What I'm Watching: Silent Night

Just when I think I am done with this series...

They make a remake!

...Reboot?

Kinda?

Anyways, someone took the idea of a killer Santa Claus and updated it for the slickness of 2012.  It's got enough shared DNA with the original movie that yeah, I guess this is a reboot of the franchise.  But how does it fare?

I surprisingly reeeally liked this one.

It has its flaws.  It has it's cheese, it has its bad acting, but overall, it's quite good.  I don't think it is as controversial as the original, nor do I feel that movie should have been as controversial in the first place, but it does have its over the top moments some people will be displeased with.  But then, what horror movie worth its blood doesn't?

Nor is the movie as insane as the original's first sequel, but then, what is?  Well, #5, but the less said about that, the better.

The plot of Silent Night (Booo to losing the Deadly Night half, that just made for an interesting sounding movie), centers around, that's right, a guy dressed up as Santa Claus and wreaking havoc in a small town.

Yep, it's very much the similar plot to that first movie, but with some major differences.  The first movie focuses squarely on the killer, and really delves into his psychology, building up a character profile of this messed up guy.  This new take focuses on the police tracking him down, and keeps the killer at arm's length, and you never really learn ANYthing about him until the final moments.  This makes the killer more generic, but it's also a fair way to deal with him.  Many horror movies do that, and the masked killer is a classic trope.  Fair enough.

There are some great kills in this movie, and even a few that reference the original.  In fact, this movie is littered with references, and each one made me smile.  They let you know that this is an homage to the first, and they were having fun with the idea.  There's even a GREAT nod to #2's "Garbage day!" which had me cracking up.

Jamie King is the lead deputy sheriff in this, but the true star is Malcolm MacDowell.  He is...very Malcolm in this.  The guy can be really great, but we've all seen him being insanely cheesy as well.  And he is in full on gouda here.  He gets some terrible lines, and he channels his best David Caruso to deliver them.  And it is BRILLIANT.  So, so terrible.

The biggest loss is that we lose delving into the killer, and that really made the original movie special.  So rarely do we follow the killers, and feel they're justified in what they do, or at worst, understand them.  We don't get that here, and the movie is lacking for it.  This is more a sign of the times and what people want, than an actual problem with the movie.  Each film is a product of their times.

This all adds up to a fun little slasher movie that does its own thing, while not worrying too much about the past, and still giving nods where appropriate.  It has its failings, but overall, is a decent enough slasher movie, and is leaps and bounds better than most of the other SNDN franchise.

I definitely recommend it, as I was pleasantly surprised by getting something very entertaining in all the right ways.

J

What I'm Watching: ParaNorman

Sure, this is stop-motion animation, and aimed kinda towards the younger crowd.  But it IS a movie about zombies, and also aimed at the horror crowd, so I have zero problem talking about this here!

I *loved* ParaNorman.

Honestly, I'd probably say it's better than Brave, for me, which I also liked quite a lot.  But ParaNorman really resonated with me.  Mainly because of my interests, and the themes they dealt with.

The basic story is about a kid in high school in New England, who can talk to ghosts.  He tries desperately to get through the day, not be noticed, not be made fun of, and just try and survive school when he's seen as a freak.  He also has something of a destiny to deal with, so there's that on top of everything else.

This is something so many people can relate to.  I was one of those outcast kids, I'm sure many people reading this were, and there are moments where this movie really goes for the gut, and speaks to that part of me, even though it was a long time ago that I had to deal with any of that shit.

While watching the movie, I almost instantly thought, "Wow, this looks so much like my hometown!" and lo and behold, it did turn out to be set in New England, as evidenced by the talk of pilgrims, the Mayflower, and witches.  But it got even better when it turns out they actually did some location scouting for inspiration in Salem, Massachusetts and other New England areas, so yeah!  It pretty much was my hometown!  I'll admit this helped endear the movie to me that much more.  But I loved the movie before knowing that for certain.

The story is set up wonderfully, and humourously, and really books along at quite a good pace.  The stpp motion is just...amazing.  We have come so fat with this sort of stuff, that you forget it's puppets being moved at a fraction of a second at a time, and I swore this was CGI for the longest time!

I will say, I wasn't quite in love with the movie for the first half of the movie, which isn't to say it was bad.  It was great, but just kinda doing good stuff that wasn't really latching onto me.  But once the second half kicked in, once things got turned on their head, I instantly went from really liking to loving this movie.  Quite a few unexpected turns that make the movie something special, a great message or two for kids trying to deal with their own damage in school, and a great wrap up really made for a great film.

There are SO many nice little nods in this movie for the long-time horror fan.  My personal favourite is, naturally, a certain hockey mask. ;)  I'll leave the rest for y'all to find on your own.

ParaNorman doesn't shy away from the scares for the kids, which is SO SO damned refreshing.  This doesn't try to be clean and sanitised.  It's very much got a little Grimm Fairy Tales in its storytelling DNA.  And like all good family movies, it is good for kids and adults alike, as I can atest to.

If you're a horror fan, I would say this is a must-see, or just an animation fan, or just a fan of good, family movies that don't talk down to you.

ParaNorman is easily in my top ten for 2012.

J

What I'm Watching: Best Worst Movie

So, right after watching Troll 2, I watched the documentary made almost 15 years after the fact that took a look at the strange cult following the movie has aquired, where the cast is now, and a little behind the scenes.

