What I'm Watching: Sleepy Hollow

Fall is here!  In all ways except it, y'know, actually technically *being* Autumn.  But that means the new season of fall shows begins, and oh, what a way to kick it off!

I literally just got done watching the series premiere of Sleepy Hollow, arguably the show I have been anticipating most since I first heard about it.

And to be blunt, it did NOT disappoint.

The general plot revolves around the familiar elements, with Ichabod Crane encountering the Headless Horseman (Before he lost his head, in this version), and making the first half of that name a most accurate description.

We immediately cut from the Horseman's beheading to modern times, where Crane awakens in a crypt in a cave, and stumbles around until he finds the plot.

Meanwhile, the Headless Horseman himself has too arisen, seeking his missing head, as he is wont to do in most versions of the story.

This gives us a pretty solid setup of a mystery of who this creature is, why Ichabod and he are in the present day, and VERY easy humour with Crane's culture shock, as well as the 'Odd Couple' style humour of his style with the leiutenant he runs into immediately upon arriving in our time.  Not to mention that since this ties back to the Revolutionary War, and there's a secret history to explore, there's even MORE of a tapestry to peel back and explore.

The mythology expands with one of those twists that is SO bloody obvious, I can't believe it hasn't been done before now; making the Headless Horsemen one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.  This expands things hugely, and hving his arrival being a harbinger of his brethren, but first their return must be prepare by more demonic forces make the show able to not make it JUST about the Horseman, but about the town and the weird shit about to descend on it.

All of this pretty much can be summed up by saying they came up with great ideas to give the series legs.  The mystery, the monsters, already lots of potential with that, the character interactions...all the elements are here.

My biggest disappointment at using such great actors as John Cho and Clancy Brown, and wasting them before the pilot is done.  I would have lvoed to have their presences around for a longer term, especially Brown whom I have loved since his role as the Kurgan in the original Highlander movie.

The pilot did everything it needed to do, set up a long term plot (And teased a seven year plot at that), with lots of avenues they can go down so clearly shown.  I have rarely seen a show jump out of the gate with so many ideas they can work with so soon.  The vision here is clear, and that is a plus.  I don't know how much they know about where the show is going, but it sure seems like they have some solid ideas.

A few things happened seemingly for plot convenience sake, and that bugs me just a little.  The pilot probably could have used some extra time to flesh things out just a little more.  Hopefully there's an extended version or deleted scenes that will do the trick somewhere down the line.  But a few storytelling shortcuts can almost be forgiven in a pilot, so I don't hold that against it too much.

I was looking forward to this all summer long, and I am definitely on board. I can't wait to see how this new show's mythology expands from here, and look forward to the adventures of Ichabod Crane and Abbie Mills.

What I'm Watching: Among Friends

Happy Labor Day, horrorheads!  What better way to spend it than...AMONG FRIENDS??

Okay, seriously.  Among Friends is a movie I watched this past week, directed by horror icon Danielle Harris.  It's about a group of friends getting together to throw an 80s themed murder mystery party as one last big bash before one of them moves away.

During the course of the night the murder mystery becomes all too real, things go horribly wrong, and secrets are revealed, secrets that they've kept even from themselves.  Their friendships are tested in ways they never expected, and nothing will ever be the same amongst the group.

But hey, that's what happens when you allow someone to cut off your friend's fingers for shits and giggles...

The movie ends up being what is termed in the tv biz as a 'bottle episode', where most of the action happens in one room.  You really could do this as a play, almost.  Because of that, and because most of the cast is tied down for 2/3rds of the plot, not a lot actually HAPPENS.

A lot of that gets broken up with flashbacks via video recordings taken by the evil mastermind, everyone's supposed friend Bernadette.  Because of her cameras and (I think?) her trade as a psychologist, she knows everyone's secrets, and sets about revealing them.  Fortunately Bernadette also remains free and pretty violent, so while there's a lot of sitting tied up around a table, her actions keep things lively.

Overall, I enjoyed this movie.  It harkens back nicely to those cheap slashers of the 80s, and if you're a fan of this site, you know what that means.  The story is also pretty solid, and things unfold at a good pace and how everything ties together is well done.  The hints dropped early in the story all come back and most of the questions are answered in a satisfactory way.

The only scene that did NOT work for me at all, was when one of the character, who took mushrooms unexpectedly, has her bad trip kick in, and the movie diverts into tha for longer than was necessary.  It's a fun scene where she trips out and sees the entire cast as part of a movie, with the roles being recast by well known actors, like Michael Biehn.  It's cute, and silly, but really adds nothing much to the overall plot than wackiness and a bit of humour.  Laughs like that CAN be a welcome release, and that is the point where they should have come, but the way they were brought in just ended up feeling more forced than anything.

I really liked what the movie had to say about friendship, how in some cases we may not really know our friends very well, if at all, and in other cases, those friendships may well mean nothing when they need to mean the most.  It's a great commentary on the nature of friendships and shallowness, and whenever a horror movie can slip in some metaphor, it is always good!

Harris's directing is very good, especially for a first time director.  I've always enjoyed her acting, and seeing her take things to the next level was a treat, and I will continue to follow her to directing, if this keeps up.

So, a maybe sometimes cheesy movie that gives lots of nods to 80s style and movies, with some nice metaphor and a decent enough story?  Even with that one scene that I could do with out, I would say anyone who enjoys the movies I already talk about should at least give this one a chance.

What I'm Watching: Rapture-Palooza

On the 'not my usual fare' for Trisk pile, which let's be honest.  That's what the What I'm Watching posts are all about.  Either new horror, or stuff I just wanna talk about, highlight, or warn you the hell away from.

It's good to make that reminder just what these posts are.

...Where was I?

Right, Rapture-Palooza.  It's a horror comedy, with the emphasis clearly on the comedy side of things.  The horror is so very minor.  We have some talking locusts, rains of blood, some undead wraiths, the apocalypse, and Satan.

But really, that's all in service of the jokes.

What we've got is a story that takes place after the Rapture, the (According to some faiths) religious event that calls the faithful up to heaven, leaving behind everyone else to suffer through plagues and the coming of the Beast.

Sadly, they don't mean Hank McCoy, but the earthly avatar of Satan.  Things do not go well.  But, people persevere.

And honestly, that display of the human spirit is one of the best things about this movie.  I honestly think a lot of the attitudes shown by characters is how people would really react if they were left behind in the Rapture and had to deal with meteors shooting down regularly, blood pouring from the sky, and crows telling you to fuck off before they shit on your car.

That very worn down, "Sigh, just another day after the Rapture".  Hell, I know I would get that way.  I'd be one of the people going, "River of blood?  SURE let's go kayak down it!!"  We get used to shit, it becomes everyday, and we persevere.

The Beast, a politician named Earl Gundy, wants a nice girl next door type, since most girls left behind are less honourable and not his type.  So when he runs into Lindsey, he uses his Beastly ways, and outright threats of killing everyone she knows and loves, starting with her boyfriend, to get her to agree to being his queen.  But they formulate a plan to entrap the Beast, since killing him would just release Satan incarnate upon the Earth, and hopefully save everyone.

And yes, this is a comedy.

That resigned attitude, the blase whatever to it all is where a lot of the humour comes from.  Anna Kendrick as Lindsey brings another side of it, as she wears a face of "I am taking no more of your shit than I have to, in order to shoot you dead" in all her interactions with the Beast.  The jokes are...okay.  The humour is nothing that creative, and it's more putting them against such a dark subject matter that makes it creative.  But when you have such a top notch comedic cast of Kendrick, John Francis Daley, Craig Robinson as the Beast/Earl/Satan, Rob Corddry, and so many others, they at least make an enjoyable ride.

There are a few laugh out loud moments, a few more that are just painfully long, but overall it's a decent enough movie to kill 90 minutes with.  The jokes never get in the way of the actual plot, and the plot is never there JUST to make a joke, two things that happens too often in comedies.

If you want a few good laughs, and don't mind a little bit of sacrilege (Seriously, Jesus gets lasered, God has a fouler mouth than most sailors, and Lindsey tells God off in no uncertain terms for what he did to the planet) then hey, check this out.

What I'm Watching: Antiviral

Oh, hello there.

Yeah, I got a few quickie reviews to do.  So let's get to it!

