Triskaidekafiles

Triskaidekafiles is a love letter to cheesy cinema from the 80s and 90s, with the occasional dip into other eras.  if you're a fan of MST3K, Elvira, Joe Bob Briggs, or just bad horror movies in general, Trisk is the place for you.

Filtering by Category: Reviews

Nail Gun Massacre (1985)

NAIL GUN MASSACRE

WRITEN BY: Terry Lofton

DIRECTED BY: Bill Leslie & Terry Lofton

STARRING:
  
Rocky Patterson as Doc
   Ron Queen as the Sheriff
   Michelle Meyer as Linda
   Beau Leland as Bubba

SYNOPSIS: In the middle of nowheresville, Texas, a person dressed in a biker helmet, a camoflaged jumpsuit, and wielding a nail gun goes on a massacre killing off an endless stream of people and stereotypes as the mystery unfolds of who and why this person is commiting these acts.

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Sideshow (2000)

SIDESHOW

WRITER: Benjamin Carr

DIRECTOR: Fred Olen Ray

STARRING:
  
Jamie Martz as Bobby
   Michael Amos as Tommy
   Scott Clark as Grant
   Jessica Keenan as Melanie
   Phil Fondacaro as Abbot Graves
   Jeana Blackman as Jeanie
   G. Gordon Baer as Lester
   Curran Sympson as Aelita
   Fred Pierce as Hans the Bug Boy
   Ross Hagen as the Sheriff
   Shyra Deland as Digestina
   Melvin Rossi as Conjoino
   Brinke Stevens as Madame Voloska

SYNOPSIS: A group of students visit a travelling carnival and run afoul of the people running the sideshow.  Once a few of them start disappearing, haven't I done this movie before?

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Puppet Master 2 (1991)

PUPPET MASTER 2

WRITERS:  Story by Charles Band
   Screenplay by David Pablan

DIRECTOR: David Allen

STARRING:
  
Elizabeth Maclellean as Carolyn Bramwell/Elsa
   Collin Bernsen as Michael Kenney
   Gregory Webb as Patrick Bramwell
   Charlie Spradlin as Wanda
   Steve Welles as Andre Toulon
   Jeff Weston as Lance
   Nita Talbot as Camille Kenney

SYNOPSIS: The puppety ones are back to wreak vengance upon a group of paranormal investigators looking into the death of Alex Whitaker from the original movie.  And this time, they've brought their creator.

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Freaked (1995)

FREAKED

WRITERS: Tim Burns & Tom Stern & Alex Winter

DIRECTORS: Tom Stern & Alex Winter

STARRING:
  
Alex Winter as Ricky Coogan
   Michael Stoyanov as Ernie
   William Sadler as Dick Brian
   Megan Ward as Julie
   Mr. T as the Bearded Lady
   Brooke Shields as Skye Daley
   Alex Zuckerman as Stuey Gluck
   John Hawkes as Cowboy
   Derek McGrath as The Worm
   Keanu Reeves as Ortiz
   Randy Quaid as Elijah C. Skuggs

SYNOPSIS: A dickish Hollywood star signs on to promote a possibly hazardous chemical, and runs afoul of a freakshow in South America.  While there, he discovers the chemical has properties beyond those he could have ever imagined, as his best asset is turned against him.  Along the way, he learns an important lesson about life and friendship.

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Freakmaker (1974)

FREAKMAKER

WRITER: Screenplay by Robert D. Weinbach & Edward Mann

DIRECTOR: Jack Cardiff

STARRING:
  
Donald Pleasence as Dr. Nolter
   Tom Baker as Lynch
   Brad Harris as Brian
   Julie Ege as Hedi
   Michael Dunn as Burns
   Scott Anthony as Tony
   Jill Haworth as Lauren
   Olga Anthony as Bridget

SYNOPSIS: When the doctor from Halloween needs subjects for his experiments in merging human and plants together into a single superior race, he enlists the aid of Dr. Who after a tragic regeneration lands him a job working at a travelling freakshow.  Wackiness ensues.