This is such a fascinating story.  It really centers around the actor who played the father in the movie, who's real career is as a dentist.  Not surprisingly, his acting career was mostly unknown, until the weird popularity of Troll 2 took off in the 21st century.

He's just as baffled by the popularity as I am, but he goes along with it, is swept up in the whole craziness of the fandom, going to showings, having a blast, getting annoyed at convention appearances (With some seriously scathing commentary that is both true and a little infurating to me), and eventually he tires of it and goes back home to his dentistry practice.

There's more to it than that, but the rise and fall of his interest in the fandom (He still has it, don't get me wrong, but even he says the joke wears thin after awhile), is a great throughline to follow this movie.  It gives you an in on all kinds of things, and just works as a way to explore the weird movie known as Troll 2.

The best stuff here, for me, is the behind the scenes stuff.  Finding out just what the hell went wrong with this movie, and how much of it WAS DELIBERATE is just mind blowing.  The director thinking his little movie was a serious project, and is more or less exactly what he wanted, and spends a lot of his appearance in BWM *defending* Troll 2 is crazy.

I'm not a big documentary guy, but this was good to watch, and packed with even more footage on the DVD going even more behind the scenes of the making of Troll 2.  It manages to have a decent story to it and be more than just "And this happened, then this, and this".  If you're a fan of Troll 2, or if you can't stand the movie and want to see what the hell went wrong, this is worth a look.

J

What I'm Watching: Zombie Strippers

How could I *not* review a movie with this name?

I'd been aware of it for awhile, but had not gotten around to watching it, until a friend of mine told me that she thought it was just terrible.

Well now, that's kinda like offering a little kid a lollipop.  Gotta see just how much it sucks!

Another person I know said the movie was 'the best' and well...  how did the movie fare?  Was it terrible, or was it the best?

You can probably guess from the name, but let's take a look at this.

Now, I did NOT hate this movie.  It IS pretty bad though.  It opens up with some awfuly created news reports that I could do on my computer.  From 1999.  And then there is some terrible exposition and even worse acting from some army soldiers.  Oh, and a trashy EMP effect that is pointless, because it does nothing and plays no role in the plot ever again.

The movie does get a bit better once we get that over with and move on to the strip club.  And not because of the strippers, believe me.  Their acting is just as bad as the soldiers, mostly.

But we do get Robert Englund as the skeevy club owner who, upon seeing his strippers become EVEN BETTER STRIPPERS once they're zombies, sees a goldmine of an opportunity!  He chews the scenery like only the former Freddy Krueger can, and it is awesome.  He has some great lines, with great delivery, and him alone is worth watching.

The movie is stifled though, by too much stripping.  Yes, I know what I am saying.  But it goes on for so long, with so many strippers, and they all have to do their bits, as regular strippers and then as zombies.  And stripping battles too!

I don't mind that stuff, but there is just soo much, that it detracts from...  Uh...  Not the plot.  Not the story...  Let's just say it fluffs out the movie and move on.

But there's some good gags here, I got a few laughs, and the blood and gore effects are seriously not terrible.  Some great headshots, an amazing jaw tear, some skeletal bones, and other stuff.

The movie isn't entirely a waste of time, but you might want to keep the fast forward button handy.  I saw it free on Amazon, and I will tell you this: That is the right price for me.  If you can do the same, and got 90 minutes to kill, what the hell.  You could do worse.

I'd give it a barely three out of five.  Probably 2.9 if I had to say that specifically..  Too padded, too much awful acting, but with some good bloody bits, and Englund make it be at least entertaining for some parts of it.  But brace yourself for cheese.

And still WAYYY better than Clown Hunt, once you get past the opening army scene.

J
But seriously, where the FUCK did the donkey come from?!

What I'm Watching: Paranormal Activity 4

Aww yeah, it's October, so it must be time for a new Saw mo...er, Paranormal Activity movie!

I remain in sheer awe at the level of quality this series has kept over four movies.  Four movies that come out yearly, so have to have a quick turnaround rate.

Now, I saw they're all of high quality, but you know what I mean.  These aren't mind blowing movies, they're not amazing, but they do what they do.  And they DO IT WELL.  Every year, I don't think they can do it again, but each movie keeps being good.

The third was a bit of a let down, but that was more because it felt like a distraction from the overarching storyline, not because it wasn't an entertaining movie in and of itself.

I love that every movie in this series has had its own language.  The first had the handheld cams, the second brought in 24/7 security cameras.  The third had to get creative with how to do this sort of movie in the 80s, and even then became innovative to the overall formula by bringing in panning cameras!

PA 4 ups the game once again, by bringing in the XBox Kinect.  I let out a squee when I saw that in the trailers, because the Kinect's tracking dots, as seen through night vision, was a BRILLIANT idea, and I was SO SO pleased that they were going to be doing shit with those.  So many of the things in this series are invisible to our eyes, and that's what makes many of the effects so, um, effective.  We never see "Toby".  He's this unseen malevolent force wreaking havoc.  But...how will he interact with the Kinect?

And holy fuck, it was one of THE best scenes in any of the PA movies.  In fact, this movie had some of the best scares in the entire run.