I came across Antiviral by Brandon Cronenberg in my monthly quest to see what-all is coming out each month.  It's how I find a LOT of these weird little gems, and amazing little pieces of coal.

Antiviral caught my eye on a number of levels.  The idea was intriguing, although dangerously close to being off-putting.  But more importantly, first-time director, Brandon Cronenberg.  He may be a first timer, but that last name should be familiar to any fan of the genre, and yes, they're related.

The movie gives us a view of a future world where the culture of celebrity obsession has escalated to insane degrees.  Now, I have trouble wrapping my head around the levels that the movie takes things to.  I find it SO hard to believe that it would be widely acceptable, and normal, to head down to your local clinic to be infected with a disease that your favourite star has.

But hey!  I'm the guy who tries to win the occasional costume auction from movies and tv shows.  And there are *definitely* fetishes out there for things like sneezing and coughing, so I guess maybe it's possible.

In fact, I *can* see it happening, but in a more backdoor, sideways glanced, dark, seemy side of things.  Not as open and clean and accepted as its presented here.

That's a bit of a hurdle for me to jump over, but I can see that side of humanity, so it's not a giant leap for me, just one I really had to work towards to get to accept it and suspend my disbelief that much.  On a scale of things, I found it less believable than In Time, but WAAAY more believable than TiMER.  Do not get me started on THAT movie's ideas.

I think what helped me get into the ideas behind this movie were that it at least did most of the storytelling on that seemier side, that darker side.  Sure, there's the clinics that are big, white, and antiseptic, but most of the plot deals with the back alley deals, and corproate espionage, and thievery that happens in this sort of culture.

We follow Syd March, a top employee at one of the largest clinics, but he makes a little money on the side by smuggling out viruses and using his own body to incubate them before selling them to the nearest street dealer.

Things take a nasty turn when he does his usual thievery on a big client, and she dies.  The story slowly unfolds on the nature of the disease, and who targeted her for death.  Syd races against time before the same virus he put in his own body kills him as well.

So, once you get past the "...ooookay" of the world they set up, you roll with a murder mystery of a man who is racing against the clock before he too dies.  That's a good plot, and it's done well, it's just that setup, man!  If YOU can get by it, then this should be a fun ride.

I still greatly enjoyed myself, but always had that nagging feeling of, "...really??" with this world.  It was just a minor thing, but I can't deny it was always there, and colouring my thoughts.

The strength of this movie is undeniably in its star; Caleb Landry Jones does an amazing job as Syd.  He plays it mostly deadpan, but that's because he's trying to play the cool salesman that can make any pitch, and get any sale.  Once the wheels start coming off his life, or he's out of the office, he's much more open, and the shift between the two modes of Syd are where Caleb shines.  He really sells Syd's cool obsession with this world's biggest star, and the murder victim that sets things rolling.

The other strength is, obviously, Brandon Cronenberg.  He's got a lot to live up to, and he doesn't quite get there, but he clearly has an idea of what he's doing.  This movie is well put together, and it's biggest fault is not quite selling me on its reality, and that's as much my issue as the movie's.  Still, he's a more than capable storyteller, and while the writing and direction are not perfect, you can tell he knows his shit, and he's going places.  And yes, there is some imagery in this movie, especially towards the end that will make you go, "Ah yes, he IS a Cronenberg, isn't he?"  Nice, icky, fleshy stuff.

And lots of needles.  LOOOTS of needles.  They even admit to using needles as sexual metaphors, which actually works really well for the unrequited obsession tale being told.  But that's going to be another problem for people.  I have a fear of needles that I've mostly had under control since Pulp Fiction, but this one was on the verge of making me a quivering mass.  They are NOT shy about showing penetrations, and they get up close and personal, and go into some very uncomfortable places.  Again, this is a personal issue, and if it's one you don't have, rock on.

It's a problematic movie, but a fun mystery, and an interesting look at our own culture through a VERY cracked mirror.  If you can get into the setup, and aren't disturbed by a HOLYCRAPTON of close up needle shots that are very much sexual metaphors, then you may just enjoy this movie.  I definitely recommend it as being worth a look, even more so if you can get past the initial flaws or cringeworthy things.  It's a solid opening movie for Brandon, but not for everyone's tastes.

What I'm Watching: Jack the Reaper

Yes, Jack the REAPER.  You read that correctly.

No, this has nothing to do with what you THOUGHT that said.

Instead, we have a bunch of kids who get rounded up to do some time at a railroad to make up credit for missing an important paper in class, or something.  Whatever, it's our thin excuse to get the plot moving.

On the way home, their bus is in an accident, the kids wake up to find the teacher/chaperone, and the bus driver are missing, and a vacant but lit-up carnival off in the distance.

Most of the kids head to the carnival to try and find some help, and being teenagers decide to play on the abandoned rides, thinking they are completely alone.

Unsurprisingly, since the plot needs it, they are not, and bodies start to drop.

Now, while reading that, you may be able to key in to the big twist of the movie pretty quickly, and I too saw it coming a mile away.  Which is a shame.  If the plot wasn't so overdone, it might have actually been an okay movie.  But with SO many more, better versions of this sort of story, it makes it hard to recommend this one.

The characters are pretty much your stock characters from horror movie casting, and the only thing the movie then has going for it, is the killer/monster.  And he's almost intriguing.  Railroad Jack is a myth in these parts, and they say if he sees you, you're already doomed.  He carries around a pickaxe, which I will say this, that is a GREAT visual nod and twist to the typical grim reaper's scythe.  I like that.

Jack also has a number of fun kills, but they do all kinda devolve into "sticking people with my big pointy weapon.  Which is another shame, but done well.

The only other unquestionably great thing about this movie is Tony Todd.  The Candyman himself is always, ALWAYS worth watching.  Sadly, this movie doesn't use him much, or that well.  He does what he does in the movie, and does a good job, since he's Tony freakin' Todd, but once he's done with his scenes at the start of the movie, he's never really seen again.  Sigh.

I really don't get how you go from having this railroad centric character going around killling people, and then randomly have his killing ground be an abandoned carnival?  How does that work?  The movie's lack of focus on this point is another stumbling point.  It's like they had on the one hand this pretty cool villain, with the psuedo-scythe and the mythology behind it, and on the other hand they had this cool setting they wanted to use, because carnivals can and are creepy places.  Not to mention the dichotomy of them being fun places, but also places with scares, and then have people die in these vacationy fun spots.

But when they smashed the two together, little to no regard was paid to realise, wait, these are two separate ideas that don't quite go together!

The cinematography also left a LOT to be desired.  Much, if not all, of the movie is shot handheld, and it's not shot very well.  I was getting flashbacks to Blair Witch at times, which should not be happening in a movie that is not found footage!  They also had WAY too much love for the DRAMATIC ZOOM whenever someone said an important or poignant line.  Fortunately, once the characters start dying, THAT stops happening, so the overly silly self-importance goes away.

On the plus side, the characters may be your usual tropes, but they do spend QUITE a bit of time developing them, even if they're stuff we've seen before.  You actually manage to care about the ones that aren't total assholes.  And there's a few surprises in store with who survives the plot.

Still, the movie has its problems.  But if you don't mind the usual tropes, and a rehashed plot, and want to see something with an arguably creative antagonist, and at least some good deaths in a creative setting, well...it's not a TOTAL waste, if you can see it.

But with the subpar acting (But on par for this site), and a story you've seen everywhere, and done so much better in those places, this movie is REALLY hard to recommend.  It isn't terrible, but there are other options for you to enjoy.  You just kinda walk out of this with a sigh.

But hey.  Tony Todd, right?

What I'm Watching: Hansel & Gretel Get Baked

Well, it seems like Hansel and Gretel are big these days.

I was torn when I heard about this movie.  The cast sounded fun, the story sounded like an interesting modern take on the classic story, while at the same time making me roll my eyes a little at trying to make this a stoner comedy.

And yeah, that last part there did end up bugging me quite a bit.  I am soooo clearly not the target audience for this sort of thing.  I am not a fan of the stoner movie.  I've never seen a Harold and Kumar movie, and don't have much interest in doing so without some more convincing.

The good news is, the "Heehee, we are sooo high!!" jokes are gotten out of the way quickly in the first ten minutes or so of the movie, and rarely return after that.

