Memorial Valley Massacre (1988)

MEMORIAL VALLEY MASSACRE

WRITER: Robert C. Hughes

DIRECTOR: Robert C. Hughes

STARRING: John Kerry as George Webster
Mark Mears as David Sangster
Lesa Lee as Cheryl
John Caso as Hermit
William Smith as General Mintz
Cameron Mitchell as Allen Sangster

QUICK CUT: A man is reunited with his son, but the reunion does not go well for anyone involved.

THE MORGUE

David - The son of a real estate developer who is opening a campground in Memorial Valley, as an opening gambit towards more development in town. David himself is not so much like his father. He wants to protect the area, and is genuinely interested in working for the camp, not just getting a cushy, easy, job thanks to his dad. He’s a hard worker, and is doing his best.

George - The camp ranger in charge of the place. He’s a bit gruff, but means well, and is very distrustful of David and his motives. He’s had a rough life, and lost his son years ago, which has left him with emotional baggage he’s still carrying around.

The Hermit - A man who looks like he’s one of those feral children all grown up. He doesn’t like loud noises or people, and largely just wants to be left alone.

I love watching the credits rise up over the mountains in the morning.

TRISK ANALYSIS: Welcome back, Triskelions, and happy Memorial Day! To celebrate, why it is...Memorial Valley Massacre! Or, as it is sometimes known, just simply Memorial Day. So it is even doubly more appropriate. I got nothing else to say, so let's hop in our campers and head out to the woods!

The movie opens up at Memorial Valley Campgrounds, which is not doing that exact thing, by NOT opening up. It's supposed to be its big opening weekend, but they are already having no end of troubles. Someone died in a construction accident, the water isn't working right, there's no toilets, and oops, there's a dead dog in the well.

Meanwhile, David Sangster, son of the camp's owner, has arrived to do some honest work over the summer. He doesn't expect any special treatment, and doesn't seem adverse to putting in the work.

The owner is none too happy, but head ranger George Webster decides sure, nothing is working, but let's let everyone in! This at least puts some joy on the elder Sangster's face. Better to make the best of a bad situation, than do nothing at all.

So they open the gates, and a whole line of potential victims just drive on through, with no idea what they are in for.

Following that, Cameron Mitchel just...ups and leaves the movie. Quick work, big name, cash that paycheck!

George and David grab some supplies from the storage shed, see there's a bit of a mess, but just chalk it up to a window popped out of place, and wild animals. But when they leave the shed, we see someone was hiding behind the door, who looks like they are a feral child all growed up. How they missed him, I dunno. The smell alone!

A dog senses the wild child though, and starts barking. The noises upsets the guy, and he kills the dog to make things quiet again.

Following this, the plot slams on the brakes as we wander around the campground meeting all the campers, and getting up to shenanigans.

There are a few incidents that keep the plot lively, like some of the campers finding a pile of snakes on their picanick table, that David and George take care of. However, the damage is done, and the campers drive off, this place has too many problems.

Spoiler, those people are the smartest characters in the film.

There’s also have this obnoxious kid bothering people, and he eventually rides an ATV off into the woods, against park regulations. This ends up making American Mowgli angry with all the noise.

We've already seen how Mowgli doesn't like loud noises, so he does to this wannabe Chris Griffin the same thing he did to the dog.

All this guy wants is to be left alone in the woods, with peace and quiet, and to not be bothered. And dude, I get it.

During everything, the kid stole George's pocket watch, and drops it when Mowgli kills him. The feral man picks it up, and...wait, does he even have pockets??

All the campers, or those interested, have a welcoming party at the centre of the campgrounds, but then a storm comes in. They keep things going for awhile under a canopy, until people decide to turn in for the night.

One thing I'll say, this rain keeps up for awhile, and it is POURING. I know how much water you gotta put out to show up on film for a light rain, and this stuff is heavy. They are soaking these actors through.

The handyman, and David, talk a lot about how this valley is special, unique, with some flora and fauna that you can't find anywhere else. This never really goes anywhere, nor do they use this opportunity to set up the fact there has been a killer in the woods for, let's say 20 years.

They DO mention George's son went missing, and he became a broken man (And yes, that's Mowgli) but they could have done so much more to build up the legend of the kid AND the feral man in the woods. Instead, they just talk about a lot of stuff that’s nice flavouring, but doesn’t really add to the plot.

And this whole downpour is really nothing more than an excuse to get David and one of the female campers in a situation to be naked and end up having sex. Fair enough.

Some of the campers get a bear nosing under their tent, and this will be used to brush aside some of the more violent happenings. It's not a wild man in the woods, it's just actual bears!

Hey, this rain is coming down REALLY bad, can I get some cover with you guys??

When the campers go to make sure the bear is gone, they see the body of the ATV kid, and scream. The employees carry the body somewhere they can examine it, then call the authorities.

Y'know, this movie has a funny definition of massacre. We're halfway through, and are just taking our sweet time.

George gathers everyone in the morning to give them an update on what's happening, and the believed bear situation. He gathers up volunteers to go into the woods and try to find the bear. But...he did nothing wrong! The poor bear!