All the movies have kinda been poked fun at for having nothing much happen until the last five minutes, but this one had a LOT happening all throughout the movie.  And worst of all, when you least expect it.  We all know the bad stuff happens at night.  We're safe during the day.  We feel that way while watching the movies too, and each PA has played around with that notion to an extent.  You have to, to be surprising.  But PA 4 has SO many scares and jumps in broad daylight.  Most of them, by my reckoning.  And I love that.  Totally breaks the rules, and you stop feeling safe AT ALL.

There were some problems though.  I despised these weird time jumps the movie did.  It was only two, three times, but they would have someone walk out a door, then there'd be a jump cut, without moving the camera or going to another one, when they were suddenly in the middle of the room.  And with a loud BANG noise to boot.  It was jarring, broke the language of their storytelling, broke the reality they were going for, and made me question if they were actually being somehow magically teleported, because of how sudden it was, being in camera, and the weird noises to boot.

The character of Ben annoyed me.  The father was an almost non-existant character.  The lead girl was great, and felt very natural in her surroundings.  (Another problem, she was suddenly on sleeping pills?  That was a bit out of nowhere.  Sure, weird stuff was happening, but there hadn't been THAT much by that point, IIRC...)  And the kid playing Robbie was appropriately creepy as all hell.  And Katie Featherston is back in true form, after taking time off for PA3.  Who'd have thought that this pretty, unassuming woman would be one of the bad-assest movie 'monsters' of my generation?

The story is satisfying, and they inch the overall narrative forward again, and while the scares were great, and the movie was fun, I think now that we are four movies in, things are starting to feel like we have to wrap this up soon.  Even with each movie still being entertaining, I feel like this series is on the verge of overstaying its welcome.  I really hope they can wrap things up very soon, and everything stays this high of a quality.  I'd hate for the next movie or two being the ones that kill the series.  Let's go out on a high!  If this series goes past six movies, I think that will be just too much.  Two trilogies worth of strong, spooky movies feels just about right.

I'm not sure where I rank PA 4 amongst the others.  I definitely put it ahead of three, because it gets the story back on track, and the scares are great.  But I still think I lean towards 1 or 2.  Still, the fact that I am indecisive over what's best out of a series four movies old, says a lot.

If you're a fan of the series, you're gonna go watch it anyways.  And you won't regret it.

What I'm Watching: Iron Sky

And back once more!

I first heard about Iron Sky something like two, three years ago, it seems.  The first trailer was amazing.  It was low budget, but still looked great, and had this amazing premise of a lost colony of space Nazis hiding on the far side of the moon.  Yet, it did not take itself too seriously, which is probably a good thing when you're talking Nazis.

Finally, the movie came out on DVD recently, and I gotta say, this is yet another great, great movie to come out this year.  How awesome has 2012 been?

Anyways, you get the premise.  Space Nazis.  Who finally have the means to come back to Earth, and wreak a little havoc.

The movie is wonderfully shot, filmed on this grand scale, which was only achievable with their budget by using copious amounts of green screen, but it totally works for them.

The cast is great, the story wavers from making you laugh, to dead seriousness, to political satire, and back to social commentary.  All wrapped up in some clever, unique scifi trappings.  A movie described as "Space Nazis hiding on the Moon invade the Earth" should NOT be this good.

Sometimes it gets a bit weak, as the low budgetness shines through, but they know their limitations well enough to not try and go too far at times.  Even though they still pulled off an epic space scene or two.

There are a few moments of uncomfortableness, such as the Nazis Aryanising a black man, but that plot thread serves some purpose to the overall narrative, and ends well, at least, so the squirming it gave me turned out okay.

I would probably describe Iron Sky as one of the biggest little movies I've seen in awhile.  It is a must see for any science fiction fans, and likely you already want to see it, if you've seen the trailers.

What I'm Watching: The Raven

Rolling along the review train, our next stop is the box office bomb, The Raven.

I really wanted to get out to see this, since I'm a big fan of Poe, and I loved the idea of doing a sort of alternate take on a portion of his life where he's trying to solve a crime.

The DVD finally came out, and soe I got to see it!

I was not entirely disappointed.  This is not a bad movie at all.  It's not a great movie either, but fits firmly in my love of entertaining films that are a blast to watch, but not the greatest thing ever.

John Cusack as Poe is, quite frankly, awesome.  Especially at the start of the film.  He is HILARIOUSLY over the top, chewing scenery, and I just adore the performance he gives, his Poe thinking he is the smartest person in the room, and reminding everyone about it at every moment he can.

The plot concerns a series of murders that mimic a number of the deaths in Poe's own stories, so the police call him in as a possible suspect, but eventually use him as a consultant, since no one will know the material better.  That's a great idea for a story, especially using the father of American horror and scifi, as well as giving the movie a number of good, gory deaths to play with.  Because Poe was one dark, dark man.

The biggest flaw of the movie is that it sometimes takes itself too seriously, and the plot gets a *little* too clever for its own good.  I like the twists and turns it takes, and everything turns out well enough in the end.  It's complex, but makes a reasonable amount of sense.

I can easily see why this movie didn't do box office magic, but it should have gotten more respect than it did.  It was a mostly enjoyable mystery with a great performance by Cusack, who is clearly the star here.  And the actor he plays off of for most of the movie, his reluctant partner on the police force in Baltimore, gives an equally solid showing, keeping up with the often manic Poe.

I love that this movie exists, and is in my collection, but for everyone else, I'd say at least you have to watch it.  Not a buy, necessarily, but worth the 90 minutes of your time.