Trying to acquire a fresh supply of pot from the person who turns out to be the witch, but its more of a MacGuffin for the plot, than anything else.  I do appreciate calling her blend of pot "Black Forest" and the movie is sprinkled with other great, humourous references to the original Grimm Brothers storyline.

The story follows Gretel for the most part, as she tries to find her missing boyfriend after he tries to get that Black Forest weed to bake into gingerbread cookies.  He gets captured by the witch, Gretel falls prey to her next, and then it falls to Hansel to try and do the rescuing.

Note, the title of the movie is false.  Gretel is the only one in the movie to 'get baked'.  Hansel stays refreshingly not high, nor does he get shoved into an oven.  The latter is a close call, though.  Gretel is played as actually pretty smart, when she's not stoned, and her detective work is protrayed fairly well on the screen by Castle star Molly Quinn.  I'm actually impressed with the level of storytelling the movie went to with that side of things.

The movie ends up telling a pretty solid story within the confines of the fairy tale, with Gretel getting lost in the witch's forest of pot plants in the basement, and trying to leave a trail of breadcrumbs to find her way back out.  And by breadcrumbs, I mean Skittles.  Which leads to one of the single most hilarious moments in the movie.

Oh, and the movie likes to push the fact that Cary Elwes is in it, they even give him pretty high billing in the promotional material.  If you're coming here for Cary Elwes, let this be your warning;  He is in the first few minutes of the movie, and then GONE.  Eaten.  Disappeared.  Never seen again.  And he's in makeup and such, so he's not the most recognisable Cary out there.  This isn't quite false advertising, but it feels SO disingenuous to me, I feel it's necessary to point it out.

But anyways, the movie.  I ended up liking it way more than I first thought.  The cast is solid enough, and play off each other.  It doesn't feel like trying to cash in, and the H&G elements to the story are actually pretty integral to their particular story.  This really would NOT be the same movie if those parts were taken out.  It's actually quite a clever update to the story, in an entirely different way from the original story, and the recent Witch Hunters take on the property.  All three are perfectly valid interpretations.

Sure, this is more of a comedy with a body count, but that's okay, and I like branching out to the fringes of Trisk's remit, which is vague to begin with.  If you can stand a few heavy handed pot jokes to start your movie, and are in the mood for something silly but fun, this is not a bad movie to kill some time with.  It's entertaining, and does what it wants to do, and does it well enough.

What I'm Watching: Pacific Rim

Caught an afternoon showing of what may be my most anticipated movie of the summer, Pacific Rim!

Why was THIS, of all things, highly anticipated?  Well, it's from Del Toro, a favourite of mine, as anyone who frequents Trisk knows, that's right off the bat.  I also have a big amount of respect for Godzilla and friends, even if I'm not super well versed in the lore.  I know the general specifics like everyone, but never got THAT into the kaiju fandom, mostly just on the periphary.  Plus, giant robots.  And a great, headlined by the often-amazing Idris Elba.

But, probably most importantly, the movie is not a remake, it's not a sequel, it's not an adaptation.  It has its roots in the kaiju genre, and the mech genre, and you can see that DNA, so it's hard to call this an ORIGINAL idea, or unique, but it is its own thing, even if it owes a lot to the past.

All that being said, I guess that brings us around to the big question; so how WAS the movie??

The movie was REALLY good.

It's not mind blowing, it's not twisty and turny, and it does owe a lot to the past, but it takes those past bits, and while it's straightforward, it tells its story well, and sets up the characters well.

The story is set in the near future, after a rift to another plane of existence opens up at the bottom of the Pacific Oean, through which giant monsters come through to rampage our coastal cities all along the Pacific Rim.  After a few cities become rubble, the governments band together and create the Jaegers, gigantic robots piloted by humans to deal with the problem.

Admittedly, that's a big leap, but hey, you knew that going in, so you either accept it or went to the wrong movie.  If you can accept that, you are in for quite a ride.  The opening scene setting up the universe and giving you the backstory really does the job of explaining things to the audience, and really draws you in nicely.

I really liked their take on the mechs, needing two pilots to manage everything, the tech required, and even how it ties into the Kaiju themselves and even how its used with the enemy.

The movie has a lot of plot threads, and all of them are given equal time, giving most of the major players a moment.  I really like a movie that has a lot of things going on, and tying them all together to the central plot in the end.  You kinda see where everything is going, but the journey is most enjoyable.

My biggest complaint is their one attempt at a twist, when they reveal that the plan to destroy the breach won't work.  Normally a twist like that goes along the lines of, the bad guys see it coming and will have it work to their benefit or to our detrement, but it's just, "We have intel that it won't work, just like all our other attempts!"

But it DOES give our side intel on HOW to make it work, so it works on that level, at least.

The movie does suffer a bit from the same problem that plagues the Transformers movies that you get a little too close to the action and it becomes hard to follow, but nowhere near as bad as that, since you at least have giant robots that aren't a mass of sharp pointy tiny metal shards, and mixed in with fighting solid, fleshy monsters that glow.  Both of these help manage that issue tremendously.  But a little less downpour would have helped even more.

It's nice that a movie that's all about cities getting holy hell stomped out of them, that this movie still manages to be bright, and not too dour.  A very stark contrast to Man of Steel, which gets to be a bit grey in the cinemtography, and didn't have much humour.  Pacific Rim used a lot of bright (But not Batman and Robin bright) colours to punch things up, both in the robots, the monsters, and the landscapes.  You can't have Hong Kong without neon lights, right?  Also, there's a good sense of humour amongst all the heroes, but not a black comedy sort of thing, as one might expect from anyone REALLY going through a decade or two of these attacks.

Things look bleak for humanity in the story, but the visuals and characters keep it refreshingly and enjoyably light.

The movie has a lot of heart, and the characters play well off one another, letting you get to know most everyone you need to know, and their personalities, before the big robot fighting kicks in.  This was a good balance of action and character, and I never felt like things got too draggy with pacing, since I enjoyed watching the humans as much as the robots.

If you are a fan of Godzilla or giant mechs, you pretty much HAVE to see this movie.  It's not an amazing, life altering movie, but it is good, well writen, and perfectly solid action adventure.  And it's something new and different.  Go see it!

What I'm Watching: American Mary

American Mary is the story of a medical student, played by one of my all-time favourite underrated Canadian actresses, Katharine Isabelle.  Last seen gracing these reviews via 13 Eerie.  I won't ramble on about her any more than I have to for the sake of this review.

Mary's a typical student in debt, trying to stay above water while also trying to keep her grades up, and not doing a great job of it.  At the end of her rope, she goes to try and get a job as a dancer at a club, and while there, a friend of the club owner comes in with some major injuries and an unwillingness to go to the hospital.  So, Mary's medical prowess is called upon, and she does her best to save the guy.

Word spreads of her skills to the most unlikely of places, people in the body modification community.  She does a few surgeries for a woman, which only solidifies her reputation.  After a most horrific event with her teachers and colleagues, Mary drops out of school and devotes her life full time to the body mod circuit.

Things go from bad to worse as she gets revenge on her attackers, all on the backdrop of fulfilling every clients whim to make them look the exact way they want.

Boy, I watch some weird movies with some weird kinks in them, huh?

This movie never quite goes the full-on Human Centipede route, and it treats the body modders with, I think, a fair amount of respect, treating them as people just trying to find themselves, and not as freaks.

The story is pretty damned unique, does not go where you might think it goes sometimes, and is not afraid to get VERY dark at times, with a little bit of black comedy to make you feel all the more uncomfortable.

Mary is played superbly by Isabelle, which is no surprise to me.  She nails the life of this student who has everything taken from her, and yet still finds a way to survive.  Survival really is the word for her character, as most of the darkness surrounds her, and when she is attacked midway through the movie, Katharine does a great job of switching gears from the almost submissive, meek Mary to a more serious, colder, distant person.  I've seen some reviews comment on how they didn't understand the switch in personality, and feel it was too sudden, but uh...after what she went through, it's not surprising she would become withdrawn and go to some pretty dark places.

This movie is NOT for everyone, especially if you're a little squeamish.  Like I said though, it doesn't go all the way like Centipede, but there is still some scenes of intense surgery.  But that's not what the movie is about, and more a backdrop to Mary's life, and to inject some thrills and chills into the movie.

I really enjoyed it though, so if you're in the mood for a dark, sexy, revenge thriller that looks into a lesser-seen corner of society, this movie should hit the spot.

