Triskaidekafiles

Triskaidekafiles is a love letter to cheesy cinema from the 80s and 90s, with the occasional dip into other eras.  if you're a fan of MST3K, Elvira, Joe Bob Briggs, or just bad horror movies in general, Trisk is the place for you.

Filtering by Category: Reviews

Robot Jox (1990)

ROBOT JOX

WRITERS: Story by Stuart Gordon
    Screenplay by Joe Haldeman

DIRECTOR: Stuart Gordon

STARRING: Gary Graham as Achilles
    Anne-Marie Johnson as Athena
    Paul Koslo as Alexander
    Robert Sampson as Commissioner Jameson
    Danny Kamekona as Dr. Matsumoto
    Hilary Mason as Professor LaPlace
    Michael Alldredge as Tex

QUICK CUT: In the near future, after the world has beend devastated by nuclear war, conflicts are resolved by one on one gladiatorial combat.  With uh, giant piloted robots.  Because that's a thing.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

WRITER: Joss Whedon

DIRECTOR: Fran Rubel Kuzui

STARRING: Kristy Swanson as Buffy
    Donald Sutherland as Merrick
    Paul Reubens as Amilyn
    Rutger Hauer as Lothos
    Luke Perry as Pike
    David Arquette as Benny

QUICK CUT: Seriously?  I gotta tell you what this is about?  Fine.  A totally typical California girl discovers she is the chosen one, destined to slay the vampires, and look good doing it.

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Deadly Friend (1986)

Deadly Friend

Writer: Screenplay by Bruce Joel Rubin

Director: Wes Craven

Starring: Matthew Laborteaux as Paul
    Kristy Swanson as Samantha
    Michael Sharrett as Tom
    Anne Twomey as Jeannie
    Anne Ramsey as Elvira
    Richard Marcus as Harry

Quick Cut: It's just another quiet day in a quiet town, until an artificially intelligent robot moves in next door, gets blown up, and has his CPU implanted into a girl.

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Arcade (1993)

ARCADE

WRITER: Screenplay by David S. Goyer

DIRECTOR: Albert Pyun

STARRING: Megan Ward as Alex Manning
    Peter Billingsley as Nick
    John DeLancie as Difford
    Sharon Farrell as Alex's mom
    Seth Green as Stilts
    A.J. Langer as Laurie
    Norbert Weisser as Albert

QUICK CUT: When Dante's Inferno gets a preview of the hot new video game Arcade, no one suspects that it is secretly alive and killing people.

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Knight Chills (2001)

KNIGHT CHILLS

WRITER: Jeffrey Kennedy, Juanita Kennedy, and DJ Perry

DIRECTOR: Katherine Hicks

STARRING: Tim Jeffrey as Jack Nixon
    DJ Perry as Zac
    Michael Wayne Walton as John
    Laura Tidwell as Brooke
    Sarah Klein as Nancy
    Nathan L. Thomas as Hanee
    Dave Borowicz as Russell
    Sevy Martin as Sir Kallio

QUICK CUT: After one of their gaming group commits suicide, the other members begin to encounter a mysterious knight with a mysterious agenda of slaying them all.

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Species: The Awakening (2007)

SPECIES: THE AWAKENING

WRITER: Ben Ripley

DIRECTOR: Nick Lyon

STARRING: Ben Cross as Tom
    Helena Mattsson as Miranda
    Dominic Keating as Forbes
    Marlene Favela as Azura

QUICK CUT: The Species series carries on and heads to Mexico when a young woman discovers she's an alien human hybrid and has a higher than usual desire to mate with men.

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Maximum Overdrive (1986)

MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE

WRITER: Stephen King

DIRECTOR: Stephen King

STARRING: Emilio Estevez as Bill Robinson
    Pat Hingle as Hendershot
    Laura Harrington as Brett
    Yeardley Smith as Connie
    John Short as Curt
    Ellen McElduff as Wanda June
    Holter Graham as Deke

QUICK CUT: As the Earth passes through the tail of a comet, all our electronics spring to life, or maybe just our trucks, and attack humanity.  And by humanity, I mean a tiny truck stop in the middle of nowhere.

