Tales from the Quadead Zone (1987)

TALES FROM THE QUADEAD ZONE

WRITER: Chester N. Turner

DIRECTOR: Chester N. Turner

STARRING: Shirley Latanya Jones as Bobby's Mother

Keefe L. Turner as Ted Johnson

John W. Jones as Daryl

Dan Kugler as 2nd Police Officer

Richard Tanguy as 1st Police Officer

QUICK CUT: A mother reads stories to her child, and his father comes by to visit.

THE MORGUE

Bobby’s Mother - A loving mother who can’t quite let her dead son go, and continues to read him stories long after he’s gone.

Daryl - Bobby’s father, a brute of a man, who has zero patience for how long it takes someone to grieve.

Fred - A man who has been put down and outdone by his brother throughout his entire life, and is seeking revenge.

TRISK ANALYSIS: Welcome back, Triskelions! We've had a good run of vacation themed movies, but this week, to kick off August, it is a genuine classic of bad, obscure cinema - Tales from the Quadead Zone!

For the longest time, this was THE holy grail of VHS collectors, since very very few were ever made. I think the number was 1000, but don't quote me on that. It was finally brought to DVD, and the masses, thanks to Massacre Video...in an edition I completely missed. But they fortunately have rereleased it, and here we are! And hey, it's even on Tubi, so now this movie will live forever. This is the beauty of technology, but I digress.

The movie opens up with someone jamming on their Casio keyboard, over some pretty decent sketches, and finally we get a Madball candle sitting on a kitchen table. This is all giving me some MAJOR Carl Sukenick vibes, but...better? Somehow?

Meanwhile, "Momma" as I am going to call her throughout the movie, is doing dishes and HOLY SHIT FLOATING MUG. Yeah, it's a simple trick with fishing line, but you don't expect even basic special effects like this, on a movie that is clearly done on a shoestring (or fishing line!) budget. On top of that, it's all very well done.

The floating kitchenware is thanks to "Bobby" the ghost of Momma's dead son, whom she talks to, and still treats largely like he's still with her, even with his etherealness and tendency to drop mugs.

Bobby wants momma to read him a story, and provides her with a book that he makes appear out of nowhere, the eponymous Tales from the Quadead Zone.

Also in the "good special effects" department, they tug on a seat cushion from underneath, to make it look like an invisible someone is taking the seat. I am genuinely impressed.

The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend…

So Momma starts reading from the anthology, and the first story is "Food for ?". And it's a simple story of a poor family called the Novaks, and after one of them buggers off to be possessed by the angel Castiel, are having trouble feeding everyone.

The family is gathered around a table, all eight of them, but there is only food enough for four, as exemplified by four sandwiches. Once Papa Novak rings a bell, the family dives in, and it is literally first come, first serve.

And look, the easy solution here before gladiatorial kitchen table combat, would be, oh, I dunno, SLICING THE SANDWICHES IN HALF. Yes, half a sandwich isn't as good as a whole, but it's better than NOTHING so at least everyone is getting a little.

We see this a few times, until one of the Novak kids has had enough, grabs a shotgun, and kills off several of his siblings, so there is enough food for everyone. And bonus, now you have all those dead Novaks to make food out of! ...WHAT??

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work at the Slaughterhouse.

There is one more iteration the next day, and Poppa Novak is about to say there's only enough food for less than five, but the big guy growls, and it is suddenly a non issue. Cute.

It's a short, simple, but I would argue effective little story. And it's capped off with a who died later as this kept happening, and what happened to the rest style rundown, but whatever. Back to Momma and Bobby!

Since this is an anthology, Momma has little choice but to read her ghostchild another story, called "The Brothers".

The story starts with Fred, a successful business owner, already dead. His brother Ted takes the opportunity to break into the funeral home to take care of some unfinished sibling rivalry.

After a few attempts at jumpscares, Ted and his accomplices find his brother's body and take it home, threatening to make this a whole Weekend at Freddie's situation.

They have drinks to celebrate their heist, and OH MY GODS, Ted drinks out of a giant mug shaped like a breast. I feel like people of a certain era have all seen this mug, in one way, shape or form. My dad had one.