What I'm Watching: Axe Giant

Rewriting myths and folklore for the modern age seems to be all the rage these days, with stuff like the brilliantly awesome and fun Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, to Jack the Giant Killer.  Heck, that's what folklore is, stories being passed down, and retold, and changing with the tellings.

But what happens when you take the well known bit of Americana, like Paul Bunyan, and turn that into a horror movie??

Well.

It is an interesting choice, that's for sure.

First up, let's cut to the chase.  This movie is cheesy.  I mean, how can it NOT be?  But even beyond the expectations of Paul Bunyan as a long-lived axe slaying maniac, we have some seriously low budget effects, and some painful acting.

Which pretty much explains why I'm reviewing it, eh?

You know what you're getting into here, with a title like Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan, and with wha I've already told you, so the best I can say is, this was really quite fun.

I enjoyed it.

The plot revolves around a bunch of first time offenders being dragged off into the woods for their punishment, to let them spend time to vent, center themselves, and basically give them a slap on the wrist while trying to steer them off the path they might end up on if they keep going.  They're accompanied by their therapist, and an utterly crazy correctional officer.  Sgt. Hoke is so gloriously over the top.  He is the crazy drill sergeant who is in charge, and isn't about to take any crap from his charges, or even treat them as much more than his typical cons.  Every line out of his mouth is a hilarious bit of scenery chewing, so you can't wait for his imminent demise, but you miss his quips when he is gone.

Once in the woods, the kids discover the skeletal remains of Babe, the blue ox, and take one of her horns.  The disruption of her remains awakens the rage of Paul, who seeks bloody vengance.  Now, while the effects are cheesy, the effects on the deaths are fucking spectacular.  When someone gets cut in half, it is one of the best looking effects of that sort I've seen, for this level of budget.  I can forgive their giant blue ox looking almost like a rabid cartoon animal, for that level of amazing crazy.

Trisk favourite Joe Estevez puts in an appearance as the old coot in the woods who knows the true story behind Paul, and how the truth became twisted into the fuzzy, family friendly version we all know and love.  His shining moment in this movie is giving that backstory, frankly.  He does it in such a non-linear fashion, and tells it in such...well, such a way an old crazy hermit would, that it feels real, and is brilliant to watch.

The ending manages to be satisfying enough, while still leaving that door open, and they even manage to make you feel sorry for the monster, all good things that are welcome additions to a fun movie.

Seriously, if you like the sort of movies this site specialises in, Axe Giant is a REAL treat.  Cheesy in ALL the right ways, and they know it.  It's just the right kind of thing I love to see.

What I'm Watching: Last Exorcism Part 2

One of my favourite movies from a few years back was the found footage gem, Last Exorcism.  It was a great, twisty tale that really used the found footage format effectively, and literally kept you guessing until the last few minutes, and then made you rethink EVERYTHING you just watched.  That rare movie that truly rewards multiple viewings.

So of course, they had to make a sequel.  How did that go?

Uh...

Not well, sadly.  Everything the first movie was, the sequel isn't.  I mean that QUITE literally.  The movie is not very thrilling, it's actually kinda boring for the first half of the movie, and they ditch the found footage style to do a traditional movie.

I know I complain about found footage overdose, but ditching that for the sequel just seems wrong.  I don't think they could have told THIS specific story in that style, but they still could have done some other story that would fit.  It just does not feel like a movie in the same universe.

The first half of the movie covers Nell's resurfacing and recovering after the events of the first movie.  They do some decent character work, but you always sit there waiting for that moment when things go horribly wrong, and those moments were long in coming, and very small, very mundane even, and very typical of the genre.  Nothing at all noteworthy.

Once the demonic goodness kicks in, we pick up a little bit, but again, it's just very standard fare.  Nell seeks the helpful local mystic juju voodoo woman, who calls in an exorcist, and she gets strappedown once again.

The actual exorcism is such a minor part of the movie, and oh look, they bring up the almost overused namedrop of Croatoa/Croatoan.  There is just so little style to this movie to call its own, so little innovation, and barely a story there in the first place.

Once again, the highlight is Ashley Bell as Nell.  She still does a great job, even though it is lessened this time, as with everything else.  And she still does some creepy movements, which she excelled at in the first movie.  It's hard to buy the innocence routine after the first movie, and I think not being found footage harms that even more.  The verite style brings you right into the movie, into their lives, and you feel closer to them psychologically, and a more standard movie puts up that wall of the theatre screen.

Most frustrating is how often the movie likes to do non scare scares.  Typified by a moment when Abalam returns and possesses someone close to Nell, grabbing someone, and closing themselves up in a room.  You hear a ruckus, someone comes along and opens the door to reveal...NOTHING!

In the words of Bart Simpson, you know what would've been better than nothing?  ANYTHING!!

It's a shame, really, because the basic idea of Nell recovering and finding she has not escaped the clutches of Abalam has some legs for a story.  But it never really clicks, since it's almost the background, and not the story.  Also, they don't really deal at all with the actual birth of the demon at the end of the first movie, or anything in that movie at all.  Did they even watch it?

The best part of the movie is the final few moments, with what barely qualifies as their twist.  It doesn't cause a major paradigm shift in the way this movie works, like the first, which is a shame.  But it is a good "Oooh" moment, and leads to some good stuff.

Some good stuff that would be dealt with more in a third movie if they made one, which I'm not too terribly keen to see, quite frankly.  Of course, since they ditched the ending of the alst movie, while also starting from the exact moment the first movie ended!, I don't expect anything here would be followed up on either, if it continues.

Stick with the original, and gives this sequel a wide berth, unless you just want to watch Ashley Bell do her thing.  Actually, STILL stick to the original, because she does it better there.

What I'm Watching: Warm Bodies

Sticking with the theme of supernatural romances adapted from novels, here's some thoughts on Warm Bodies!

Now, I *know* this movie was hit with backlash because I saw a lot of people saying, "Ugh, no thank you.  it's just Twilight with Zombies."

And that, that is a shame, because Warm Bodies is a genuinely entertaining, if not great, movie.

The story is set in a world with two levels of zombies.  There's your recently dead zombies, who still have a sense of self, ability to think, and sadly, an overwhelming urge to eat human flesh.  Eventually, their humanity fades away, along with their consciousness and memories, and devolve even further into skeletal zombies that  have zero humanity left in them.

We follow the adventures of one such still-humanoid zombie, whom is later named R, as he meets a girl and falls for her.  It's your classic love story of REALLY forbidden love, especially when she starts to fall for him.  Julie can't quite figure out why, but it probably helps that R isn't trying to eat her.

The biggest fault of the movie probably comes from a need here.  They made R too pretty.  You need to make him look dead, look enough like a zombie, but still have him not look like you will lose your lunch by looking at him.  And so R ends up with a look that made people think of Edward's pale sparkliness, and that made people judge the movie before even seeing it.

The relationship between R and Julie somehow works, and the build up is done very well.  They have ups and downs, it isn't really love at first bite...er, sight, and their struggles are believable.  For one of them being a zombie, that is.

Warm Bodies succeeds in actually making you feel for R and the zombies.  The movie is rife with dark humour, which you kinda need, and expect, from the self-aware zombies.  It pokes fun at tropes, and embraces a few others, but runs with them in fun ways.

Rob Corddry as R's friend M brings a lot of humour, as you would expect from the Daily Show alum.  Any scene with him in it, is great, and his performance is worth watching.  And if he's not enough, then you've got John Malkovich as Julie's father and the military leader of the human settlement featured in the movie.

My only problem with the story, is that the zombie plague is turned back by the power of love?  This was just poorly explained and handwaved, more than I would like.  But turning the tide of the undead isn't really the thrust of the story, and save for being important to literally humanising R, it's not that important.  Just more of a, "Oh, come ON!" moment for me.

Warm Bodies is charming, fun, and funny, with a great cast, and good chemistry between the two leads.  It was much more enjoyable than Beautiful Creatures, and I definitely recommend it to fans of zombie movies who want something a little different.

What I'm Watching: Beautiful Creatures

Hopefully this won't be as long as the Man of Steel review!

This is a *little* off the beaten path for Trisk, but there's magic, there's witches...sorry, 'casters' as the movie insists on calling them, and curses.  I can work with that.