J

What I'm Watching: A Cadaver Christmas

As y'all know, I will occasionally grab or watch something random because it looks fun, and might fit in with my tastes, and what this site is all about.

That's what drew me to Cadaver Christmas.

C'mon, just look at that title.  You know I *had* to watch it, right?

This...

This may be one of my favourite Christmas horror movies.

It's a simple story.  A janitor shows up in a bar on Christmas Eve, covered in blood.  He casually goes to the bathroom to clean up, while the barkeep calls the a cop friend of his.  Once the janitor comes back out, he starts telling his crazy story of walking cadavers in the local college.  The cop doesn't quite buy it, naturally, and they all rush off to verify the guy's tale.

And hilarity ensues.

No really, hilarity.

This is very much a horror movie, with the same tropes, lots of blood, and a few jumps.  But it also comes with many jokes, and a strong sense of humour.  Many movies have tried to be the "American" Shaun of the Dead, and I think this one comes the closest.  It's more humour than "Shaun" by quite a bit, and doesn't quite have us much pathos in the end, but it is still a solid story told with humour and horror.

It is cheesy, yes.  They're going for a bit of the Grindhouse feel, and they come pretty close, without being annoying, or TOO faithful to that genre, or letting it get in the way.  The dialogue is badly recorded, deliberately so I presume, and they graded the film to make it scratchy and off.  The whole feel of this is like something from the 80s, and it works well.

If you like the sound of an 80s style, low budget, hilarious and fun movie that has a zombie massacre take place to Christmas songs, then you have GOT to check out Cadaver Christmas.

There's a character named Officer Sam Sheriff, for Kaufman's sake!  That's a double pun right there!!

J

What I'm Watching: Revolution, Beauty & the Beast

I'm gonna give y'all a tv two-fer today, playing some catchup on the new season.

I've been watching Revolution for a few weeks now.  This is the new show from J.J. Abrams, and Erik Kripke.  The basic premise is that one day, the power goes out, and doesn't come back on.  The story picks up 15 years later, the power is still out, militias are slowly consolidating power, and the adventure begins.

That's a solid premise for a show, and I think for the most part, we've got something good here.  The acting is decent enough, the show looks great...in fact, the biggest complaint is that it looks TOO good.  It has that 'pretty people in a post apocalypse' problem that is all too prevalent in visual media.  But for me?  I can live with it.  It doesn't really bother me that much.

The other big complaint is that comments have point out how things don't make sense, electricity doesn't work that way, why haven't they made more yet, etc.  But I do not get these complaints.  THE SHOW ITSELF is constantly pointing out how this is wrong, how unnatural it is, and how the laws of science are broken, because this is wrong!  This is a plot point, not a plot hole, people.  Granted, it will probably just be handwaved with a magic explanation, but I am not overly bugged by it.

They're slowly expanding the world, and things are mostly holding together.  I'm interested in where things are going, and so far, this is my fave new show of the season.

Meanwhile, on the CW, we have Beauty & the Beast.  This is a remake of the 80s series starring Linda Hamilton and the heavy makeup effects on Ron Perlman.

This time around, the show is about a cop who had a strange encounter that has haunted her life ever since; she was saved from an attack, by a strange, beast-like man.  Years later, she's investigating a case, and it leads her straight into that same man.  He's wrapped up in a government conspiracy, and now Catherine is drawn into it as well, although she may have a larger connection to it than she at first suspected.

I didn't watch much of the original, so I have no major connection to it, but I found this show to be mostly okay.  It didn't blow me away, I saw most of the twists coming, and I kinda roll my eyes at not going all the way with the Beast side of things, and leaving us with a handsome leading man to draw in the ladies.  Making him permanently and always a monster is more interesting, IMO, and showing that someone like that can still be a romantic lead as well.

But this is the hand we're dealt, and what we get is good enough of a start.  I'm not really as intrigued by what may come from B&B as I am by Arrow, but the mystery was nice.  And it feels like it has been a while since we've done the detective with a supernatural partern trope, so I'm gonna keep watching for now.

J

What I'm Watching: Sinister

Wow.

The trailers for this movie looked AMAZING.  Some of the creepier imagery I've seen in a long time.  And they set such a great mood and idea.  I was so totally stoked for this movie.

So of course I walked out of the theatre VERY disappointed with the movie.

Sinister has some good points.  Ethan Hawke as Ellison Oswald is amazing.  He puts in one hell of a performance as a writer struggling for one more hit book, struggling to keep it together, keep his family together, and figure out the mystery he's stumbled into.

That part of the movie totally works.

Watching him try and piece things together takes up much of the movie, and that is a problem.  They really give you every inch of research he does.  And that can be a good thing, but after the entire first act, you kinda just want to see shit happen.

Much of the movie you spend time watching Ellison do nothing more than watch movies, and get drunk.  I find this almost as thrilling as I would when I'd hang out with friends and end up just watching them play video games.  This is not fun.

It's well done stuff, and there are some good moments in the research, and it is JUST interesting enough, but they really needed to do something to move the pace along.  Maybe if this wasn't marketed as a horror movie, it would be more palatable?  I'm not sure.  Maybe if it was a dark, twisted drama with a few supernatural elements, I'd be happier.

The movie also relies WAY too much on the dreaded jump scare.  Almost every good scare comes from BAM SOMETHING JUMPS AT YOU and no real tension.  Sinister builds tension but then BAM LOUD NOISE.

