Slaughterhouse (1987) — Triskaidekafiles

SLAUGHTERHOUSE

WRITER: Rick Roessler

DIRECTOR: Rick Roessler

CAST: Sherry Bendorf as Liz Borden

Don Barrett as Lester Bacon

William Houck as Sheriff Borden

Joe Barton as Buddy

Eric Schwartz as Skip

Jane Higginson as Annie

Jeff Grossi as Buzz

QUICK CUT: A man tries to keep his farm, but runs afoul of local businesses trying to claim it.

THE MORGUE

Lester - The owner of a farm and slaughterhouse that has fallen on hard times. He will do anything to protect his farm, and is very anti modernisation

Buddy - Lester’s son, who has a learning disability and unable to say a word. He doesn’t understand much, but he will do anything for dear old dad.

Harold - Lester’s lawyer, trying to make him the best deal, and help him out.

Sheriff Borden - The local sheriff who just wants all this to be over with.

Tom - A local businessman interested in buying the farm.

TRISK ANALYSIS: Welcome back, Triskelions! For June, I decided to do a back to back feature on houses, starting with this week's review, Slaughterhouse. I hope you enjoy it, so let's just dive right on in!

The movie opens up with a Deputy Dave showing up at a local makeout spot where a bunch of kids are hanging out...unfortunately he was also there to make out with his mistress, so this isn't gonna end well.

All the kids give Dave a scare, and we find out they're all plotting to make a movie. The whole group teases each other, and go their separate ways.

And presenting your canon fodder for the evening…

Two of the kids stay behind, flirting and chasing each other, until they run afoul of a mountain of a man with a blade to match, giving us our first kills of the flick.

Which leads to the credits, played out over the slaughtering and butchering of pigs. And while I have no problem with this, out of everything I've watched? This is somehow some of the most uncomfortable stuff I've seen.

From there, we meet Harold and Tom, who want to buy out Lester Bacon's property before the government takes it away for back taxes, and so Tom can take over the old slaughterhouse (Hey!) and modernise the condemned facility.

They are joined by Sheriff Borden, Lizzie's fa...ARE YOU KIDDING ME HER NAME IS LIZZIE BORDEN??

So the three arrive at Lester's place, and try one more time to talk him into selling, and he rants about how in his day, people took pride in their work, it was quality, with heart, etc etc. You get the idea. Pride goeth before the anti-technology rant.

I really don't get why he is so resolute to not sell. The government is THIS close to wanting to take his property. He'd at least get SOMEthing. Is he THAT dead set against letting ANYONE automate meat packing?

We also meet Buddy, Lester's son, who just so happens to be the guy who killed the kids earlier. He only communicates in grunts and squeals and barks, so this is fun.

These hands are small I know, but they pack meat, it's all I know.

They also mention another son, which is sure to be a plot point later on...and no. No it is not. Not at all.

While the kids plot out their movie, the Bacons wander around the slaugthterhouse. Lester heads into a room, where Buddy tries to stop him...but he discovers the kids his son slaughtered earlier.

Dad is upset, if impressed, with his son's work. He says how there's other people he'd rather see getting hacked up and heeeeeyy!!

While Lester calls up all the people he wants murdered to lure them to their deaths, we spend a lot of time with the kids, trying to figure out what they're gonna do for the movie and, hey! Let's go film at the old slaughterhouse! Man, making a horror movie at a slaughterhouse is such a silly idea.

Meanwhile, Deputy Dave hears about the two missing kids, and since he was one of the last people to see them alive, he heads out to the slaughterhouse to go see what he can see.

Dave finds a dead cat, and soon finds Buddy, who slices off the deputy's hand, causing hi to bleed to death on the ground.

Buddy proudly shows dad his handiwork, but doesn't realise he killed the wrong lawman. He didn't shoot the sheriff, but he sure did kill the deputy.

So Harold shows up to try and work out this deal, and gets lead into a room where Buddy threatens him with his giant cleaver.

Eventually, they get bored of playing around, grabs the lawyer's head, and crushes it like an empty beer can.

Sheriff Borden tries to track down his wayward deputy, tracks down Dave’s mistress instead, and this makes her drive out to try and find him.