Beautiful Creatures suffered a bit from coming out at the same time as Twilight fever.  Which is understandable.  Supernatural love stories are super huge right now, so everyone and their dog wants to make one and cash in on that.  Which there's nothing wrong there, but the movie probably was hit by some backlash from the sparkly vampie abominations.

Which is really a shame, since this movie wasn't bad.

It doesn't blow me away, but it was a fun two hours.  The cast is solid, mostly.  The biggest problem was everyone having to do Southern accents, and not everyone in the cast should be allowed to do that, in this movie.  Some were better than others, and some were just painful, to me, and got on my nerves.

But dialect aside, the performances still come through just fine, especially Jeremy Irons who can be known for chewing scenery with the best of them.  Yeah, I'm looking at YOU, Dungeons & Dragons...

The story resolves around a kid haunted by dreams, until he meets a girl whose family is spoken about in hushed whispers and rumours.  He's intrigued, and finds out everything rumoured about the family is true.  He gets sucked into their crazy world of magic, destiny, and curses, and does his best to help his new girlfriend not turn evil.

I was a little uncomfortable with the movie's mythology that established how every caster reaches a point where they go either to the light or the dark.  The women are forced into the role by their 'true nature' and have to stay that way.  But the males are able to choose at will, being good or evil whenver they want.  Gee, that's not too sexist, is it?  I'm probably being too harsh, but it did make me roll my eyes.

The movie's use of magic was creative, and sexism aside, it have some good mythology to it, that built for a unique view of magic in this world.  And setting it against a Southern backdrop and the Civil War gave it a bit of history and substance to it.  The Vampire Diaries does much the same with its initial mythology, and it works well.

There were a few moments that made me wince though, and it was usually during any sort of magic battle.  Partly because of effects, and partly because of acting.  Magic is a tough thing to sell, magic battles even more so, since actors have to act big to sell whatever they're doing, while having no idea WHAT it is they're doing, and it sometimes comes across as silly.

Still, there's a good story here of trying to find your place in the world at that awkward time in your life known as high school.  It's something we all go through, and a common source of supernatural allegory.  Beautiful Creatures might not be the most unique take on a crowded genre trope, but it does a fair job, and is worth a look.

What I'm Watching: Man of Steel

The summer of superheroes continues!  Or whatever.

Naturally, I've seen all the Superman movies, and was one of the few people that liked Superman Returns.  It wasn't great, but I feel it got treated unfairly.  It was a bit too beholden to the movies that came before, sticking with the continuity, at least of the first two movies.  It was simply too reverent of that material, and never stood on its own, and was still too mired in an older style that just did not suit it.

And with this new movie, they handed the reins over to Zach Snyder, who can be very hit or miss.  300 was big, dumb fun.  Watchmen was a blast, held very close to the source material, but missed the mark in some ways, and Sucker Punch was a bloody mess.

So, I came into Man of Steel with cautious optimism, like I suspect many fans did.  Snyder can be an amazing, visionary filmmaker, he's a comics fan of some note, but Superman has a lot of baggage, good and bad, and they were making questionable changes that did not fill people with trust and joy.

Possibly with that mindset, without expecting much from the movie, I came away with an opinion that may well be seen as blasphemy amongst movie and comic fans alike.

This was the best Superman movie that has ever been made.

Now, don't get me wrong.  We all love those original movies.  But really.  Let's be serious.  They may well be classics, they showed us what could be done with the genre, but let's face it.  They are dated.  They are very much products of their time.  They may have treated the source material with some level of seriousness, they also carried over some of the camp that was rampant in the medium in the late 70s and early 80s.  Superman and Superman II may well be great movies, but they are also kinda goofy at times.

Man of Steel brings a new level of maturity and seriousness to the franchise, and that is both good, and bad.  When you're dealing with a guy who wears his underwear on the outside, you gotta expect things to not be perfectly serious, nor should they be.  Of course, they lost the boxers, so that kinda gives you a hint of the tone they're going for here.

The movie is darker than you might expect, but not as dark or serious as say, the Dark Knight films.  This is about as dark as you could get away with making Superman, and have it still feel like a Superman movie.  It loses a lot of the joy and fun of the property because of that, but it has some moments, and it fits with what they're trying to do here, and drag the big blue boy scout into the 21st Century.  It mostly works, but not having that lighter tone does hurt it, in the long run.  Superman is still Superman, but he's a little too dour.  That thankfully feels changed by the end of the movie, and they might be a bit more open to something closer to what we'd expect in future sequels.

Man of Steel is packed with information, starting over from scratch, and that is probably for the best.  Superman Returns spent too much time honouring the past, and the movie never stood on its own.  It's like they went down the checklist of things every Superman movie had up to that point and ticked each box.  MoS tossed aside all expectations, and forged ahead, and really did become its own thing.  This was the best choice they could have made.  It allows them to exist as their own franchise, and not be beholden to everything Richard Donner did.  There is almost no references to past movies, save for familiar characters, and that is just fine.

It was such a relief that this movie did NOT have a Phantom Zone that was a floating, flat square.  Not once did anyone come close to saying, "Kneel before Zod!"  There was no John Williams score.  Not even a piece of Kryptonite reared its glowing emerald head in this movie.  This made the movie refreshing, and stand as its own movie.

I do wish the movie had been a little tighter.  It spent far too much time on Krypton, with a nearly ten minute long opening scene there.  But this is forgivable, as Russell Crowe is amazing as Superman's father, Jor-El.  Michael Shannon also gives a great performance as Zod, although he does have a few scenes of wince-worthy scenery chewing.  But fortunately, they are very few.  The style set forth by the opening also helps the movie be its own creature.  This is a unique Krypton, with its own design aesthetic, and I loved the design.  There was nothing overly familiar, and it truly felt like an alien world with technology that made sense, while still being so far beyond our abilities.

Being a new first movie in a franchise, we of course get the dreaded origin story, which I've ranted on at length everywhere online.  But this movie only hits the high points, and fortunately spreads them out over the course of the movie.  After the overlong Kryptonian opening, it would have been terrible to spend the next half hour watching young Clark grow and discover his powers.  We don't need that.  We may need the scenes for context, and make us understand this take on Clark and his worldview, but the movie does the smart thing and places these scenes throughout the movie as flashbacks, showing them only when the movie needs them for context and reflection on current events, properly building the narrative and characters with the smartly dropped background information at opportune times.  It is a careful balancing act to try and pull off, and the movie succeeds at it, although they do sometimes slow the movie down a bit too much, as well as covering a lot of the same ground.

Which is the movie's biggest problem; it likes to drop its big ideas on you over and over again.  There's a common idea of the 'rule of threes' in writing, and this movie felt more like 'the rule of sixes' with how often they liked to tell us things.  This didn't bother me so much, but it can get a bit to the point of wanting to shout, "Get on with it!!" for others.

Henry Cavill is perfectly cast as Superman.  He stands right up there with Christopher Reeve.  He has that presence of character, that gravitas, and yet that gentleness a Superman needs.  He somehow embodies being a virtual God, and yet also the everyman all at once.  And he has that look.  Brandon Routh was perfectly cast as Clark, but he never quite embodies Superman as believably, for me.  Cavill does a good job of showing Clark slowly discovering his powers, both with joy and terror and a mix of frustration at times.  At least, when it's not kid Clark discovering his powers.

The depiction of powers was also handled well.  I do indeed believe a man can fly, more than I have in other Superman movies.  The x-ray vision was well done, even if it was never truly used.  It looked great.  Superspeed was handled well, and superhearing is the easiest effect of all, isn't it?  And all of these being used in the action scenes was great to watch.  The use of powers, and finally having a movie where Superman could cut loose was so much fun.  Because someone remembered he has villains outside of Lex Luthor that he can actually punch and not decapitate.

Amy Adams as Lois Lane...she may well be the best Lois ever.  Certainly for the movies.  Adams brings all of her acting chops to the role, and they actually gave her a great version of Lois to play.  She is not passive, she is not meek, she is a real reporter, and they let her be that way.  She spends the early part of the movie actually investigating these urban legends of a mystery saviour that lead her around the world.  They could have easily had Superman arrive at any point and make her stop, never finding out who he is beyond being a strange visitor from another world.  But no, they let her go all the way, they let her use her skills to their ultimate conclusion, and allow her, all on her own and with her own ability, go right up to the Kent farm and discover completely who Superman really is.