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Dark Angel: The Ascent (1994)

DARK ANGEL: THE ASCENT

WRITER: Matthew Bright

DIRECTOR: L. Hassani

STARRING:
  
Daniel Markel as Dr. Max Barris
   Michael Genovese as Detective Harper
   Charlotte Stewart as Mother Theresa
   Nicholas Worth as Father Helliken
   Michael C. Mahon as Detective Greenberg
   Milton James as Mayor Wharton
   Angela Featherstone as Veronica

SYNOPSIS: A young girl from another land ventures forth into the real world with her animal companion, where her strange ways clash with ours.  As she seeks to find her purpose, she creates new clothes out of fabrics laying around the house.  If there was more singing and less killing, this would be Enchanted.

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Corpse Grinders 2 (2000)

CORPSE GRINDERS 2

WRITER: Ted V. Mikels

DIRECTOR: Ted V. Mikels

STARRING:
  
Sean Morelli as Landau
   Andy Freeman as Maltby
   Chuck Alford as Caleb
   Liz Renay as Cleo
   Shanti as Felina
   Paul MacDonald as Dr Howard Glass
   Cara Jo Basso as Angie
   Ted V. Mikels as Professor Mikoff
   Gene Paul Jones as Borath

SYNOPSIS: The nephews of Landau and Maltby team up to revive their uncles' legacy, in more ways than just making the best darn cat food out there.  They also encounter a surprising number of people with exactly the same names and jobs as their uncles met.  Oh, and there's cat aliens looking for a little something to eat lurking around.

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CORPSE GRINDERS (1971)

CORPSE GRINDERS

WRITER: Screenplay by Arch Hall & Joseph Cranston
   Uncredited - Ted V. Mikels

DIRECTOR: Ted V. Mikels

STARRING:
  
Sean Kenney as Dr. Howard Glass
   Monika Kelly as Angie Robinson
   Sanford Mitchell as Landau
   J. Byron Foster as Maltby
   Warren Ball as Caleb
   Ann Noble as Cleo
   Ray Dannis as Mr. Babcock

SYNOPSIS: In need of some cheap supplies for their struggling cat food company, the owners come up with the brilliant idea to use real meat in their recipe.  Real meat from dead human bodies harvested from the local graveyard.  Things get complicated when the cats who eat the food gain a taste for human flesh and begin attacking people.

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PUPPET MASTER (1989)

PUPPET MASTER (1989)

WRITER:
   Story by Charles Band and Kenneth J. Hall
   Screenplay by Joseph G. Collodi

DIRECTOR: David Schmoeller

STARRING:
  
Paul Le Mat as Alex Whitaker
   Irene Miracle as Dana Hadley
   Matt Roe as Frank Forrester
   Kathryn O'Reilly as Carissa Stamford
   Jimmie F. Skaggs as Neil Gallagher
   Introducing Robin Frates as Megan Gallagher
   William Hickey as Andre Toulon

SYNOPSIS: A group of psychic researchers are drawn to a hotel in California where you can check out any time you like, but the killer puppets on the loose may have something different to say about that.

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WAXWORK 2 (1991)

WAXWORK 2 (1991)

WRITER: Anthony Hickox

DIRECTOR: Anthony Hickox

STARRING:
  
Zach Galligan as Mark Loftmore
   Monika Schnarre as Sarah Brightman
   Martin Kemp as Baron Frankenstein
   Bruce Campbell as John Loftmore
   Michael Des Barres as George
   Marina Sirtis as Gloria
   John Ireland as King Arthur
   Patrick MacNee as Sir Wilfred
   David Carradine as the Beggar
   Alexander Godunov as Scarabus

SYNOPSIS: The adventures of Zach continue with an all-new, all-different yet still easily confused Sarah, as they jump around time and space to try and save Sarah from a horrible fate in the electric chair.  Chaos ensues.

