What I'm Watching: A Cadaver Christmas

As y'all know, I will occasionally grab or watch something random because it looks fun, and might fit in with my tastes, and what this site is all about.

That's what drew me to Cadaver Christmas.

C'mon, just look at that title.  You know I *had* to watch it, right?

This...

This may be one of my favourite Christmas horror movies.

It's a simple story.  A janitor shows up in a bar on Christmas Eve, covered in blood.  He casually goes to the bathroom to clean up, while the barkeep calls the a cop friend of his.  Once the janitor comes back out, he starts telling his crazy story of walking cadavers in the local college.  The cop doesn't quite buy it, naturally, and they all rush off to verify the guy's tale.

And hilarity ensues.

No really, hilarity.

This is very much a horror movie, with the same tropes, lots of blood, and a few jumps.  But it also comes with many jokes, and a strong sense of humour.  Many movies have tried to be the "American" Shaun of the Dead, and I think this one comes the closest.  It's more humour than "Shaun" by quite a bit, and doesn't quite have us much pathos in the end, but it is still a solid story told with humour and horror.

It is cheesy, yes.  They're going for a bit of the Grindhouse feel, and they come pretty close, without being annoying, or TOO faithful to that genre, or letting it get in the way.  The dialogue is badly recorded, deliberately so I presume, and they graded the film to make it scratchy and off.  The whole feel of this is like something from the 80s, and it works well.

If you like the sound of an 80s style, low budget, hilarious and fun movie that has a zombie massacre take place to Christmas songs, then you have GOT to check out Cadaver Christmas.

There's a character named Officer Sam Sheriff, for Kaufman's sake!  That's a double pun right there!!

J

Silent But Deadly

Yay, we survived December's month long look at five bad movies!  Barely...

That said, I really REALLY enjoyed doing Silent Month! Deadly Month!  It was a blast having a single theme, and the movies were SO bad and SO enjoyable.  If it had been a different batch of five movies, or if the quality had been different, I might not have enjoyed it as much.

THAT said, don't expect the site to go to weekly reviews!  It took a lot out of me in both time and energy, and I bow to the reviewers who DO do them weekly.  And even more so to those who do videos weekly.  That is above and beyond anything I do here.  I would love to do the occasional month here and there where I do something special with more movies, but for the most part, Trisk will be sticking to the reviews on the 13th and the 26th.

Since watching all five, I've thought that I should give a rundown of them as how I'd rank each one.  You get a sense of that with my numerical ratings, although those are hardly the whole story.  So, without further adieu...

It is hard to say that the best is anything other than the original.  For the sheer fact that it is the original.  It sets the standard.  And while there's a healthy dollop of cheese, it has a pretty solid plot, and they actually work out the characterisation and psychology of Billy.  It is the closest to a serious movie, all things considered.  It's not as jawdroppingly WTF as the rest, but is a perfectly solid film.  Something the others have trouble saying.

After that, I'd go all the way to the other end and say #5, The Toy Maker is my #2.  Again, it has a decent enough, although wholly fucked up, story.  The characters were well written, mostly.  They were legitamite characters, well acted, and generally fun.  Adding on top of that the sheer bizareness of those last 20 minutes just...wow.  That was amazing.  So you get a decent story, and you are picking your jaw up off the floor as things go horribly wrong at the end of the movie.  You can't ask for much more of Trisk.

Next in my hall of shame is the infamous #2.  Once they get past the flashbacks, it's a decent enough...something.  This one is mostly so high because it is so damned entertaining in just how messed up it is.  And how much of a mess.  The overuse of old footage, the characters that have zero personality, motivation, or anything to make them actual characters...this is just a movie you sit back and watch the horror of What?! unfold.  And for those reasons, it is a thing of beauty to watch.

The fourth movie in my personal rankings would be #4, Initiation.  It would be higher on this list, because it is genuinely the second best story in this entire series, but it has NOTHING TO DO WITH CHRISTMAS.  Or the series.  Or ANYthing else.  At all.  But it's a good story!  And sadly, because it is played so straight, it also gets beaten out by the previous two rankings.  This SHOULD be the #2 pick, just based on the coherency of the story.  But that takes away from the fun, doesn't it?  I mean, how little do you have to have with Christmas, that in some markets they release you as "Bugs" and no one notices?  This is a well done movie (By Trisk standards) with the slight stink of direct to video, that would be fine as a standalone, that got bizarrely shoe horned into this series for no reason.

Which leaves the absolute rock bottom of the Silent Night Deadly Night series as the dead center of the franchise, #3, Better Watch Out!  The story is okay.  It at least has one, unlike #2.  It at least ties in with the previous movies, even if that connection makes no sense. And involves a see-through skull.  But it is just so bland and lifeless.  The second movie may have been a joke, but you at least sat up and noticed it.  This movie is really just...there.  Which is a criminal offense at Triskaidekafiles.  It is beaten out in every respect by movies with better scripts, better characters, or just sheer memorable insanity.  They reached for the insanity ring with Ricky's brain bowl, but they never quite grasped the ring and ran with it.  It also takes the series out of the realm of reality (Although heightened insane reality from #2), and adds in psychics and silliness with that head.  But without owning it, it just ends up making you scratch your head.

So, that's my thoughts on how the five movies stack up against each other.  I hope everyone enjoyed this month long look at this infamous series.  As much as I enjoyed sharing the craziness with y'all.  Let me know if you enjoyed them, by leaving a comment here, or on any of our social media sites.  Want to see me do more things like this?  Let me know!

Now, I need to fix the front page...

J

It's a Yule Tide!!

It's December!

And this December, Trisk brings y'all something I have wanted to do since the very beginning.

SILENT MONTH!  DEADLY MONTH!!

All December long, we will look at Every Single Movie in the Silent Night, Deadly Night series.  In fact, the killer Santa has even taken over our background image!  It's a long, cold month ahead, with a lot of blood, a lot of bad acting, and a lot of Claus and effect.

Here's the schedule for December:

Silent Night 1 - Later today!

Silent Night 2 - December 7th.

Silent Night 3 - December 13th.

Silent Night 4 - December 19th.

Silent Night 5 - December 25th.

Hope you have a bloody good Christmas!

J