Yes, this Lois is no fool that claims to be a reporter, yet is fooled by a simple pair of glasses.  She knows who Superman is, before he even IS Superman.  And she figured it out herself, with no one having to tell her.  She also helps move the plot and action along, and is rarely there as just a damsel in distress.  Very well done.

A lot of talk is going to be made about Superman's dispatching of Zod.  There will be many cries of, "Superman doesn't kill!" and really, that's never been true.  I can even point to an instance in comics where he killed another General Zod.  But, killing should be Superman's last resort.  He should try everything else first.  And then try it again.  That taking of a life should be the absolute last, and most necessary thing he ever has to do, and it should be the worst decision he can make.  The movie ALMOST earns that, mostly thanks to the destruction Zod wreaks upon the planet, and knowing there truly is no other way to deal with him.  If Zod had appeared a few years down the road after Superman appeared, they may have had means to deal with him, or Kryptonite to keep him under control, but it was clear that NO ONE was prepared to do anything about him, save for that final action.  The only thing that was lacking was how quickly they did get to that necessary point, and how it affected Clark, save for his very immediate reaction, which was just about right, but not nearly enough.

It was also nice that they actually gave Zod some proper motivation.  He wasn't just a villain for villainy's sake.  He was a patriot of Krypton, which actually works well with Superman's typical stance of "truth, justice, and the American way".  It's a good counterpoint, and part of why he works so well.  They don't quite make him sympathetic, but they do make him understandable.  He truly believe he was doing the best thing at all times for his lost people, and he just didn't care about the unevolved monkeys Kal had made a home with.

The movie has its share of flaws, though.  It does have a few too many messages it tries to convey, and never quite perfecting one.  The clearest being, where does Clark fit in?  Fortunately, he finds his answer, and that is likely the most satisfying theme in the movie.  And again, it does cover the same ground repeatedly.  There's also, as you will have with ANY movie, its share of plotholes.  But if you're along for the ride, there's nothing too majorly crazy or stupid to ruin things.

The biggest plot failure is a moment of, "Well, why didn't Superman just do that to begin with??" to stop a threat to the planet.  But they were going for the epic overcoming of a great force, and a moment of triumph, and while it IS that moment, they never quite earned it as well as other moments.

So, the movie brings a newfound level of maturity to Superman, while missing the ultimate point of Superman.  But not by a wide margin, and you can almost let it slide as this being the building blocks that will one day give us the Superman we are more familiar with.  The usual comicbookiness of plot logic rears its ugly head, but nothing quite as silly as a giant cellophane S that ensnares the villains.

Man of Steel succeeds in refreshing the Superman franchise, making for a thrilling action movie that is maybe too much of an action movie for its own good.  The drama is good, if overblown at times, but still it all makes for a very enjoyable movie.  If you're a fan of Superman, or comicbook movies, this is definitely a must see movie, and as long as you don't expect Christopher Reeve and something from the 80s, you should have a great time.

What I'm Watching: HP Lovecraft's Cool Air

Always a treat to get a new Lovecraft adaptation in my hands!  Sadly, they tend to be not very good.  Lovecraft always seems to work best in movies that aren't his.  Lovecraftian ideas and themes are much better than ACTUAL Lovecraft adaptations, more often than not.

This is an issue I struggle with, even though I know the answer, I think.  Lovecraft was very atmospheric, a lot of the brilliance comes from the use of language, and that tends to be lost in visual adaptations.  And when he comes up with SUCH unique visuals in his writing that defy description, often literally for the sake of sanity, it's understandable why that stuff is hard to translate.

It's the sort of things almost all book adaptations deal with, but Lovecraft's style makes it 1000 times more difficult.

And Cool Air is no exception.

This version of the story follows struggling screenwriter Charlie Baxter (A reference to Charles Dexter Ward?) finding a place to stay while he tries to get his life together, and having things get very weird, very quickly, when he has a heart attack and a stroke.  He is drawn into a world of mystical forces, a scientist who needs the cold, and a poor autistic girl.

The story unfolds well enough over the next 70 minutes, and the short runtime is a blessing.  The movie is not bloated, and since there is a LOT of narration and sitting around, the pace actually doesn't feel too bad.  Considering.

But when the movie takes long moments of Charlie narrating, as if he's writing his next script, and the movie shows him sitting next to Doctor Shcokner while you see the printed script pages of what he's saying floating behind them...you can't help but go, "...Really?"

The acting is decent, at least from Charlie and Shockner.  He has a bit of a deadpan, but it works, and he gets in the emotion when he needs it while recounting his tale.  And Shockner really sells her tale of her life and the terror she lives through every day, and the dire consequences awaiting Charlie.

Less successful is the autistic daughter of their landlord.  Her lines sound VERY forced and over rehearsed, which becomes increasingly obvious because they're halting and stuttering.  Every pauses feels perfectly planned, like she's remembering exactly how it was written on the page.  Which is a shame, because I can still see the raw talent beneath all that, and if she was just allowed to speak, and be awkward in her mannerisms in a more natural manner, it would be a standout performance here.

So, ultimately, the movie is not great, because of the limitations of Lovecraft's work for source material, and the low budget, sometimes amateurish nature of the production.  But since the movie doesn't overstay it's welcome and gets to the point in a short runtime, I can almost forgive it's flaws, and accept it as a decent short story.  If they had gone for a full 90 minute movie, or more?  This would be interminable.  But 70 minutes is just about right to get in and do its thing, and not feel like I wasted my time on slow, annoying sitting.

If you're a Lovecraft fan, it's worth checking out, if you can do so on the cheap, but definitely not anything you need to rush around and see right this second.

What I'm Watching: Mama

I completely forgot about this!  Watched it last week, and promptly never got around to reviewing it.

Long-time readers may recall I wasn't too thrilled with the last movie that had Guillermo Del Toro's handprint on it, Don't Be Afraid of the Dark.  It wasn't bad, but something about it never clicked.  I wanted to see Mama, but never bothered in the theatres, in part because of that (Even though Del Toro was only producing) and because the trailers made me cringe just a little bit, and not in a good horror way.

Which makes me SO pleased that after watching the DVD, I so enjoyed it!

The story is about a man who one day snaps and kills his co-workers and wife, and while taking his kids away to escape capture, he crashes deep into the middle of a wintery nowhere.  He finds his way to a shack and uses it as shelter for himself and the kids, but it's not long before something attacks and kills him.

Cut to several years later, when his twin brother, who never gave up searching, finds the cabin, and the kids, still alive and having gone a wee bit feral over all this time in the woods and no other human interaction.

Note the 'human' part of that sentence.  Because while the kids were left out there, they were not alone.  Whatever killed their father took care of them.  A something that follows them back to civilisation to watch over them, and something that they call Mama.

The plot unfolds quite well from there, with a lot of good creepy moments and scares, in that definitive Del Toro style.  He may have only produced, but you can tell he had his hands in this.  In good ways, and bad ways.

Del Toro's style is often quite terrifying, but also has this tendency to switch in an instant over to something more...whimsical.  And that is located here as well, sadly enough.  It doesn't ruin the movie, but the occasional silly or cute look to something we are supposed to be afraid of undercuts things just a little, in those few moments it happens.

Fortunately, it only happens when we're supposed to be sympathising with the creature, seeing its human side, both figuratively, and literally.  So at least it makes sense thematically, and makes it more palletable.

Most importantly, the movie actually ends with a satisfying ending.  Something that can be so rare in hrror these days.  It's not necessarily a HAPPY ending, but things are resolved, and explained adequately enough, and you are left with a sense of closure and hope.  I'm all for ambiguous endings, or sequel baiting, but these things have become so prevalent in horror movies, you almost forget what a legitimate *ending* is!

Probably the biggest problem is that the movie may not have the most original elements to it.  You will find many familiar tropes.  But they are put together in a new way, with its own style, that you can almost forget that nagging feeling of familiarity it sometimes has.

The cast is great, with Nikolaj Coster-Waldau doing a dual role of the brothers, and you really feel his pain at losing his family so many years ago, and the hope at rebuilding it again.  Jessica Chastain as his girlfriend who gets put in the unenviable position of trying to take care of the kids when she doesn't want to also puts in a way better performance than such a role would normally receive.  Even the kids aren't annoying.