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Snowbeast (1977)

SNOWBEAST

WRITER: Joseph Stefano

DIRECTOR: Herb Wallerstein

STARRING: Bo Svenson as Gar Seberg
    Yvette Mimieux as Helen Seberg
    Robert Logan as Tony Rill
    Clint Walker as Sheriff Paraday
    Sylvia Sidney as Carrie Rill

QUICK CUT: A washed up Olympic star in need of a job and confidence, rolls into a friend's family's Colorado mountain resort.  Oh, and then they run into bigfoot.  Bet he didn't see that coming.

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Curse of the Puppet Master (1998)

CURSE OF THE PUPPET MASTER

WRITER: Benjamin Carr

DIRECTOR: David Decoteau, by way of Victoria Sloan

STARRING: George Peck as Dr. Magrew
    Emily Harrison as Jane
    Josh Green as Robert

QUICK CUT: Those puppets you just can't keep down are back again, and this time they're hanging out in cages while their new puppet master with no connection to any previous movie tries to get a dimwitted fella with a gift for carving to make a new puppet.

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Frightmare (1974)

FRIGHTMARE

WRITER: Screenplay by David McGillivray
    Original story by Pete Walker

DIRECTOR: Pete Walker

STARRING: Rupert Davies as Edmund Yates
    Sheila Keith as Dorothy Yates
    Deborah Fairfax as Jackie
    Paul Greenwood as Graham
    Kim Butcher as Debbie
    Fiona Curzon as Merle
    Noel Johnson as The Judge
    Jon Yule as Robin
    Michael Sharvell-Martin as The Barman

QUICK CUT: When a couple gets released from a mental institution and are reunited with their children, can the body count be far behind?

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Frightmare (1983)

FRIGHTMARE

WRITER: Norman Thaddeus Vane

DIRECTOR: Norman Thaddeus Vane

STARRING: Ferdinand Mayne as Conrad
    Luca Bercovici as Saint
    Nita Talbot as Mrs. Rohmer
    Leon Askin as Wolfgang
    Jennifer Starrett as Meg
    Barbara Pilavin as Etta
    Carlene Olson as Eve
    Scott Thomson as Bobo
    Donna McDaniel as Donna
    Jeffrey Combs as Stu

QUICK CUT: When horror icon Conrad Radzoff finally dies, he gets corpse-napped by a film society.  Things go from bad to worse when Conrad's angry spirit takes over his body and wreaks havoc upon the hapless film society.

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Disturbing Behavior (1998)

DISTURBING BEHAVIOR

WRITER: Scott Rosenberg

DIRECTOR: David Nutter

STARRING: James Marsden as Steve Clark
    Katie Holmes as Rachel Wagner
    Nick Stahl as Gavin Strick
    Steve Railsback as Officer Cox
    Bruce Greenwood as Dr. Caldicott
    William Sadler as Dorian Newberry

QUICK CUT: New student in town, Steve Clark, tries desperately to fit in amongst his new classmates, but the more he tries to fit in, the more he discoveres that Things Are Not Right in Cradle Bay.

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Things (1989)

THINGS

WRITERS: Andrew Jordan and Barry J. Gillis

DIRECTOR: Andrew Jordan

STARRING: Barry J. Gillis as Don Drake
    Amber Lynn as Herself
    Doug Bunston as Doug Drake
    Bruce Roach as Fred Horton
    Patricia Sadler as Susan Drake
    Jan W. Pachul as Dr. Lucas

QUICK CUT: A trio of Canadians hang out in the kitchen drinking beer and eating sandwiches, while in the next room a bunch of spider creatures that want to eat them in the face part of their faces and devour the rules of cinema are lurking.

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They Live (1988)

THEY LIVE

WRITER: John Carpenter (As Frank Armitage)

DIRECTOR: John Carpenter

STARRING: Roddy Piper as Nada
    Keith David as Frank
    Meg Foster as Holly
    George "Buck" Flower as Drifter
    Peter Jason as Peter Jason
    Raymond St. Jaques as The Street Preacher

QUICK CUT: A drifter wanders into town, and wanders into a conspiracy to keep the populace of Earth complacent in the face of an alien invasion.  His only hope to save us is a pair of magic sunglasses and a bag full of one-liners.

