Trilogy of Terror (2021) — Triskaidekafiles

TRILOGY OF TERROR

WRITER: Damian Bishop

DIRECTOR: Damian Bishop

STARRING: SloppypapaTV
Kayla Syd
Giovanni Z
Damian Bishop
Chief
Anthony J.K.

QUICK CUT: A bunch of people have to deal with issues with raw seafood.

THE MORGUE

Not doing this section, for this movie. I don’t know who played what, and it’s a lot of characters in really short stories. You can pick the gist up easily enough.

TRISK ANALYSIS: Welcome back, Triskelions! Summer is unofficially crawling to a close this weekend, and that must mean it's time for my annual anthology flick. This year's victim is Trilogy of Trash, and it's a short one this time out, clocking it at just under 45 minutes. But, this movie is packed with more than I was expecting, so there is still a lot to get into here.

The format is the usual idea of a wraparound segment hosted by a cloaked, devilish figure surrounded by flames and wearing a snazzy metal horned skull mask. At least, I think it's a skull. The video quality here ain't that great, as you will see. He presents to us three short stories, and does the host thing between each.

Also, I did want to point out, that I did stretch the video and images just a bit, as the DVD (amazingly on a burned disc with the title hand written on it!) was in a 4:3 format, and things looked a little squished to my eyes. I do apologize if stretching the video out to where I felt it looked 'right' does not represent the creators' vision, but I wanted to be open about that one minor change.

Do you like my cloak? My mom picked it out for me.

We get things going with the aforementioned host welcoming us humans, "Or should I say, trash?" And you know what? Fair.

Anyways, he rambles about something how when Hell opens up, horrors will spill out into the world, and here are a few examples. Or something like that. Also, there's no escape for us. My dude, I've been doing this for 15 years, I know I'm not getting out. That boat sailed down the river Styx at least a solid decade ago.

He then intros the first trashy tale, where "flesh and rubber collide" in The Lovedoll. It starts with a dirty cop waiting in an alley to get some drugs from his supplier to sell to the local crackheads.

I know he's supposed to be checking the time, but this is so low budget, in my head this is actually a dude waiting in his car resting his arm on his steering wheel.

Officer Sleazy's contact finally shows up with 'the stuff' crammed up a lovedoll to smuggle it around. Because THAT is somehow less conspicuous.

His contact wants his payment, and he gets it, in the form of a lead down payment to his face. Yup, the dirty cop double crossed him. Shocker.

In the process, some blood splashes on the lovedoll. I'm sure this will have no dire consequences. Oh, they got the crack from some Satanists, which I am sure will also be fine.

We then cut to a trio of guys tweaking out and on edge, and needing to get a fix. So they come up with a plan to go get some from the cop. Being a trio of tweakers though, coming up with the plan is very much underpants gnome levels of logic, to the point where they almost say "Step three: Profit!"

They are so desperate, one of them says they would blow six guys. "But what about the cops??," asks his friend. Well fuck, I'd blow them too!

Actually, if I'm listening to this correctly, the *cop* got killed, and the guy who shot the other over the drugs is the cop's *brother*. But these chucklefucks keep calling HIM "the cop" and it confused me. Or maybe I'm confused now? Fuck. I’m overthinking this movie.

The tweaker gets the drugs, and heads home, and the trilogy of tweakers go to town on their coke.

Aww man, don’t make me watch Trilogy of Trash again!

So the trio has a grand old time enjoying a pile of crack, until a lovedoll shows up to ruin the party by making someone's face explode.

And I guess that is a sentence I have now written.

The remaining two make a plan to have one of them serve as a distraction, while the other runs to the kitchen to get a knife.

And this...is glorious. You might have picked up from the screencaps so far, that it looks like every shot is whatever characters sitting in front of a wall or green screen. And that continues here, as the guy running is still SO clearly sitting down as he makes his break for it, and the background moves around behind him.

My power is beyond your understanding, He-Man!

Surprisingly, he actually manages to get to the kitchen, get the knife, AND gut the lovedoll. But, the bad news is, that's not the real threat. Once the doll deflates, a strange tentacle comes out of the rubber, and chokes him out.

We then briefly return to the host's hell chamber as he sets up the next story, about the bond between man and his pets, called "Popcorn". Buy a bag, go home in a box! ...No? Wrong "Popcorn"? Damnit...

This story is about a traumatized man who receives a bird in the mail, as a sort of emotional support bird. But unfortunately, the bird bonds with him, and controls him, with a most annoying sound.