Mama was a real treat to watch, both from a storytelling point of view, and visually.  Even on his bad days, even on a movie Del Toro just sneezed at, the movie has a distinctive style that is entrancing.  It may not be the most original horror movie, it may have its own quirks, but those are also its charm, and I think it works.

What I'm Watching: Agent Beetle

Since I looked at one awesome superhero movie last week, let's stick with the divergence and talk about another superhero movie I watched.

Is this one awesome too?

Pffffahahahaha, not really.

Agent Beetle is...special.

It is a very independent, very low budget movie, and almost every frame of film shows that to its fullest.  The plot revolves around a cop who goes undercover as a criminal so he can be injected with a serum that gives people insect-like abilities.

Just how insect-like those abilities are can be highly questionable, but eh, whatever.  I can roll along with the plot device.

Dan Garret runs around...wait, what?  Dan freakin' Garret?  So, Agent Beetle is THE GOLDEN AGE BLUE BEETLE!?

What the what??

Yep, they've adapted the golden age Blue Beetle into a modern story told on the cheap.  The plot is simple and straightforward, it does nothing original, and is so simple that the 80 minute run time is highly padded.

Long scenes of people walking around, extended fight scenes I can forgive because of the content, but then there's a nearly five minute scene of a bikini pagent that is there for no purpose, other than to drag things out, and boobs.  One of our villains walks into the club, watches the thing, then leaves.  No real point, no real dialogue.  Whatever.

The sets are downright laughable, if they can be called sets.  Half the movie takes place clearly backstage at a theater.  I recognise those curtain setups all too well from my days in drama clubs.  Seriously, the evil mastermind scientist's office has black curtain walls?  Yeah, no.

When they're not backstage at the Apollo, I'm pretty sure the rest of the sets are just various other rooms in the theatre.  They have that distinct blandness of no set dressing and waiting for the cast of Cats to walk in at any time.

Much like you would expect from a movie that LOOKS like it was filmed by the crew of a college film project, the acting is about on the same level.  Everyone is stiff with little emotion, going through the motions, and with such bland, unoriginal dialogue, it's no surprise.

Uninspired is the watchword for Agent Beetle.  The best thing I can say about the movie is that the opening credits look bloody amazing.  They blew their effects budget on those, I suppose.

But since this is Trisk, being a bad movie does not mean it's not a fun movie, and this movie is just so crazy, so silly, it is mindnumbingly fun.  It is a blast watching this silly, pointless plot wind down every cliche path you'd expect, the actors stumble through their scenes, and how the lack of sets is like something right out of a Rob Liefeld background.

Agent Beetle may be a bad, dumb movie, but...we kinda love you anyways.  I had a blast watching it, even if I shook my head the entire time.

What I'm Watching: Iron Man 3

In the category of, "Hey, that's not horror!" Iron Man 3 premiered today!!  And hey, it's science fiction, and it's my damned site, and I love comics.  I'm allowed to write what I want!

It goes without saying, but just in case...there be spoilers beyond this point.  Run away now if you don't want to know stuff.

Every time I walk out of a movie, the first question I get asked is, "What did you think?"  As is the norm, I suppose.  I normally have a quick, one word answer.  Not so much this one, and I can't *quite* put my finger on it.  I *did* like IM3.  But I would probably stick it down amongst my least favourite of the IM movies.  Which is not a bad thing.  As I say, if you're rating a group of good things, someone is gonna come up last, right?

If Iron Man was a 10, and IM 2 was a 9, I would give IM 3 a solid 8, or 8.5.  So it's really JUST trailing the pack.

First up, some random stuff I did like.  LOVED the opening.  So many movies start with that semi-pretentious quoting of something, and this movie undercuts that instantly.  Which is so perfect for the tone of Iron Man.  It tells you *immediately* who Tony Stark is, before you even see a frame of him on screen.  Also, it sets up the running gag of quoting people, usually for comedic effect.

RDJ is back as Iron Man/Tony Stark, and if you loved him in the first two movies and Avengers, well, then you get more of the same here.  In fact, you get a bit more Tony than Iron Man, so that's good for some people.  In fact, he even gets to play a bit more with emotions this time, and is given a bit of a character arc to work through.

The villains were good, and I quit enjoyed the movie's take on the Mandarin.  There were some very good twists in the story with him, and AIM, and a few other characters.  I legit did not see a few of them coming, and that's always a good thing.

Ben Kingsley...  Well, he's Ben Freakin' Kingsley.  I don't need to say anything about him at all.  He brings such gravitas to the role, and then some.

I absolutely loved, LOVED Pepper getting to wear the armour, and some serious contributions to the action.  Her moments of stupid in the second movie ALWAYS sat poorly with me, and were my biggest complaints with IM2.  This was a bit of service in rectifying those moments, IMO.  She still had a bit of damsel in distress, but they at least had her not be an idiot staring at an about to explode robot.

Finally, a movie that did not culminate in the bad guy wearing a suit of armour all his own to fight Iron Man!  That drove me up the wall, that Whiplash needed to do that in the sequel.  Just because Tony wears armour, his villains don't all need to wear armour as well.  The movie DID put some of the baddies into metal forms a few times, but they were not the main goal of their plots, more diversions than anything else.  I appreciate this so damned much.  The Extremis abilities really worked as a good counterpoint to Tony's armour.

Now, for the bad.  Don't worry, it's not that bad!

Was the humour...off, for anyone else?  It felt like it got a little goofy at times?  Tony being Tony was fine, but something about anyone else trying to be funny didn't quite work.  Justin Hammer had a little bit of that awkward humour in the second one, but it felt more prominent here.  I dunno.  Maybe it was just because this movie had a darker tone in its narrative that made the gags stand out all the more.

The first act felt a little slow, but I'm not too perturbed by that.  After the mind-blowing craziness of the Avengers, the movie kinda needed to take a breath, and it's always good to give the characters a chance to breathe.  But you do sometimes get antsy waiting for the action to start in an action movie, yeah? ;)

I mentioned Tony's character arc, and while I appreciate the attempt, I felt it was a little weak.  He's having a crisis of something, and he's having anxiety attacks!  They give some reasons in the form of gods and aliens, but it felt REALLY glossed over, and I never really bought into that side of the storyline.  "I fell through a hole in space...AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! *flails and hyperventilates!!*"  It felt like it needed more thought put into it, and more time spent building it up.  I like that Tony was affected by the Battle for New York...I just didn't buy into it.

Also, the resolution to it was equally as hasty.  "Well, just build something!"  "OK!"  If you're going to take time to slow the movie down and build character, go for it.  Don't start, then rush through it in the end zone, guys!

I do wonder what it is with trilogies ending with the hero seemingly hanging things up.  Yeah, I'm looking at you, Dark Knight.  That was an odd way to end this movie, with Tony almost getting rid of all things Iron Man.  I know it won't last, and it does have that bit of coming full circle, and completing his growth begun in the first film...but with more movies to come, it is a weird place to leave the character.

I also wasn't a huge fan of the kid, but it still gave me some good laughs, so the good outweighs the not so good there.  Also, it gave us time to get to know Tony, and develop him in ways the previous movies never quite got around to.  He really starts to come out of his playboy tropes at last, with this movie.

So, for the most part, I enjoyed it.  It's flawed, but it's more Iron Man action, with the same smart writing for Tony, with a solid plot, and stuff for everyone to do.  They don't make the mistake of overloading the movie with characters, stick with the few mains and the villains, and more sequels need to remember this.  You don't need all the same characters back from your previous two movies plust six new people.  It's a good way to tie up the Iron Man trilogy for now, and is a good action movie with some solid attempts at humanising Tony Stark.

And of course, stay through the credits for your usual surprise.

In the shadow of Avengers, I don't think anything would have been truly satisfying 100%.

What I'm Watching: Cloned - The Recreator Chronicles

Today on, "Movies no one has ever heard of..."  it is Cloned: The Recreator Chronicles!

Like most random movies, it was the trailer of this that caught my eye.  I saw the name, it sounds sciencey, and there's always fun stuff there, so I watched the trailer.  That was decent, and looked well made, AND there was the bonus of John deLancie!  Yep, Q from Star Trek: TNG wandered into this.

That was really all I needed to put this over from a strong maybe to a gotta see.

Cloned is about a trio of young adults heading off to a camping trip in the Adirondacks of upstate New York, to spend one last fun night together before one of them gets shipped off with the armed forces.

