yahkin's grandfather is something of a mad king, and he uses his powers and forces to take over world after world, to increase his power and influence. And deal with his boredom. We find our main character and his band of merry men as they are finishing conquering a new world for the collection.

Things don't go entirely smoothly, but the Sardosian forces are too powerful, and Yahkin finishes up the job.

Yahkin and his men head back to the throneworld, and await an audience with Emperor Sardos, Yahkin's grandfather. And trust me, if I could find a way to squeeze in a joke about a giant stone head, I would.

While they wait, Yahkin chats with his lieutenant or "skel" which means, how to put this...basically a chosen victim from another world, that they take under their wing. A bit like a ward, a bit like a right hand man, a bit of a confidant, and in some cases, lover. The movie implies a deep bond, and despite both men voicing misgiving over their actions, it is clear who is in charge here.

But the emperor calls his grandson in, and Yahkin takes his latest hostage, the prince from the previous world, through a handful of sets that are not much better than some of the sets in Die Hard Dracula. Doctor Who is gonna be around any given corner, I'm sure.

Any idea what time the bus usually gets here?

The captive notes they've traveled through various locations, but have taken no stairs, and they establish the castle is a tesseract, and all these areas exist in separate planes. I'd love to get an outdoor, birdseye view, but the budget just ain't there. Fun concept, though/

Along the way, we meet more of Yahkin's family, and that his given name is Roger. Can I call him that for the rest of the movie? Is it okay if I deadname him? Trying to type Yahkin correctly is killing me.

If you thought Yahkin was bad, with a bit of a cruel streak, the rest of his family are so, so much worse. They're hedonists, they see themselves as superior, and everyone else are merely their playthings. Yahkin at least seems to have some moral core to him, even if he's doing his best in a bad situation.

Yahkin is the sort who is constantly seeking his grandfather's approval, and never receiving it. Nothing is ever good enough. Although he also seems at odds with his grandfather's desires and methods, so I think he's better off.

Sardos shows off his new greenhouse, and his attempts to grow a very rare flower, an ionopsis, to impress a diplomat to allow them to build an embassy. But he has no green thumb, and every attempt he makes, dies. So, the plot of the movie is revealed; travel to another world where they have a macguffin to help grow the flower, and take it by will or by force.

We then meet the rest of Yahkin's squad as they prepare to travel to the new world, and it's an NTZ. No Tech Zone. So no guns, all swords.

Everyone gathers in the gatero...er, portal chamber, and Yahkin opens the doorway to the planet we're going to visit. I hope it looks like the forests of British Columbia.

Once they arrive on the planet, Lou is immediately grabbed by a pair of local grunts. The rest of the squad watches and Yahkin tells his skel to leave one alive for questioning.

While he is outnumbered, Lou takes the pair out pretty quickly, being the better fighter, but the questioning doesn't go so well, because the translation spells are having problems. Must be using AI.

There is a brief thing about a building off in the distance, that doesn't jibe with this being an NTZ. I don't remember if this is ever dealt with, but for now, we head off into the forest in search of Bogwart's charm. Note, sometimes it sounds like they call it BORGWART’S charm, but I’m sticking with the first one.

Answer my questions, and make it quick! Doctor Who has this quarry booked for 9:13!

Yahkin's crew becomes slowly aware that they are being watched, and the good news is, he is sure he can make them talk, provided they can catch them. But, they want to try diplomacy first, so there's no killing to be done. Yet. But they remain ready if things go south.

The natives finally reveal themselves, and naturally a fight breaks out. It seems more difficult than one might think, but the Sardosians are probably going easy on them, even beyond the "no killing."

Yahkin gets tired of this, and sends out a magic blast as "plan B". However, it is clear that it fizzled more than boomed, as we will find out magic is as screwy on this world as tech is. Still, he makes the best of it and says this was but a taste of his power, a warning shot, if you will.

With hostilities ceased, the village elder, Yten, offers the visitors a place to stay, and a warm meal, so they can parlay and see what they can do for each other.

So they meet for dinner, we meet Yten's nephew and niece, Seren and Mira, and one of them will take Yten's place as leader. Seren was the one who started all this in the forest, notably.