And when it does try to be legit scary, it just ends up being kids doing weird things that end up being more silly than scary.  I found myself wanting to laugh way more than I wanted to hide under my seat.  Which...yeah, that's failure number one on the list of things to avoid.

Kids CAN be creepy.  Watch any damned j-horror movie, or The Shining.  But here, they don't say anything, they just mug for the camera, with silly, derpy faces.  And when they try and hide from notice, they hunch over like Quasimodo and tip toe around.  I am so sorry, but no.  That's goofy.

This movie had SUCH promise, but it failed to deliver that promise.  I may give it another chance though, just for Hawke's performance, and much of the dialogue is sharp...it's just the plot and actual attempts to scare that fail miserably.  If I come at it with a different mindset, from a different angle, maybe I'll like it more.

I feel like this is the "Red Eye" debacle all over again.

Sigh.

J
Yes, it's better than Clown Hunt.

What I'm Watching: Arrow

The new fall season has begun!  There's new genre shows aplenty, and I'm going to try and run down the ones I'm watching, and gives my thoughts on them.

Hopefully before they're cancelled.  *coughcough666ParkAvenuecough*

Let's start off with Arrow, the CW's answer to a lack of Smallville, by reworking the DC Comics' character, Green Arrow.

The episode opens with Olivier Queen, a rich, spoiled kid, being discovered on an island where he was stranded five years ago.  He's been believed to be dead by the world at large, so his return is a shock to everyone who knew him.

Once he's back, he sees corruption everywhere in his home city, and sets about putting things right, by crafting the guise of...well, I'm calling him Green Arrow, for the sake of simplicity.

It was a solid pilot, laid out all the pieces well, and left a few dangling mysteries to drive the series forward.  The characters are decent enough, and the cast is mostly good...my biggest problem is Olvier Queen himself!  He's not terrible, but he just seems to be lacking a certain quality.  He seems to just be reciting lines half the time.  I hope the actor settles in over the course of things, because that's something that can get better as he grows more comfortable to Ollie's hood.

I felt the pilot was a bit by the numbers.  There weren't any huge surprises.  There was no moment that made me really want to see the next episode.  There is a TON of stuff in there for the comic fans though, that have promise for things to come...but those are further down the road, and not here.  I can't judge the pilot on what MIGHT come some day.

The hour had that feel of television, which kinda made it feel small at times.  But at least they chose a character that works for.  If this was someone in space, or with amazing powers, it might suffer more.  But a regular guy who is an awesome archer...well, you can work with that on a smaller budget.  And hopefully the show lasts and the budget gets better.

There is a lot of room for improvement on the show, but it starts out with a solid base, so there is hope that these issues WILL improve.  It is definitely not bad, and certainly watchable.

But hey.  It's a pilot.  I do not expect perfection.  I'll watch more, definitely.

What I'm Watching: Dark Shadows

So many movies this month I want to see!  But for now, I am stuck in the land of DVDs, and I just watched the theatrical remake of Dark Shadows.

Now, I am no fan of the original show.  My first experience with it was when NBC tried a remake in...the early 90s?  I really don't remember it well.

But I have seen a few episodes, thanks to Scifi Channel and such, so I am not completely clueless.

I was a little concerned at the looks of it from trailers, though.  I love me some camp, and if you're a fan of Dark Shadows, you gotta be one too.  But those trailers seemed a little too much, maybe because ALL they were showing was the campier bits.

But what I got, was a pleasant surprise.

The first twenty minutes of the movie were especially enjoyable.  They set a mood and a tone, and the voiceover did a great job.  I really enjoyed the whole setup.  It really helped draw you in.

But then...the camp began.  It wasn't TOO bad though.  They didn't dump it in like the trailer would make you think.  It was there, and it did get a bit cringeworthy at times, but for the most part they held back on it for only some moments here and there.  It never quite overtook the plot.

A random note is that I loved them giving Christopher Lee a few moments he is THE campy horror movie Dracula, and while he didn't play a vampire here, it was nice to see him given a role.  He's the grandfather of Hammer horror, and DS owes a lot to them.  And them to Hammer, I believe.

The cast is actually good all around.  Depp gives a great performance, as expected.  He feels perfectly cast as this man out of time, and he delivers the overblown language perfectly.  His look before becoming a vampire is actually MORE creepy, because of how boyish he looks.  But everyone does their job well, and are fun to watch.

The movie is VERY Tim Burtony, but that's to be expected.  It has his usual themes and tropes, and if you're a fan of Burton, there's a lot to like here.  It is a visually entrancing movie.

It's not really until the last 15, 20 minutes when the movie really falls apart.  They seem like they are in such a rush to finish up the plot, and if it was just Barnabas and one or two others, it wouldn't be so bad.  But they had to bring almost EVERY character into it, and then reveal all their little troubles, how Angelique is involved in all their sucky problems, and it just becomes too much, in too little time.  You could not catch your breath as the weight of too much plot crushes everyone.

But overall, it's a fun movie that everyone had fun making, and while it gets a bit cheesier than it needs to be, it is pretty damned watchable and entertaining.

J

What I'm Watching: The Possession

Killing some time, and procrastinating, before the next review goes up, so I thought I'd share my thoughts on the recent movie, The Possession.