Once they make their way to their remote island, they find a home there.  One thing leads to another, and mostly thanks to a storm they take cover indoors.  The owners of the house return in the morning, chasing off their trio of Golidlocks.

Then things take a turn for the worst when the trio stumble upon a pair of dead bodies; duplicates of the people chasing them.  When the clone owners have the kids try and dispose of their originals' bodies, they are fortunately saved by more clones, their own clones.

So yeah, that is one lengthy set up.

Once the clones enter the scene, things really pick up.  The movie is nicely paced, with spending a good chunk of the first act introducing us to the three kids, then that opening twist that could have just as easily been a home 'invasion' gone wrong that then introduces clones, that then introduces MORE clones...  Yeah, fun stuff there.

The thing with the clones is that they're faster, stronger, smarter, and basically better in every way.  And they all know it.  They see themselves as superior, and want to be the ones to live, replacing the inferior originals.  Usually, it's the clones that are inferior, so it's a nice change up.

The actors do a good job of making the originals and clones different.  That can be a VERY tricky thing for actors, and they do a great job.  You never get confused about which is which, unless they want you to be confused.  Their personalities are distinct, and unique, so basically each person is playing two different characters.

Problems begin to arise when the plot tries to give us backstory, and I don't think it quite achieved that part of storytelling.  They drop bits and pieces here and there, and the narrative never really clicked.  I would've liked a little more time spent with the exposition, but when that takes away from the main focus, that does become problematic.  So it wasn't exactly my favourite way to get the story out, it's understandable why it went that way.

But the cast definitely carries the story through, and it is a fun journey watching both group fight for survival.  The originals wanting to live to continue living, and the dupes wanting their chance at life because they feel they're better.  If not for the clones being a bit homicidal, you can almost feel for them.

Naturally, the clones have the advantage, and since they are clearly on the stabby side, you want the originals to live.  But being the underdogs, the question becomes how, and will everyone make it out alive?  They find some good ways to make it believable that the originals can win, mostly due to being more knowledgable of the world than the clones.  The clones are smarter, but more naive in a way, and less aware of treachery.

Unsurprisingly, not everyone gets out alive, and the movie has a very nice, very dark twist to it, that both really wowed me at just how twisted it was, and made me shake my fist at the screen.  Overall, Cloned was a solid little movie that was a fun ride.  It ended up being very light on the John deLancie, and there's never really any threat from "The Recreator" like the back of the box warns, but oh well.  Taken for what it is, it's worth watching.

Whew, I made it through the entire review without mentioning the clones were created from DNA samples aquired via the home's septic system and were thus pooplicates.

...Shit.

What I'm Watching: Zombieland Pilot

Awhile back, I shared my thoughts on the awesomeness that was Zombieland.  It was widely known that they originally wanted to make a series, hence the Zombie Kill of the Week would've been a real thing, and other little touches.  But that didn't work, and they eventually got it to launch as a theatrical movie.

So, the wheel turns, and we come back around to...Zombieland being made into a possible series!  Go figure.  At Amazon, of all places.  But hey, if they get the tone correct, it's all good, right?

Right?

Well...  How can this feel so wrong and so right at the same time?  I really think the main problem here is the cast.  Now, there was NOOO way they were going to get the movie's cast back, clearly.  And other properties have transitioned well enough from movies to tv with a changed cast, like Stargate.  But Zombieland has SUCH an iconic cast, that it is tough, at least with this first episode, to get over that.  I hope that lessens as time goes by, because I would really hate to be constantly bothered by that.

Because really?  This was good.  This was GOOD.  This was, quite frankly, more Zombieland.  If you were to read the scripts, or if these were two separate chapters of a book, you would go, "Ah, yes.  These are two parts of a whole.  These are both of a piece."  I would be hard pressed to find someone who loved the movie that didn't at least like this, and at least be willing to give it a chance.

The cast is not bad, not really.  But yeah, hard to get by not having Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone, and the rest.  And it's been awhile since I saw the original, and I know Tallahassee was never the sharpest blade in the scabbard, but did they dumb him down, or is it just me?

I get they're going for comedic effect, and it's like Randall getting a slight IQ downgrade between the Clerks movies and animated series and whatnot.  It's funny to have a guy that's clueless.  And the guy playing Tallahassee was pretty good, and the way they wrote him suited the actor's protrayal, so it all works in the end.

They also did a funny bit opening the episode, which was maybe a little on the slow side but it's easing you in I guess...  But they open up with a joke that ONLY works because they recast the role.  The whole joke is, you don't know the guy, but if you knew this was Tallahassee, FL, then you would know that was who that was!  That is so meta, and pretty brilliant, and a great way to say, "Yes, we know they're not the same actors, live with it."

Little Rock came off as a poor man's Chloe Moretz to me.  And that's not a bad thing.  She was probably the closest to the original actress, in my head.  But being compared to Moretz is a plus, in my book.

I don't really have much to say about Columbus and Wichita, but they did decently enough.  Columbus as our returning narator works well enough, and isn't terribly jarring, which is a plus.

Aside from Tallahassee being dumbed down, Wichita's casting throws me the most.  She is SO different from Emma Stone, but she delivers the lines well, as some decent awkward chemistry with Columbus, and is pretty funny.  So it's the most distracting, but she does a good enough job of both making the role her own, and feeling at home at the same time, that it almost works.  And will surely grow on me if this goes to a series.

But the biggest question I have on the plot side of things...who the fuck is keeping OnStar going in the zombie apocalypse?!  That's almost crazy to me, and almost demands having a story told just to explain the hows and whys, before my suspension of disbelief snaps like a rubber band.

But in short, this is good, VERY good.  Especially for a pilot, and one that has such expectations breathing down its neck.  It hits all the right notes, and has the same tone as the movie.  You get that mix of humour and horror that the movie excelled at, and knows when to switch between the two.  It gets right what it needs to get right, and the stuff it gets wrong can be ironed out.  No pilot is perfect, and while the cast is different, the story remains the same.

Definitely worth checking out, and giving Amazon your feedback.

What I'm Watching: Stitches

Up on the chopping block today is the...rather interesting movie, Stitches.

What we have here is a mix of horror and comedy, much in the same vein as Shaun of the Dead.  It has that dry British wit, and some great effects, and some very off the wall humour.

The movie opens up with our titular clown, Sitches, banging a girl shouting, "Fuck me, clown!"

Much like Father's Day, just that mere description kinda gives you an idea of what you're in for here.

This is the story of Stitches, a clown who is accidentally killed by the mischief-making of a group of eight year olds at Tommy's birthday party.

Eight years later, when Tommy has finally put to rest the demons of having seen a clown die with a knife stabbed into his face at his last party, he agrees to throw another birthday party when he turns 16.

This event calls forth the corpse of Stitches to enact his entirely appropriate revenges upon each of the kids that fucked up his day, in ways that were surely handed down from the ironic punishments division of Hell.

What that transpires is about 45 minutes of the clown stalking through the party, killing everyone in his way, and basically having a laugh of it all.

LOVED this movie, plain and simple.  It never takes itself seriously, obviously, but it still is insanely bloody and brutal.  Even so, that violence remains purely in the realm of cartoon violence.  One of the kids gets killed by a bike pump being shoved into the back of his head, and getting his noggin inflated until it explodes.

Ross Noble plays the clown, and oh my god, is he hilarious.  Stitches comes from a long line of surly clowns who hate their job, but have nothing better to do.  And his demeanor does not improve upon his rise from the grave.  In fact, he seems more perturbed that he's been woken, than being killed in the first place.  He is grumpy, not very nice, and just wants to get this over with.  I love this take on a clown, and having a bad guy only going through the motions so he can be done with this shit, is a fun twist, and seems like something that would only appear in a British movie.

The movie is very satisfying, in so many ways.  Many of the kids grew up to be little shits, thanks to the traumas of watching a clown bite it, so you are so pleased to watch them get what's coming to them.  Plus, the bad guy actually gets taken out in the movie, which is ALWAYS a plus, and there's even room left for a sequel, if they want to do one.  Which I would welcome.  They even manage to fit in a little bit of coming of age story tropes for Tommy, as he recovers from his birthday clown death, and struggling to overcome.

It hits all the right notes of horror and humour that you want this movie to have.  It hits a few tasteless notes, but even with those, this is such a fun movie, with some great writing.

Definitely check this out!