Instead, she encounters Buddy, mistaking him for her boyfriend at first, because she recognises the car. She pulls over expecting her man, and gets killed instead.

Also, we find out the deputy is Dave Thomas. That...that has to be a coincidence, right? Did this movie seriously name a character after the founder of Wendy's?

Dave ate too many double bacon cheeseburgers

Back at the slaughterhouse, Tom also shows up to try and work out this deal, and gets tossed into a meat grinder. I'm sure he'll be sold off to the local cat food company.

Meanwhile, the kids are still milling about, and I'm just waiting for them to finish up with an extended party sequence before getting the murdering.

Fortunately a storm comes along, and the guys make a bet that the girls won't survive an hour along in the creepy slaughterhouse at night.

This is the point where the plot really starts to drag. It's our usual wandering around aimlessly as the guys try and spook the girls, and we're just waiting for the inevitable. Also, this eventually becomes the standard 'wandering around shouting out names' scene.

At least amidst all this wandering, we do start picking the kids off, but there is just so much dragging at this point, and it really brings the movie down for me.

The plot is very simple, there is no mystery, we know who the killer is, and it's all just a matter of waiting to see when the shit is gonna hit the fan, and who will die when.

All of this culminates to Lizzie finding all her dead friends hanging off hooks like they're waiting for a Cenobite, and Lester shows up with an amazing little "This little piggy" routine. It is easily the highlight of the movie, wonderfully delivered, and so creepy. And I suspect the reason they made the movie.

The sheriff knows something is up, so FINALLY heads to the slaughterhouse, while we get treated to watching his daughter being tormented.

When Lester demonstrates what he has in store for Lizzie on her friend Annie, who died off camera, Liz fights back and kicks Lester into a rack of hooks, and makes a run for it.

She runs into her dad, who ushers her out of the place, but not before getting stabbed in the back. Liz gets him and herself to his car, they try to drive off, but Lester is still going after being stabbed and shot and everything else.

But he cannot survive being run over, and it looks like the pair are gonna drive off into the sunrise!

Which is the perfect time for Buddy to pop up out of the backseat, as dad dies, and stab his way into the credits!

TRISK ASSESSMENT

Video: As always with VinSyn, this looks pretty good for this sort of movie.

Audio: The audio sounds solid too, and fills the room nicely.

Sound Bite: squeals in pig

Body Count: For having that dragging middle part, the movie sure does have a nice body count, so I appreciate that.

1 - Kevin gets bludgeoned in the face by Buddy around 6:30

2 - Michelle joins him very shortly

3 - Dave gets his hand lopped off and bleeds out on the slaughterhouse floor.

4 - Buddy squishes Harold's skull like a grape.

5 - Sally gets her throat slit after being chased by a disguised Buddy.

6 - Businessman gets put through the meat grinder

7 - Buddy bashes Skip in the back of the head.

8 - And then bashes Buzz in the fake good with a gaff.

9 - When did Annie die?

10 - Lester gets run over by Lizzie.

11 - Sheriff gets stabbed in the back and slowly dies

12 - The movie cuts before anything happens, but safe to assume Lizzie gets stabbed in the face.

Best Corpse: Tom getting mangled into meaty bits is gory fun.

Blood Type - B-: Quite a bit of blood, lots of effects, so no major complaints. Restrained in the best way.

Sex Appeal: Nothing to speak of

Drink Up! every time you laugh at a very on the nose name

Video Nasties: Gotta share that This Little Piggy moment…

Movie Review: This is actually a very well made flick, and while it lags a bit, and is pretty obvious, the ride is pretty good. The acting isn’t bad, and the biggest complaint is how superfluous the kids are, other than dead bodies. The story is really about Lester and the three trying to take the farm. A strange balance for this era. Three out of five pigtails

Entertainment Value: The silliness of Buddy, the deaths being pretty creative and nicely bloody, help keep this movie. I enjoy it way more than I should. Every time I start watching it, I am surprised by how into it I get. And then the lag hits and I sulk..but it comes back with a thrilling ending. Three out of five severed hands.