However, when Johnny isn’t around, the bird is foul mouthed and mean to his wife, and even bites her. This causes a rift in the marriage, and she heads out for a bit until things settle down.

Things just get worse, as Popcorn sends Johnny to go get a gun, and "enough ammo, but not enough to cause alarm".

Before Johnny can go off on his rampage, his wife returns to tell him it's over. So, Popcorn tells Johnny to start with his wife. There's a struggle over the gun, and eventually, Johnny's wife uses it to shoot Popcorn clean off the shoulder.

Oh, and we see that Popcorn was attached by the same tentacle as the lovedoll. Hey, if you got the props, get the most use out of 'em.

Johnny is confused to see the gun in his hands, and accidentally shoots his wife with it, getting her blood all over his face, ending this trashy tale.

The host is surprised to see I've made it this far, and says their might be something wrong with me. And, again...fair.

And so we start in on the third and final of the tales of trash, Fat Gas. Your average story about a pair of clerks working the graveyard shift at a gas station convenience store, until things get weird and deadly.

Bailey B gets shown the ropes by Skyler, learning all about the customers you can expect on third shift. Eventually, one of them makes a mess, and Bailey B gets sent to the back to get the mop.

He is surprised to find a drainage grate demanding flesh and bone, and asks his fellow employee about it.

Skyler heads back to see what the newbie is on about, and is surprised when yes, there is a voice coming from the grate, demanding flesh.

Another customer shows up, they decide to see what would happen, and send him to the back room. Unfortunately, all he finds is the Day of the Tentacle continues

They go through a bunch of customers, all of which they send to a nasty tentacled fate in the back room.

Eventually, their boss shows up to see how things are going. He's a massive jerk, so they decide to tentacle him as well. He tries to fight back, but it is a short lived attempt.

We wrap up with one last visit from the host, claiming what's left of my soul, as the tentacles dance around behind him. Mmm, fried tentacle.

TRISK ASSESSMENT

Video: Oh, this is not good. It looks like a 12th generation copied VHS tape. It does add to the charm and no budget style, but everything is very soft and detail is lost. It works for this, and at least everything can be seen, but oof.

Audio: Not great either, but better than the video. It is, what it is.

Sound Bite: “Two kilos?? That's like...two whole kilos!" Using their whole braincell, I see

Body Count: A very respectable pile of bodies, for only 45 minutes, and like four actors.

1 - Four minutes in and the drug mule gets shot.
2 - One of the stoners gets their head exploded by the lovedoll
3 - The lovedoll kills another stoner
4 - And the third gets strangled by the Worm
5 - Popcorn gets shot by Johnny's wife
6 - Johnny accidentally shoots his wife.
7 - And then purposefully kills himself.
8 - A customer gets grabbed by the basement tentacle
9 - Another customer is accidentally sent to the basement
10 - The tentacle grabs Kat next
11 - The clerks send Mr. Vitchell to the tentacle

Best Corpse: Johnny’s wife. Largely for a glorious splat of blood on his face.

Blood Type - C+: There’s not a lot of effects, or a lot of blood, but they do splash what they do have in large globs, so I appreciate that.

Sex Appeal: Nothing to see here.

Drink Up! every time a tentacle appears.

Movie Review: Okay. So. This is not good. Trash is the appropriate word for it. It is literally two or three guys sitting in front of a camera for every single scene. But they are VERY creative in their stories, and they execute them very well in a short amount of time. Not the best in the world, but for having a budget of three dollars and a bucket of corn syrup, for that level, it’s not the worst. We grade on a curve here. Heck, even the aqcting isn’t bad. I almost forget every character is played by three people. Almost. Two out of five talky parrots.

Entertainment Value: As often happens around here, a badly made movie makes for a very entertaining movie. I was not expecting much from this. So I was pleasantly surprised with the amount of fun I had. Yeah, it’s just a few guys acting in their chairs, but you can tell they’re having fun, and they put a lot of humour into it. There are a lot of laughs, intentional and not, to be found here. And I do have a soft spot for a bunch of friends just goofing around and making a fun, silly, movie. I had a blast with this. Four out of five tentacles

This DVD is now one of my prized possessions. Not because it's good, or because I love it, but just because it's so rare and unique and weird, and will be a conversation starter. This is the kinda thing I love to stumble across and discover. Also, as a treat, here’s a scan of the back cover of the DVD, which is just a collection of screencaps collaged together. Lovely.