I heard about the movie, naturally, through trailers.  I was interested in seeing it, but then it fell off my radar.  I was fortunately reminded of its existence before it left the theatres, and got out to see it last week.

Now, as you can probably guess, the story is about, a possession.  We've seen plenty of these stories before.  We know how they go.  And this movie is, quite honestly, no exception.

But, it does star Jeffrey Dean Morgan.  And he's watchabe in almost anything.  The girls cast as his kids are also quite good, and the possessed daughter does an amazing job at times, considering her age and the subject matter.  Almost the entire cast does a great job here.

There's nothing terribly original here, but they give you this very familiar story in a very satisfying, well told, and well made way.

We've been here before, but we always like to hear the classics if they're good stories, and done by great storytellers.  Sam Raimi may not have directed this, or wrote it, but he was involved as a producer, and he must have had enough of an influence.

I said in my review of Drag Me to Hell that he is an expert at storytelling and pacing of horror movies, and you get that same sense here.  It's less effective, not quite as refined, but there is a definite sense that they knew just how to get you going at times.  Not as much as if Raimi was running the show, but they get enough right.

My biggest surprise was to actually have the movie NOT go where I feared it would go, where too many movies go, with the ambiguous ending.  It does still kinda go that way, but not in quite so obvious a way as Insidious.  They easily could have ended this movie at a certain point, and it would have been like so many other movies.  But at least the family gets a happy ending, and still have the evil left out in the world.  That is a delicate balance to strive for, and they managed to pull it off.

You could do a lot worse than watching this movie.  I can't complain at all about a well-told story that is perfectly entertaining for 90 minutes.  It may not blow your mind, it may not reinvent the genre, but it tells a solid story in a good way.  A definite recommendation.

J

What I'm Watching: Battleship

So, if someone said to you, hey!  Let's make a movie based on the old board game Battleship! you would probably laugh.

For days.

Heck, I know I did.

And people continued to laugh as the movie was released.  The trailers looked fun, in a Michael Bay sorta way.  But we all saw the title, and we all stayed away, because, well...it just sounds laughable.

Even I didn't get out to the theatre, but for more reasons than just not wanting to see the silly movie.  So, I bought the DVD, watched the movie, and you know what?  I was pleasantly surprised.

This was actually a pretty decent movie.  Yes, sure.  We're talking Battleship.  We're talking about an alien invasion.  It's big, it's over the top, and it IS Michael Baysian.

But unlike a Bay movie, the characters feel real.  Hell, they ARE characters.  They have personalities, they have arcs, they have purpose.  They are not there just to stand around and gawp at explosions and spinning metal.

The movie is directed by Peter Berg (Star of Shocker!  Yes!) and he's actually a really decent director.  He knows what he's in for, and does the best job possible.

Battleship, as a concept, should NOT be this good.  It SHOULD be Transformers 4, in all seriousness.  But it's not.  There's real heart here, good acting, effects...it's the movie any of the Transformers movies should have been.  I wonder if none of those movies had come out, if this one might have been better received.  I think after three Bay-made TF movies of explosions and gnashing metal, we were a bit done.  And throwing this out at the same time, or near enough, was just too much.

I've become a pretty big fan of Taylor Kitsch lately, as he keeps giving these multi-layered performances of characters with so many layers.  He's actually quite good.  He just needs to stop being in movies that no one wants to watch, but end up being pretty damned good!

They did have to do a bit of bending over backwards to get an ACTUAL battleship into the plot, but the way they get there absolutely works, and I was kinda cheering at bringing in the old crew members to help save the day.  It was one of the best moments of the film.

Battleship is destined to become a cult favourite.  There really is a LOT here to like.  If you want a popcorn movie that's got a little more heart and character to it, you MUST see this movie.

J

What I'm Watching: Piranha 3DD

"Josh cut off his penis because something came came out of my vagina."

That line alone...oh gods, the price of admission right there.

My three word review of this movie is thus; dumb, but funny.

FUNNY.

It had a LOT of laughs, but VERY little plot.  But you aren't really watching this for plot, are you?  Still, an attempt at a story would be nice.  Character arcs are basic, if there at all.  The extent of the story is 'piranhas show up, we shoot piranas, piranhas are dead, movie is over."

Along the way though, the cast does some hilarious shit though.

There's nothing to this movie but boobs, blood, and laughs.  It is unashamedly nothing more than that.  It is entertaining as all hell, but SO lacking in any meat.

Unless you're a piranha, in which case there is plenty for you to feed on here.

It is hard to recommend this movie.  The first was fun, and had something to it, but this tossed aside everything that was good, for the sake of boobs and blood.  It's a bit of a letdown.  But if you don't mind an utterly pointless movie that WILL make you laugh, go for it.

J

Still trying to figure out the name...

What I'm Watching: Hunger Games

Okay, first thing is first.  I am not a teenaged girl, nor have I read the books.  My sole exposure to this fandom is pretty much the movie, and nothing more.

So it turns out, I *really* enjoyed the movie.  I can't compare it to the book, and how it differs and holds up though.

It was well made, the acting was almost across the board amazing, the directing was good...  My only real complaints come from the design.  I totally get what they were going for with the fancy, bright colours of the capitol and its people.  I get making everyone there look like an over the top fancy person.  But it really grated on me more often than not.  I wish it had just been toned down just a bit, and a little less theatrical.  But it was a good contrast to the worn down look of everyone else in the movie, so take it as you will.

