Slimoids (2018) — Triskaidekafiles

SLIMOIDS

WRITER: Screenplay by Sebastien Godin

Based on a story by Cayt Feinics and Sebastien Godin

DIRECTOR: Sebastien Godin

STARRING: Ethan Clifford as Dan Stewart

Mairead Traxler as Auriana

Chris Mathias as Detective O'Bannon

Steve Walls as Detective Emerson

Tyler Levesque as Henry Mills

Stevie Lyons as Eva Stewart

Brinke Stevens as voice of the Being

QUICK CUT: After a woman is killed, her brother visits an old friend of hers and they reconnect.

THE MORGUE

Dan - A happy go lucky kinda guy, even after his sister’s death, who is determined to get to the bottom of her murder.

Henry - A friend from Eva’s work, who is a bit paranoid, a bit distracted, and a bit expository.

Emerson and O’Bannon - A pair of detectives on the case of all these murders, who you could argue are both more interested in alcohol than the case.

Auriana - A mad scientist with little regard for other people, willing to experiment on them as long as it furthers her own twisted agenda.

TRISK ANALYSIS: Welcome back, Triskelions! It is finally feeling like my summer of troubles with movies is finally over. I got Quadead and Boogeyman 2 in hand, fixed up those reviews, and got a replacement for the disc containing today's movie, which I wanted to get to months ago, or at least was intended to be a good backup if the other problems continued. But I digress! It's a delightfully short one at about 50 minutes, and this time, it's not by design with me rushing to complete a movie, but rather a happy coincidence!

The credits roll as Eva heads home, where she gets a call from the eventually-revealed Auriana, is threatened and warned about her "three friends".

She is then attacked by those self same friends, which are some delightfully weird claymation like critters that nibble on her and spit all over her. I know they’re not actual claymation, but they’ve got that kinda classic look to them.

We cut from there to a...I'll be nice and call it a bar, where detective Emerson is getting drunk and lamenting how no one ever comes to the cops for important things in this boring ass town. Well, have I got some news for you!

He gets a call from his partner to report the homicide of Eva Stewart, and so Emerson sloshes out the door to actually do his job.

At the crime scene, the ME is taking his time with the body, and he reveals its because her face was covered in a strange, green slime. Oh no, she must've fallen into Hordak's Slime Pit!

While they head out to inform Eva's brother, we cut to Auriana's lab, where she tells the Slimoids to cut it out...even though they weren't doing anything! Poor guys. I've seen more movement from Toulon's puppets in Puppet Master Legacy...

If a woman can’t find you handsome, she should at least find you handy.

And Auriana is an interesting character. She's clearly dubbed over by Brinke Stevens, which is a choice, but she also constantly where's a facemask, so I guess she's prepared for Covid, at least. Oh, and her fingers end on long, sharp talons which have torn through her medical gloves.

She talks about her plan to wipe out "four more" now that Eva is gone, and the long and short of it is, they were all involved in a research project, Auriana went too far with experiments on herself and others, and the rest gave her the boot.

Meanwhile, Detectives O'Bannon and Emerson arrive at Dan's to tell him the bad news, and they do the usual bit of questioning. And yes, if you listen carefully, there are a LOT of names which I am pretty sure are references to horror creators.

Dan rattles off the names of the people who are about to get murdered over the next 20 minutes, but at least the cops are on the case!

Back at Auriana's lair, she's giving her sliminions orders to go do some murder, but then hears a commotion upstairs. As she ushers her friends off to take care of that on their way out, we cut to "Meanwhile upstairs" ...IS THAT NECESSARY??

Anyways, it's a pair of bums breaking in to have a roof over their head for the night, sure the place is abandoned, and they end up getting murdered for trespassing.

Barry, you need to know about the Speed Force…

Following the warm up act with the hobos, it's over to their first victim's house, with Dan trying to call him to see if he knows anything.

There's a sudden scream, and our soon to be victim rushes to the door. When he opens it, all he finds is a bare skeleton, covered in goop, and a text popup handily telling us this corpse is "Liz Carmichael". You uh...you couldn't find a more graceful way of telling us who she was? A dubbed in "Oh my god...Liz?!" No? Okay fine...

But then it's this guy's turn to get murdered and purple drank horfed all over his face. And look, if the movie isn't gonna give us more then five seconds with these victims, I'm sure not gonna bother remembering names.

While those two are being murdered, we jump to a THIRD on the list, and she just kinda suddenly ups and dies. It's implied that the third Slimoid not killing Liz and the other dude did something to her backside, but it's never really shown, aside from her suddenly spitting up blood while Handy is there.

The movie spins its wheels for a bit, which is weird for a movie this short, with Dan having some nightmares, and some radio personality called "Jackal" talking about the string of sudden murders. It doesn't really add much.