We spend some time chatting, which isn't exactly Yahkin's specialty, but it's a good scene, with some philosophy being talked back and forth. It's a fun way to get to know the characters without feeling too heavy handed.

But, eventually, the beezo starts to flow, and people start getting drunk, while Yahkin grows bored and annoyed. He finally presses the issue on Bogwart's charm, and the locals act like it's some myth, a story. However, the audience has seen them talking about it amongst themselves, and know it's more than that.

Wait…am I Christopher Lambert in Beowulf??

Seren offers to show Yahkin around, and Mira takes Lou off into the forest to do much the same. More exposition about the world and culture abounds.

Meanwhile, Ridney, the comic relief character, states the plot for Dhomus, in the most caffeine fueled manic spiel this side of Luis from Ant-Man

Seren talks about how he doesn't fit in, and Yahkin regales him with tales of the worlds he comes from, and the kid starts acting like a low rent Luke Skywalker wanting to go to Toshe Station and have big adventures.

Of course, this is all a game of Yahkin's to try and make him talk, or agree to things, just to get what he wants.

Even in the far flung reaches of the multiverse, you can’t help but run into Watchmen fans.

We mill about for a bit as the Sardosians settle in for the night, with a few keeping watch in shifts. We get a smattering of character moments, and it helps this world feel a bit more lived in, with events that took place before the movie, and it will continue after.

The next day, the kids team up with their chosen outworlders to show them around a bit more.

Seren and Yahkin chill out by a tree and eat space apples, and Yahkin slowly needles the kid until he blurts out that they'll never find Bogwart's charm. So, now he knows it's real. But what's more, the kid reveals only one of his bloodline can even touch it, or use it.

The boy comes up with a plan to drive Yahkin and his people offworld, when he figures out the skels are like spouses to those they're bonded to. He wants to kidnap them and threaten them until they agree to leave.

Yten chides the boy for his brash, foolhardy plan, and how this is not their way. He decides then and there that it will be Mira who is the next leader of the group. This just drives Seren to take things into his own hands.

The one Seren decides to kidnap is, of course, Lou. Either he will get them off his world, or he'll kill the skel, and take his place, going offworld with Yahkin. I see a few flaws here, but ah, the brashness of youth.

Lou doesn't return to camp, and when morning comes, Yahkin is piiiissed and they start searching the forest for their lost lov...missing man.

Sarge and TC run into Mira, and she thinks she knows where Seren would take Lou. She conveniently mentioned earlier a hut that Seren likes to hide in when he's sulking.

A few of the other warriors sneak up on another hut, and take out the villager watching from the trees, with a boobie distraction, and a rock to the head.

Yep, that’s me. I bet you’re wondering how I got into this situation…

Boshe enters the hut to retrieve Lou, but she instead finds Bogwart's charm. When she grabs it, she explodes, so yeah, I guess the do not touch rule is good to know.

Mira, TC, and Sarge do manage to find the right hut though, and rescue Lou. He sends the others to find everyone and get back to their own hut, and Mari stays behind with him.

They chat for a bit, about who he will side with if it comes down to it, and she reveals she knows where the charm is. However, if it is taken, their world dies. Oh, conflict.

Yahkin and Lou reunite, and yell at each other for a bit. We also learn that the only way anyone of the bloodline can use the charm, is if they have successfully carried on the family line, as we find out shortly.

Roger leads his men to the main clearing, and calls out Yten. One tries to get the charm, the other tries to make them leave. Unfortunately, Yten is marked in the back by Seren. Oh, and we learn the sword Yten is carrying is actually the charm. As we find out when the virgin chad Seren tries to pick it up.

I HAVE THE POWERRRR…TOO MUCH! TOO MUCH POWER OH GOD NO!

With their leader and his nephew both dead, the rest of the villagers do not take kindly to this, and a large fight breaks out. I didn't comment on the fighting earlier, but now is as good a time as any. It's decent for a low budget movie, but not quite as good as Way Bad Stone. I suspect because there are a few more actors and a few less LARPers in this movie.

They may be the better fighters, but Yahkin's forces are outnumbered and don't know the forest as well as the locals. So rather than fight a battle they might not win, they make a strategic retreat to the blasted lands, so Yahkin can open a portal home.