They did a fair job building this new world, and things pretty much made sense and followed logically.  There were maybe a few stumbles, a few moments that needed a little more fleshing out, but that's not uncommon, and there is only so much time a movie can spend on exposition, when a book can really delve into that stuff.

The other tributes besides Katniss, Peeta, and a few others were terribly underutilised and under characterised.  Again, the limitations of the medium, really.  I wanted to care about all these kids as they died, but really the only ones you care about are like, three people.

The villains of the piece are maybe a little too clearly villains.  A little arch even.  The president especially.  But hey, he's Donald Sutherland, so we forgive that, because he's awesome and you totally buy his arch.  The tribute kids that were our main antagonists, again could have used a little more fleshing out.

But those admittedly small things aside, it was a very good ride, well told and well made.  One of the best scenes for me, that really touched me, was the riot in District 11 when the little girl died during the games.  That really struck a chord, and was handled exactly the way it should have been.

I heard a lot of complaints about the movie becoming Twilighty and romancy at the end, but I didn't get that impression at all.  Yes, the romance subplot did grow towards the climax, but it was a logical outgrowth of events, and did not overtake the larger plot, but instead complimented it.

I definitely recommend seeing this if you haven't yet, and I am tempted to actualyl read the books before the next movie comes out.

J
How could I not love a movie with a girl that gets set on fire and shows off phoenix-like burning wings??

What I'm Watching: Shuffle

Before the new Triskanalysis goes up, I wanted to squeeze in another movie, and I picked this one up on a whim, because the story tickled my interests.

Shuffle is the story of Lovell Milo, a man out of time, who is living his life out of order.  The first thing he remembers is waking up in bed as an old man of 92, and when he falls back asleep almost immediately, he awakens at another age in his life.  Every time he goes to sleep, he wakes up on another, different day of his life.

The mystery of why this is happening, and what he needs to do, is reminiscent of some of my favourite stories.  Shutter is a little bit Slaughterhouse Five, a little bit Memento, and a bit of Quantum Leap.

It stars TJ Thyne from "Bones" as Lovell, and he brings a few of his Bones castmates along with him for small, if important roles.  Although, they do get a bit distracting, having the chunk of a cast from another show.

But even with that distraction, I really loved this movie.  The story is laid out well, the time jumps are clear, and having the component of sleep being the go-between for points in Milo's life, really make it clear when it happens.  There's no surprise shifts in time, outside of what age he'll be.

The story moves along at a brisk pace, the acting is decent enough for a low budget movie, and they are smart enough to not get too bogged down in being clever with their premise.  The time travel never gets in the way of the narrative, which flows strangely naturally.  Having Lovell still be experiencing this in a linear fashion, and having it all building up to a crescendo, and most of it mattering, it really feels like a story, and not just slices of a person's life.

My biggest complaint is the camera work and lighting.  The director likes to make things washed out, and while it gives the world a dreamlike quality to it, it just made the entire movie fuzzy and feeling out of focus.  It's not bad, but it did distract me a few times.

There is one line in the movie, midway through, that completely blows the plot out of the water and gives away the game.  I wish they'd not laid that card on the table so soon, before they actually reveal what's going on, since you kinda are waiting for the characters to catch up with you for the next 10-20 minutes.  But there's fortunately more to the plot beyond that, as Lovell needed these events to occur in his life, and there is at least a reason behind the reason.

Shutter is heartwarming, heartbreaking, gut wrenching, and uplifting all at once.  A truly touching, interesting, almost unique movie.  A very high recommendation from me.

J

What I'm Watching: Expendables 2

Yipee kai yay!

A bit of a break from our usual fare, but this movie has a high enough body count to justify it, as far as I'm concerned.  And sharing my varied tastes is always good.

Anyone who saw my thoughts on the first Expendables saw that I liked it, but had a few problems that only gave it some minor dings.  The sequel answered almost every single one of those problems, and had more fun stuff besides that to make this an even better movie, IMO.

This is still a giant, honking testosterone fest of guns, knives, and shit blowing up.  The plot is admittedly light, and serving to get us from point A to explosion B, but it is a lot tighter than the first movie.  One of the problems I had with the first movie is a lack of character.  Now, I wasn't *expecting* such things in this sort of movie.  That is not what Expendables is about.  But still, it really felt lacking at times.  Mickey Rourke's speech to Stallone at one point was a highlight, and I longed for more of that.  This movie gave us more of those quieter, more philosophical moments, and it does not harm the sequel in the least.  In fact, it gives this movie that much needed heart, and makes it just a little bit more than Shit Blows Up: Now It's Personal.

Another complaint was that Willis and Schwarzenegger had almost nothing to do in the first movie, and that was such a shame with how much they were hyped.  They get much more to do in the sequel, are much more important to the plot, and yes, again, the movie is better for it.  The scene with them in the airport is FUCKING AMAZING.

Heck, that scene is just awesome, period, on all counts.  It's the scene you WANT to see in this sort of movie.  Crazy action, amazing shit going on in every second, and all the references you wish they would make.  That scene alone is worth the price of admission.

My last big problem was that a lot of the action seemed to go by so fast, we didn't really have a chance to savour it.  Again, they fix that.  We really get some GOOD fights, where everyone has their moments, and it is all clear, solid, and packed.  I felt Jet Li was given short shrift in the first movie, not really getting to showcase himself much, and I'm not sure if this is an accurate assessment, because I haven't rewatched the first in awhile, but in his one brieft scene, he does more, and showcases his own style WAY better than he did in the entire first movie, so at least he got sent off appropriately.