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WAXWORK (1988)

WAXWORK (1988)

WRITER: Anthony Hickox

DIRECTOR: Anthony Hickox

STARRING:
  
Zach Galligan as Mark Loftmore
   Deborah Foreman as Sarah
   Michelle Johnson as China
   Dana Ashbrook as Tony
   Miles O'Keefe as Count Dracula
   Charles McCaughan as Inspector Roberts
   J. Kenneth Campbell as Marquis De Sade
   John Rhys Davies as Werewolf
   Patrick Macnee as Sir Wilfred
   David Warner as Lincoln

SYNOPSIS: A bunch of college kids have nothing better to do, so head off to the new waxwork in town, which speaks levels of their boredom.  While at the waxwork, one by one they get sucked into the other worlds represented by the displays, as part of an evil plot to ressurect the worst men of history.  And an alien.

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JACK FROST (1996)

JACK FROST (1996)

STORY: Jeremy Paige & Michael Cooney

WRITER: Michael Cooney

DIRECTOR: Michael Cooney

STARRING:
  
Chris Allport as Sam
   Stephen Mendell as Agent Manners
   Rob La Belle as Stone
   Eileen Seeley as Anne
   Shannon Elizabeth as Jill Metzner
   Scott MacDonald as Jack Frost

SYNOPSIS: A brutal serial killer escapes capture and becomes bonded with a pile of snow, continuing his rampage as a psychotically evil snowman.

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976-EVIL (1988)

976-EVIL (1988)

Writers: Brian Helgeland & Rhet Topham

Director: Robert Englund

Starring:
   Stephen Geoffreys as Hoax
   Jim Metzler as Marty
   Maria Rubell as Angela
   Lezlie Deane as Suzie
   J.J. Cohen as Marcus
   Pat O'Bryan as Spike
   Sandy Dennis as Aunt Lucy

Synopsis: A young nerd living with his psychotically religious mother, and rebellious cousin, gets sucked into the evil world of 976 numbers.  And when I say evil, I mean real evil.  Chaos and death ensue.

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BLOOD FREAK (1972)

BLOOD FREAK (1972)

Writer: Steve Hawks & Brad Grinter

Director: Steve Hawks & Brad Grinter

Starring:
   Steve Hawks as Herschel
   And a bunch of other people

Synopsis: An upright young man named Herschel falls into the wild world of drugs and turkey testing.  After a bad reaction to a combination of illicit substances and bioengineered turkey, Herschel transforms into a strange half man, half turkey abomination with a taste that can only be slaked by draining the blood from addicts.

I couldn't make this up if I tried.

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SHOCKER (1989)

SHOCKER (1989)

Writer: Wes Craven

Director: Wes Craven

Starring:
   
Lt. Don Parker - Michael Murphy
    Jonathan Parker - Peter Berg
    Alison - Cami Cooper
    Horace Pinker - Mitch Pileggi

Synopsis: When a college student stumbles upon a crime scene in a dream, he helps stop a serial killer in a Midwestern US town.  But when the killings continue after his execution, only Jonathan can stop Horace Pinker's killing spree before it starts again.

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Popcorn (1991)

POPCORN (1991)

Writer: Tod Hackett
    From a story by Mitchell Smith

Director: Mark Herrier

Starring:
   
Maggie: Jill Shcoelen
    Toby: Tom Villard
    Suzanne: Dee Wallace Stone
    Mr. Davis: Tony Roberts
    Malcom Mnesyne: Ray Walston
    Assorted others not worth mentioning

Synopsis: A struggling film class decides to throw a horror movie marathon at a local rundown theatre in order to make up for recent budget cuts at their college.  When they find an obscure avant garde film known as "Possessor" that contains imagery eerily reminscient of one of the student's recurring nightmares.  When bodies start piling up during the marathon, it's only a matter of time before the past catches up with all of them.

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