Mira chases them out of the forest, blasting with the sword, and Yahkin's men get pretty banged up, but manage to not have anyone else die. Oh yeah, she can uses the sword because she had sex with Lou during one of their nights together. And she got insta-preggo. Once they reach the edge of the forest, the sword no longer works, and tech does. So, Yahkin threatens them with a gun.

The recently promoted tribal leader doesn't think the weapon will work, but uh, science is not her strong suit, as Yahkin demonstrates by shooting someone in the leg. Tech might not work on the other side of the barrier, but bullets still travel.

Lou stands up and gets in the line of sight, trying to talk Yahkin down, but he has no choice. We've seen what the emperor does when his grandson succeeds, can you imagine a failure?

Yahkin does eventually relent though, fires the gun into the air, and opens the portal home. Lou tells the rest to hurry through before his mood makes him shut the door. Before Lou leaves though, he says his goodbyes to Mira, hoping to return one day to her and his child.

On the other side of the portal, he finds Yahkin waiting, in a slightly better mood. Yahkin goes to his fate, but not before Lou gives him an Ionopsis bloom from the planet.

Yahkin is surprised that he put himself in the position he did, and the movie ends on a rather lovely note, "I know you didn't want to kill all those people, and I knew you woduln't kill me. I just wanted you to know it too."

TRISK ASSESSMENT

Video: It looks pretty rough, but it’s about what you’d expect from a very indie, very low budget, very do it yourself movie. I’ve seen worse, and at least everything is clear. Just low quality.

Audio: A little more serviceable than the video, but there’s a few bits that aren’t great. But, again, it’s fine.

Sound Bite: “A gun is obviously a strap on."

Body Count: Usual Sci Files rules apply, without a lot of death here.

1 - About two minutes in, a few people die during the takeover of the new world.
2 - Two of the local soldier guards get killed once they've been questioned
3 - Boshe gets blowed up
4 - Yten gets backstabbed by Seren
5 - Then Seren blows up
And then a few probably die in the big forest fight, but it’s unclear.

Best Corpse: No contest, Seren blowing up is well executed.

Blood Type - D+: Not a lot of blood, but a tiny amount, a few bruises, some cheesy digital effects…but I’m giving lots of points for that explosion.

Sex Appeal: Nothing to see here.

Drink Up! Every time Lou’s father shows up in flashback form.

Movie Review: Like a lot of Trisk reviews, this has to be graded on a curve. It’s obviously not gonna be anywhere near the level of a Hollywood production. But it’s got a lot of charm to it, seeing some people put something together like this. The production values are low, but they’re giving it their best. As I myself did, a lot of people have compared this to Stargate, but I don’t feel that’s entirely fair. Yes, on the surface, there’s the similar set up of “aliens conquering worlds and traveling through portals” but the resemblance dries up pretty quickly. But it’s just similar enough that even with it’s differences, it can be hard to forget the similarities. It’s a bit smaller, and it’s a bit more from say, the point of view of someone like Teal’c on the Stargate tv show. But even so, it’s really more it’s own thing, with a bit of similar starting points. I kinda wish there was a bit more to this movie, since it feels like the conflicts are poorly directed. Sardos should be more of a figure. The familial conflict feels more paramount. We don’t really know how this whole Ionospis affair goes in the end. it’s more like a few days in these characters’ lives, than a full fledged story. If this was a pilot, or episode in a tv show, it would be one thing, because you can tell there’s history to this world that could be explored. The acting isn’t the worst, although Nicoll hams it up a bit too much as Yahkin. When he gets to be a bit more introspective though, he’s quite good. The relationship between him and Lou is well displayed. This is far from a great movie, but it has its charms. It’s a fun little movie that is worth checking out, just to say you did. Two out of five ionopsis blooms.

Entertainment Value: A lot of the movie is played very straight, trying to build a convincing world, and that Sardos and his forces are formidable threats. But I wish it embraced it’s low budget, campy nature just a bit more. A lot of the humour comes from Ridney’s manic ramblings and pranks. His stuff gets to be a BIT much at times, but it’s fine. It’s still a fun peek into an alternate world from some indie creators, and for what it is, I dig it. Two out of five mugs of beezo.