When the bikers hear about things, they decide to go hunting themselves, to try and find the missing bike. They figure it's worth a bit, stripped for parts.

Almost immediately, the bikers get lost, and elsewhere, one of the kids gets caught in a trap. The plot was finally starting to move forward, and at the first sign of trouble, George decides NOPE we are done, back to base!

The lost bikers find Mowgli's cave, and check it out. I dunno, but if I found a cave, and an active fire inside, I would reconsider staying.

Anyways, they also find a skeleton, which I presume is the corpse of the guy that kidnapped George's son, and got him lost out here in the first place.

Mowgli hears people messing with his stuff, and kills the bikers pretty quickly, even if Rowsdower does make a good run for the end zone. Looks like the feral child is adding some more skulls to his collection.

Let the massacre begin! It was a slow start, but this last half hour is packed with goodness.

David gets George off his ass to go back in the woods to find the missing bikers, and takes a few of the campers with them.

The Rescue Rangers find the cave by following the bikers' trail of beer cans, and find the corpse of one of them, with an axe in the chest. David figures out the easy part that it's a man, not an animal doing all this, and George was covering it up because it might be his son. (It is.)

I'll give George this much credit, he does send one of the campers with them to run back to the camp and warn everyone, while the rest make a stretcher to carry the biker back with them. It's genuinely unclear if he's alive or not at this point, but uh, I'm not putting money on his life. Also, pulling the axe out, not a great idea!

Unfortunately, the runner gets speared and tossed in the put with Rowsdower. The rest of the group find their bodies, and make tracks back to the camp, to spread the word.

While everyone gathers at the ranger station, Mowgli scampers around the campground picking off all the canon fodder he can get his grubby hands on. At least the movie is making nice use of all their disposable cast.

I’m gonna hug her and kiss her and squeeze her and name her George.

So night falls, the campers and rangers sit and wait, until the generator goes out. When the handyman goes to get it back running, Mowgli shows up to give scarecrow a little fire.

Also, I love that the movie has to pause and practically turn to camera as someone realises, "Gasp! It's after midnight! It's...MEMORIAL DAY!

Chaos ensues as Dick runs around on fire, Mowgli hops into a bulldozer and sneaks over to the ranger station to bash it down. Several more campers get killed in everything going on.

Remember to be careful when lighting fireworks this holiday weekend, folks.

He'll be warm for the rest of his life

We're pretty much left with Mowgli, Ranger George, David, and David's love interest. The latter two are like yeah, sure, we are outtie, and leave the climax.

George however, stays behind, to confront his child. And to keep a long story from getting any longer, George gets caught by a trap, pinned with spikes in him, and has an emotional reunion with Mowgli before he dies.

With all that, the campground is closes with David saying let it go back to being wilderness, and Mowgli will likely never be found.

TRISK ASSESSMENT

Video: The visuals are really good. Everything is crisp, clear, and even the downpour scenes are really clear. A great restoration by VinSyn.

Audio: Solid work, good mix.

Sound Bite: “The most shooting you guys have ever done is with BB guns trying to hit car windows from a freeway overpass!"

Body Count: It takes awhile to get there, but not a bad pile of bodies this time around. Even if most of them are random characters.

1 - After 29 minutes, the woodsman kills the obnoxious kid
2 - One of the biker's gets an axe to the chest.
3 - Other biker falls into a pit of spikes
4 - Rick is speared and joins the biker in the pit.
5 - Another of the campers is knifed in the chest.
6 and 7 - The General and his girlfriend go boom
8 - Wendy gets hugged to death
9 - Emily is yanked into the trees
10 - Dick the handyman goes up in flames
11, 12, 13 - Three campers all squished by a truck
14 - Ranger Webster gets spiked on a trap

Best Corpse: The dude that fell in the trap. The blood is a nice rich red, which looks wrong, but I dig it.

Blood Type - C+: Not a TON of blood in this one, a few too many neck snaps or off screen kills, but it’s used well.

Sex Appeal: A bit of nudity, some equal opportunity male nudity, and a lot of wet tshirts.

Drink Up! Every time George snaps at David.

Movie Review: I was pleasantly surprised by this one. It’s not a great film, but it does what it does well enough. You spend enough time to care about the characters, Mowgli doesn’t do a whole lot until the end of the film, but he’s a constant enough presence that he FEELS threatening and lurking. It’s well shot, the acting is solid, and the kills are fun. It’s a standard “holiday” slasher with a bit of standard “backwood killer” thrown in. Nothing wrong here, and enough good that it’s an enjoyable time. Three out of five ATVs.

Entertainment Value: I wish there was a little more…SOMETHING to this movie. It has it’s campiness (pun intended), sure, and it’s share of offbeat characters, but it still feels like there’s something lacking. Like I’ve said, I had a good time with this movie, and I enjoy it, especially that final thirty minutes when everything goes to hell. I just feel like there’s something off. John Caso does a nice performance as the wildman, and he manages to bring some pathos and nuance to the largely silent role. I do appreciate random big name cameos who are clearly barely involved in the movie, just to sell tickets and make sales to foreign markets. That stuff is always amusing. Still, it’s a solid enough movie with interesting things going on, three out of five spear free skulls.