The new additions to the cast are also welcome.  Van Damne is *awesome* as the villain.  Named Vilain.  Seriously.  That is so crazy.  And I love it for it's ballsy stupidity.  But he's threatening, he's cunning, and he fits perfectly with these guys.  Of course he does, really.

And holy shit.  CHUCK NORRIS FACT.  That was such an awesome bit to put in the movie.  Norris was a fun addition, although he did become a little bit of a Chuck Ex Machina.  But then, he would, wouldn't he?

Nan Yu as Maggie really fit in well with the crew too.  She didn't get to do quite as much as I would have liked, but she held her own with what she was given.  Hopefully in a third installment, she gets some more moments to shine.  Anyone who bitched about this movie adding a female to the mercenaries needs to shut the hell up.

But then they can go over and bitch about how criminally wasted Charisma Carpenter was in this movie.  Sigh.  Although, leaving out the personal, relationshippy moments that were in the original also likely helped things out.  Still, it would likely have been better to leave her out entirely, even if the henpecking phone calls were amusing, if quickly dropped.  A running gag that didn't make it around the first curve, I guess?

This really was the movie I wished the first one had been, in almost every way.  It took everything that worked from the first movie, made it better, and got rid of the stuff that didn't, or fixed it up.  It doesn't waste time redoing scenes from the first movie that people loved, just to do them again and try and top them, either.  That is the curse of many action sequels, and they thankfully stayed far away from that trap.

If you liked the first one, you should LOVE this one.  If you loved the first one, this one will probably blow your mind.  If you didn't like the first one, well...hard to say.  This one might be worse or just as bad to you.  But it might also fix the problems you had, and maybe this is the movie you wanted to see all along.  I'd say it's at least worth checking out, if you didn't like the first, but liked the idea.

Seriously fun, and not serious at all.  I am finding it difficult to find fault, outside of the usual tropes of the genre they are deliberately playing with anyways, so those are supposed to be there.

J

What I'm Watching: ATM

And we keep rolling along!

ATM caught my eye for having an interesting plot, and one I don't recall hearing before.  At least not specifically.  We've all seen variations on this theme, though.  Anyways, originality and quality catches my eye, so I decided to check it out.

The plot is basically thus: a trio of investors (I think that's what they were.  It's ultimately unimportant...), get trapped inside an ATM kiosk in the middle of a parking lot by a crazed madman.  Oh yeah, and it's Christmas Eve.  And cold.

Many of the obvious concerns are addressed, like why they don't just walk out, when the man brutally savages another guy who stumbles upon the scene.  While a few IQ points get sacrificed for plot convenience and plot contrivance, I think most of the stuff makes sense, and they react within the limits of most people.  Sure, there's three of them and one of him, but he smashed the head of a security guard against the pavement.  This guy means business!  None of them were about to sacrifice their lives on a maybe.

The movie then revolves around the trio trying to escape the kiosk, while the hooded stranger takes his time tormenting them and making things ever more difficult with every passing hour.  Also, the mystery of just why the person is doing this slowly unravels.  Although, that end reveal of just why this happened is a bit of a disappointment.  I *did* like the twist with the male lead at the end though.  It's an easy enough one to get out of, but still a good way to screw with expectations.  And yes, I am being vague for spoilers.

Still, the ending being a bit of a letdown, although I do like it on one level, and the pace of the movie does drag a bit, so ATM isn't great.

It's entertaining, once they reach the kiosk.  It's very entertaining.  It's always fascinating to watch just how fast societal norms can break down, even just amongst three people slowly freezing to death.  The first ten, fifteen minutes though, are an almost typical romantic comedy.  It's like they took scripting notes from Birdemic.  Still, this wasn't as off-balance as that, and at least they got to the plot quickly.

So yes, ATM amounts to yet another entertaining movie I don't say rush out and buy, but it's at least worth catching some late night on tv.  If it sounds interesting or fun to watch a trio try and outsmart a killer lurking out of reach, then hey, give it a shot.

J

What I'm Watching: Butterfly

Boy, that sure doesn't sound like a movie I'd watch from the title, does it?

The plot, however, is about a director of sleazy horror movies being kidnapped by his number one fan, tied down, and shown her own attempt at filmmaking.

And then things take a darker turn.  Sounds a bit "Misery" but it gets different pretty quick.

Laney's film is a collection of short vignettes, of her meeting people, seducing them in various ways, and then killing them.

Except it turns out she's really killing them.  And director Cole knows them all.  The reasons behind all this make for a compelling enough story, and the final twists really bring it all together in a great way.

This movie isn't great.  It's very low budget.  But the story is pretty unique, and told in an interesting way, with decent enough acting from the two people that need to be good actors.

Laney is great, and each vignette allows her to show a different character.  Mandi Kreisher is clearly the breakout talent of this movie.  Each character is distinctive, yet similar, for reasons that become clear, and for someone so small, she really does sell the menace, and vulnerability of the character.

I enjoyed Butterfly, even with it's low-budget flaws.  It was entertaining enough.  I wouldn't say rush out to get it, but it's a fine movie to see if you come across it one night.

And way better than Clown Hunt.

J