Intercessor: Another Rock 'N' Roll Nightmare (2005)

INTERCESSOR: ANOTHER ROCK ‘N’ ROLL NIGHTMARE

WRITERS: Screenplay written by Chris Allen and Jacob Windatt

DIRECTOR: Benn McGuire and Jacob Windatt

STARRING: Starring: Jon Mikl Thor as The Intercessor

Craig Bowlsby as Mephisto

Brad Pope as Harry

Dave Collette as Zompira

Melissa Ellingham as Laura

Sharon MacDonald as Julie

Rob Scattergood as Pestilence

Daye Ellingham as War

Chris Allen as Famine

Paul Vegano as Death

QUICK CUT: An old hero gets his mojo back, in the fight against ultimate evil.

THE MORGUE

Harry - A young man who has had a rough life thanks to his disability, has buried himself in his comics, but when the time comes, can he step up?

Julie - Harry’s love interest, and as usual, a shame she is not much more than that.

Mephisto - A weasley opportunistic demon trying to destroy the world and overthrow…

Zompira - A zombie vampire lord, who is supposed to be the Big Bad and the biggest threat, but he don’t do much.

The Intercessor - The same character from the first movie, but he has been stripped of his powers, and memories, so he’s very much a blank slate.

TRISK ANALYSIS: Welcome back, Triskelions! We continue our weird mid-December tradition of rock and roll themed horror movies! But more significantly, this one is actually a sequel to the one I did a few last year, Rock ‘N’ Roll Nightmare. That's right, it is time for the return of Triton in Intercessor: ANOTHER Rock 'N' Roll Nightmare! We live to rock!

The movie gets this show started with a recap of who the Intercessor is, but his legend has faded to myth in recent years, and then slides into a ROCKIN' opening credits song. But I am sad to report this...is probably the single best thing about the movie. It is all downhill from here.

As evidenced by the GLARING typo in the opening credits of ADDOCIATE PRODUCER. ADDOCIATE!! And it is repeated *several times*.

Following a bunch of punks egging his house, we meet Harry, a young boy with a lightning sc...what? No? Damnit. Are there trolls? Double damnit. Anyways, Harry has a disability that makes it hard for him to walk, and use his arms, but he still manages to draw a lot of comics.

He has a walkie talkie conversation with his friend Julie next door, whom he has had a crush on for years. They make plans to watch a movie together, a dream come true for Harry, but their plans are sadly interrupted; first by Harry's aunt Bix, then Julie's sister, then some zombies. A lot is going on here.

There is also frequent flashbacks to Harry's brother Keith who committed suicide, that ultimately go nowhere, aside from having at least one person in the plot give a shit about Harry.

Oh, and in Harry's comics, he's also telling stories of the Intercessor, so get ready for mild bendings of reality.

We cut over from the kid though, to our old pal Jon Mikl Thor, trying to enjoy some coffee at a diner, when some ass gives a waitress a hard time. He saves the day by kicking the guy's ass, so he's still a hero, despite having zero memory of who or what he is.

After some cheap Flash animation, which comes off as cheaply trying to tell the story, we are introduced to Zompira, who Intercessor banished at some point, but he is plotting to come back, as well as his minion Mephisto. There's some plot about needing 'a boy and a girl' both needed to sieze control, and this SEEMS like it should be Harry and Julie, but it's not 100% sure, and never really carried through.

Meanwhile, the zombies show up at Harry's, and he finds one throttling Bix, bashing her against the floor, as she HOWLS LIKE A BANSHEE...and he just stands there stunned for a few seconds.

While murderin' goes on, we jump to Mephisto in movie B with War and Death showing up, to talk about their plans. Famine and Pestilence aren't there yet, and Death says he's gonna kill 'em. Sigh, that is your answer to EVERYthing, Death!

He also threatens to walk if they don't show up after five minutes...just like college! Sadly, they're suddenly there though, and Mephisto says they have to take care of the last two pure souls, for Evil Plan to happen. Are...those Harry and Julie? It's unclear.

Back with Harry, he wakes up to find his aunt has become one of the undead, and they try to claim him too. And at the same time, they abscond with Julie.

Harold tries to gear up and take out the zombies, and while he somehow succeeds, he also faceplants to the ground, because he is no hero.

Suddenly we jump to movie C, with a tiny little child, who seems to be another target...is SHE one of the last pure souls??

But before that can go to far, we go back to movie B with the Four Horsemen, meeting the Four Elements, and no one likes anyone, and can we get going with this?

Oh, we do get some plot and exposition. This all seems to be to allow the demons to go to Earth with permanent forms, and they think it will be more fun to corrupt the child instead of murdering her.

See, this is why evil never wins. Go the easy route, not the fun route.

...I got nothin'. Those shoulderpads are just ridiculous.

We next get a long scene of the zombies fawning over Julie, wanting to eat her, despite Zompira's wishes. I mean, as long as she's not DEAD they can eat SOME of her...right?

But that's when Harry shows up, screams, throws off his braces, and finds some supernatural strength of the Intercessor. Or something.

He kicks their asses, as some of the others drag Julie off to a rave in the next room, where I guess Zompira's trying to open a portal to take her soul.

Meanwhile, Laura begins to have nightmares, as part of the plot to corrupt her begins, being visited by all the various minions in turn like she’s Scrooge.

Back at the club, there's some fighting, Harry is overwhelmed, and he's about to get eaten, but Zompira wants him to live long enough to see him be victorious...which again, don't delay, since Harry recovers, and runs his crutch through the lead minion, sending them all back through the portal, I guess.