And then there is a LOT of talking trying to fill in the back story of trying to pull off the heist. Zzzz.

His friends shortly leave, so Ted can have a chat with the corpse of his brother, and we get into the whys of this. And it's your typical story of a brother living in his sibling's shadow, getting the short end of everything, as the favoured son gets it all. Some deliberate, some not. But in Fred's case, it was almost all deliberate.

The icing on the cake was when Fred took Ted's wife, ruining their marriage, and having her commit suicide. And then, and then!! Fred had the indecency to DIE before Ted could get his revenge. Yes, this is very "HOW DARE YOU DIE BEFORE I COULD KILL YOU!" and I love it.

So Ted had to come up with something else, and it is to...dress his brother up in a clown costume, and make sure he won't be buried in the mausoleum he had built to his glory, and will never enjoy it in the afterlife.

Once Fred is all clowned up, Ted heads downstairs to finish digging his brother's unmarked, unremarkable grave, and wouldn't you know it? Fred has the nerve to come back to life.

The siblings have their rivalry out in the basement, but undead Fred the clown is back stronger than before, and easily lifts his brother across the room and takes a hammer to the head.

Oh, his voice is also distorted to signify his otherworldlyness, and I'm sure he's saying something real and it's not gibberish, but I can't make it out. Enough of the lines do sneak through though.

Needless to say, Frozo the Clown eventually wins the fight, and that story comes to an end, and it's back to Bobby and Momma.

But before she can read Yet Another Story, Daryl shows up. Daryl was Bobby's dad, a pretty awful person, and he shows it in short order when he attacks Momma for having enough of her stories about their dead son still lingering.

Bobby, next time bring mommy a softcover book to read.

The couple fight throughout the house, and eventually Momma stabs Daryl with a knife. He manages to call the cops though before he gives up the ghost. Two cops show up surprisingly quickly, before she can read another story. Poor girl keeps getting interrupted.

Needless to say, Momma being covered in blood, and a dead body right there, is not a good look. The cops arrest her on the spot, and as she's having her rights read to her, she starts freaking out about leaving Bobby alone.

She asks to go to the bathroom to try and collect her wits, and the lead cop knowing about what happened to Bobbert and showing some sympathy, allows it.

Which turns out being a mistake, after a rather lengthy sit down and think section, Momma slices her throat rather than be taken away from her child, and so now they will unlive together in the afterlife.

TRISK ASSESSMENT

Video: Well, it’s shot on video, so there is a lot to be desired. But I’ve certainly seen worse. It is what it is, and looks all right.

Audio: It sounds as good as it can, but sometimes the music does drown out the dialogue. And the distortions leave a lot to be desired.

Sound Bite: "What the fuck you want a dead body for, man??" "Revenge, man!"

Body Count: A fine amount of bodies, for an hour long movie.

1 - One of the Novaks gets shot almost 11 minutes in.

2 - And a second

3 - And then a third.

4 - And a few days later, a fourth

5 - And a fifth

6 - The gunman gets sentenced to death in the gas chamber

7 - Ted gets stabbed by his dead brother

8 - Daryl gets knifed by momma

9 - Momma kills herself with a razor blade.

Best Corpse: Ted’s death stands out, as a nice bit of blood.

Blood Type - C: Some all right splats of blood, but nothing too noteworthy.

Drink Up! Every time Bobby speaks.

Movie Review: For the most part, this is pretty solid. The stories are fine, and there’s maybe a bit too much of an issue with balance. The Novak story is way too sort with no real meat to it (Much to their chagrin, I’m sure), and the Brothers goes on way too long and doesn’t get to the point fast enough. And the final story with Momma also is a bit too slow at times, and could get to the point faster. Still, I respect the hell out of this, for putting together a movie of this quality, with what Turner had available to him at the time, and still have it be well shot, and well enough acted. Three out of five clown noses.

Entertainment Value: The best part of this is seeing what they can pull off with little to no money. The kills are okay, and there’s fun to be had sprinkled here and there, but it’s a bit too slowly paced to really hold your interest. Still, it’s worth checking out, just for its place in history, and the can do attitude and passion behind it. Two out of five floating mugs.