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Someone's Watching Me! (1978)

SOMEONE'S WATCHING ME!

WRITER: John Carpenter

DIRECTOR: John Carpenter

STARRING: Lauren Hutton as Leigh
    David Birney as Paul
    Adrienne Barbeau as Sophie

QUICK CUT: Upon moving into a new apartment after leaving NYC, Leigh becomes the latest subject of a stalker.  As the threat becomes more and more real, time begins to run out for Leigh.  Happy Valentine's Day!

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Bloody Birthday (1980)

BLOODY BIRTHDAY

WRITERS: Screenplay by Ed Hunt and Barry Pearson

DIRECTOR: Ed Hunt

STARRING: Lori Lethin as Joyce Russel
    Julie Brown as Beverly Brody
    Bert Kramer as Sherriff James Brody
    K.C. Martel as Timmy Russel
    Elizabeth Hoy as Debbie Brody
    Billy Jacoby as Curtis Taylor
    Andy Freeman as Steven Seton
    Susan Strasberg as Miss Davis
    Jose Ferrer as The Doctor

QUICK CUT: After a freak eclipse during the birth of several children, they grow up into the creepiest, most sociopathic ten year olds ever, and terrorise anyone who gets in their way.

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The Revenge of Doctor X (1970)

THE REVENGE OF DOCTOR X

WRITER: Edward D. Wood, Jr.

DIRECTOR: Unknown!

STARRING: James Craig as Dr. Bragan
    Atsuko Rome as Noriko Hanamura
    James Yagi as Dr. Paul Nakamura

QUICK CUT: After getting stressed out at his high pressure job at NASA, Dr. Bragan takes a vacation in Japan and spends time making a man monster out of a Venus Flytrap...because that's what one does on vacation.

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Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker (1991)

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 5: THE TOY MAKER

WRITERS: Martin Kitrosser and Brian Yuzna

DIRECTOR: Martin Kitrosser

STARRING: Jane Higginson as Sarah Quinn
    Tracy Fraim as Noah Adams
    Brian Bremer as Pino
    William Thorne as Derek
    Neith Hunter as Kim
    Amy L. Taylor as Merideth
    Eric Welch as Buck
    Van Quattro as Tom Quinn
    Clint Howard as Ricky
    Conan Yuzna as Lonnie
    Mickey Rooney as Joe Petto

QUICK CUT: After her husband is killed by a mysterious Christmas present that no one feels like investigating, Sarah and her son keep getting visited by people fom the last movie, and a strange toy maker and his son.  And then things get really, really weird.

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Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation (1990)

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 4: INITIATION

WRITERS: Story by S.J. Smith, Arthur H. Gorson, and Brian Yuzna
    Screenplay by Woody Keith

DIRECTOR: Brian Yuzna

STARRING: Maud Adams as Fima
    Tommy Hinkley as Hank
    Allyce Beasley as Janice
    Clint Howard as Ricky
    Neith Hunter as Kim
    Marjean Holden as Jane
    Jeanne Bates as Katherine
    Laurel Lockhart as Ann
    Ben Slack as Gus
    Conan Yuzna as Lonnie

QUICK CUT: Forget everything you ever knew about the Silent Night, Deadly Night series, folks!  Because this movies starts fresh!  So fresh it has nothing to do with Christmas!  Or Santas!  But it has plenty of a vindictive coven setting people on fire, and infecting people with worms!  Wait, what?!

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Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out! (1989)

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 3: BETTER WATCH OUT!

WRITERS: Screenplay by Carlos Laszlo
    From a story by C. Laszlo, M. Hellman, and A. H. Gorson

DIRECTOR: Monte Hellman

STARRING: Richard Beymer as Dr. Newbury
    Bill Moseley as Ricky
    Samantha Scully as Laura
    Eric Da Re as Chris
    Laura Herring as Jerri
    Elizabeth Hoffman as Granny
    Robert Culp as Lt. Connelly

QUICK CUT: The guy that just wouldn't die, Ricky Chapman, or Chambers, or Chuffed If I Know Anymore is still alive, somehow, but with serious brain damage from being in the first two films.  He is reached by a psychic though, and wakes up to kill everyone she knows as a way of saying thanks.

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