But the lead dude lives, because zombies is kinda Zompira's thing, he tosses Julie through the portal, and after Harry beheads the guy, he jumps through after her.

We then get more flash animation, heh just on the eve of it being depricated too, of the Intercessor being told his origins, and regaining his memories, and his mission to retrieve the macguffins of power he'll need.

So then it's off to save Harry, who is trapped with Julie in a realm of burning CGI fire they must have gotten off discount from the Witches Talisman.

Julie's soul is taken, Harold has no reason to live, and as he falls into the Pit of Despair, he tosses his helmet to Triton...and it just so happens to be his magic helmet.

After the entire Harold plot is *completely dumped* from the movie, Triton goes off to hitchhike, because that's how heroes travel. Dude picking him up doesn't seem to bat an eye at the weirdo in a cape though.

Oh, and after he drops off the Intercessor, he...hands him the sceptre. Just like that. Some rando driver picking up hitchhikers had the sceptre. That...that is the very definition of plot convenience.

Back with the child, she is being tormented by Fire, until the Intercessor shows up to zap her away with cheap CGI effects. And just to save time...wash rinse and repeat that with the rest of the Elements.

I gotta say, the Elements aren't the only ones causing nightmares, we see some of the Horsemen doing it, but the WOMEN elements...are the only ones that Triton beats the living hell out of. That's uh...that's not cool, dude.

After dispatching the last Element of water, we enter the final act, with Mephisto hanging out in his den, War going to do his thing with Laura, and assorted other tiny details before everyone ends up in an abandoned factory, as these things always go.

Before the Intercessor can arrive though, we do still have that pesky annoying plot detail of there being too many villain factions, so we kill off a few more minions, as Triton arrives.

Mephisto has the child, Triton shows up and tosses his helmet aside, while saying, "recognise me NOW!", all while wearing sunglasses! AH yes! I would know those glasses anywhere!!

The struggle continues into the night, and as Mephisto gains the upper hand, he offers to Triton that he can make all this go away, all it will cost him is his marraige to Mary Jane...wait, no.

Laura gets the sceptre, touches it to the end of Mephisto's staff, thus destroying the source of his power. This enables the tables to turn and Thor to get the uppter hand back.

Oh, and Zompira shows up at the last second to fight his villainous rival, because this plot has been so well developed.

While those two losers fight, the Intercessor uses his sceptre, with the aid of Laura, to open a portal, so the two can be banished back to the comicbook realm. Or something.

So Laura wakes up, everything is safe and sound, as the Intercessor and his wrinkly cape walk off into the sunset...

At least they shall spend an eternity trapped between the goddess's boobs.

...But before the movie is actually over, we are reminded that Death is still out there somewhere, and he is not alone, because he has brought back Harold to lead his army of the damned into a sequel that has never happened.

Now...THAT sounds like an interesting matchup, taking some fascinating ideas setup here, and running with them, pitting the Intercessor against his host body? Yeah, that sounds like it could be fun. ...More fun than any of this.

Rock N Roll Nightmare 3: To Riverdale and Beyond

TRISK ASSESSMENT

Video: Pretty meh. It all looks fine, but there was some weird interlacing throughout it. Definitely could have been better.

Audio: Adequate. Room for improvement, but it gets the job done.

Sound Bite: "Large intestines on a virgin platter!"

Body Count: A pretty big one, all things considered.

1- 20 minutes in and Aunt Bix gets got.

2 - Julie's sister dies off camera

3 - And then Julie gets chewed on.

4 - Aunt Bix dies again for good

5 - One of the zomdemons gets clonked

6 - Another gets it in the face

7 - A third gets smashed around

8 - And a fourth gets a crutch to the eye

9 - Lead singer of Counting Crows gets killed

10 - Intercessor kills Fire

11 - Then he pummels Earth

12 - And banishes Wind

13 - And finally, of course, Water.

14 - Random minion stabbed by War

15 - Another slashed by Triton

16 - Triton kills War

17 - and then stabs another goon.

18 - Pestilence gets randomly jumped

19 - Famine gets jumped too.

Best Corpse: I think the most notable death would have to be the crutch to the eye and through the head. That was pretty sick.

Blood Type - C+: A bit lacklustre, but there are definitely moments, a decent beheading, but at the same time a pretty weak showing.

Sex Appeal: Nothing to see here.

Drink Up! every time they say Intercessor.

Video Nasties: The fight against fire is a wonderful collection of cheesy lines and cheap effects that really highlight the movie.

Movie Review: Urgh. This is a rough one. There IS a plot somewhere beneath all this, but to get there, it has three different stories running, all dropped at a moments notice, to serve the story. I could almost have forgiven the dropping of Harry our main character, if Rock N Roll Nightmare 3 had ever appeared, but even with the tag, it feels like the entire story is just gone. So much needed better explanations, and the movie just feels to come up so short. If not for Thor’s charm and acting to carry the movie, it would be an absolute mess. The other big failing point of the movie is, the original had, while basic, at least a pretty rocking soundtrack with a few catchy tunes. This one has one or two songs of note, they keep using, and they’re okay. Two out of five comic page.

Entertainment Value: Again it comes down to Thor’s performance, and that carries a lot of the enjoyment here. But there is enough of an escalating mess of randomness, and over the top performances from start to finish, that definitely make this a weird movie to watch. There is a lot going on here to keep you scratching your head. Three out of five sceptres of power.

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