But the next day, or something, Dan has tracked down the last name on the list, and showed up at the door of Henry Mills. Who assumes the nebishy guy is there to kill him, since he's expecting Auriana to retaliate, and he knows he's the last man standing.

Dan clears that up and Henry lets him in, although remains sceptical and suspicious, as evidenced by a HILARIOUS scene of Henry pouring water for a VERY long time, but almost never averting his very intense gaze from Dan. And when he does, it's for the briefest of moments, before shooting back to his visitor.

It is *delightful*.

Meanwhile, the pair of cops are completely stymied, all their leads are dead ends...literally! and they don't know what to do. Somehow, they have not thought to find Henry? Some cops.

Do you like my nails? I just had them done!

The cops are clueless, but Dan is getting the infodump from Henry Exposition, as he goes into most of the stuff I mentioned earlier.

We get a flashback to her performing tests on three randos, having them drink a strange potion she won't disclose, and then we watch as they melt and transform into the Slimoids we know and love.

And you'll notice later on, I count these as deaths, despite them TECHnically being alive as Slimoids, since the transformation is so complete, and any personality or sense of self appears to be gone, I consider them as good as dead.

I really need to see if this was a Kickstartery type movie, because with the random names being popped up for people randomly dying off to the side, and the way these three scenes are shot, it feels SO SO much like backer rewards, they filmed their scenes, and they were edited in.

That's when the Slimoids show up to take out Henry, and Dan...just kinda sits there in a state of dull surprise. Again, delightful.

He finally moves though, but it's too late as Henry dies on his kitchen floor. Dan runs away from the crime scene, with Slimoids hot on his tail.

Dan somehow finds Auriana's lair, and calls the cops to let them know he's walking into danger. He uh, doesn't tell them WHERE he's going, but whatever at this point.

Not surprisingly, Dan is immediately knocked out, and wakes up tied to a chair, confronted by the mastermind herself.

The cops do manage to show up, interrupting whatever fate is about to befall Dan, who somehow just...lifts the ropes he's tied up with off. I guess it must be hard to tie proper knots with those talons of Dr. Auriana's.

Oh, she created the cat from Uninvited, didn’t she?

Auriana finally removes her mask, and coughs up a long tendril that chokes out Emerson, while one of the Slimoids takes out O'Bannon.

Dan grabs a *ahem* chainsaw, and goes to town on Auriana, and as he finishes her off, we flashback through all her victims, naturally culminating in his sister. It's a nice touch, and pretty effective.

So, Dan, our soul survivor drives off into the sunset, and discovers one of the Slimoids has hitched a ride, likely finishing him off, as the credits roll.

TRISK ASSESSMENT

Video: Hey, something that looks really good! I mean, for this kinda thing. After a few months of shot on video, bad transfers, this is a genuinely delight. Also, hey, it better look good, it’s 2018.

Audio: Perfect good audio.

Body Count: We get a very solid pile of bodies, even if some of them we barely know.

1 - Four minutes in, and Eva is killed by the Slimoids

2 - Homeless dude #1 gets attacked

3 - And #2 gets a face full of Ecto Cooler

4 - Liz Carmichael's skeleton is found

5 - Other Dude gets killed next

6 - Denise somehow gets killed by another Slimoid

7 - Dude one drinks vial and dies changing into a Slimoid.

8 - Dude two does the same

9 - And dude three rounds out the trio.

10 - Henry?

11 - O’Bannon gets tenta-killed Cop

12 - And then Emerson is glommed by a Slimoid.

13 - Auriana gets *ahem* chainsawed by Dan

14 - I'm sure Dan bites it thanks to the Slimoid in his car.

Best Corpse: I think scientist guy who’s name I am stubbornly unable to remember, has a good death, as he’s held down and eaten and spat upon. It’s a good sequence.

Blood Type - C+: We don’t get a whole lot of blood, and a lot of these points rest on the shoulders…or lack thereof, of the slimoids themselves. Those puppets are wonderful and whimsical.

Sex Appeal: Shockingly, in a movie where you FEEL like there should be some cheap sleaze, it doesn’t go there!

Drink Up! Every time you catch a name reference

Movie Review: Okay, okay, brace yourselves for this one; I actually kinda loved this. The plot is very light, and it sure needs a bit more meat on Liz’s bones, but it’s coherent enough. The acting is pretty good, and the puppets are just so much fun. It’s strength definitely comes from being only 50 minutes. It does not overstay it’s welcome at all, and gets out on a high note. If anything, I would have liked at least 15 minutes, to give more room to breathe, flesh out some of the deaths, and work on a few of the bits of plot logic. Four out of five Slimoids.

Entertainment Value: Again, the puppets are so much fun. The kills are fun. There are some downright laugh out loud funny moments. The cops being wanton alcoholics is a blast. This movie is silly, it’s not a classic of anything, it doesn’t say much, but by the phoenix is it ever FUN. Four out of five suspicious glances.