What I'm Watching: Crush

Many moons ago (HA!) I posted my thoughts on Teen Wolf season one.  I really ought to post my new thoughts on the show, given season two, and seeing season one a few more times since then.

But instead, I am going to talk about a movie starring the female lead of TW, Crystal Reed!  Who was *easily* the highlight of Teen Wolf's first season for me.

Crush is the story of Bess, who has (That's right!) a crush on her schoolmate, Scott.  Scott also has a friend who has yet another crush on him, but she's a bit more open about it than Bess is.  Bess is your typical quiet, shy, loner girl, who doesn't know how to interact with people half the time, let alone guys.  I can kinda identify with her, really.

There's also another guy who has a crush on Bess that is just as unrequited as all the other love in this movie.

Things quickly take a turn for Basic Instinct territory for the teenager demographic though, when Jules starts to be targeted by some other girl crushing on Scott.

HMMMM, who could it be??

Surprisingly, the movie doesn't go the obvious route.  In fact, Bess is a little too obvious, so it becomes a question of whom it is messing with Scott and everyone else.  It's good to have the twist to the plot, but at the same time, it comes just a LITTLE out of nowhere with a character who could have used a little more build up before the reveal.  Once the true antagonist is revealed, Bess sadly falls by the wayside for FAR too long in the movie.

The creepy obsessed stalker genre of film is a tried and true cliche, and this movie doesn't really do anything THAT new with it, but it does hit all the right notes.  It's surprising that there aren't more movies like this, especially with the advent of technologies that make it so, so much easier.  It's usually the adults that are the stalkers, but there should be more teen stalker movies.  Their bodies are all messed up, hormones are everywhere, and our brains are still developing, so getting a little crazy makes sense.

It's also a nice twist that the girl they are setting up to be the stalker, KNOWS she's bad at this, she knows she gets obsessive, she knows she's awkward and all those bad things.  It's a nice thing to have her be incredibly self-aware.

Crystal Reed is easily the best actress in this, giving a performance that is all the more powerful if you're familiar with her other work.  I am SO used to seeing her being confident and kicking ass on Teen Wolf, that to see her playing the part of this shy, quiet girl, the absolute opposite, and she does it SO well with the way she speaks, the way she carries herself...this girl is already quite a talent, and she should have a long, amazing career ahead of her.

The rest of the cast is pretty solid too, but they all do what they do, and do it well enough.  Crystal just knocks it out of the park, perfectly.  Another good thing is that almost everyone in this movie exhibits a bit of that stalker mentality, good and bad.  We all have those moments, we all check out the Facebook page of the person we like.  It all depends on where we draw the line, where we stop, and how far we take things.  They could have explored those ideas a little more.

Crush ends up being a decent enough movie that doesn't quite try hard enough to be original, but it's fun, it's at least trying to carve out a new niche, and has at least one great performance worth watching, even with a few flaws.

And for the hardcore horror fans?  Leigh Whannell from the Saw films puts in a small role.

What I'm Watching: Father's Day

I'm sitting here wondering if I have ever reviewed a movie from the infamous Troma Films company.  The guys who made Toxic Avenger!  Like Full Moon, they filled a lot of my VHS watching days, and their cheese is very special.

So it's great that I finally get to look at one of their movies, the newest release, Father's Day.  No, this is not a sequel to their other infamous holiday movie, Mother's Day.  Not even close.

If anyone is going to do a grindhouse homage, it should be these guys.  The blood, the gore, the sleaze...all of that are hallmarks of both grindhouse and Troma.  This is a good fit, in theory.

The movie is about a killer who likes to go around killing fathers, hence the name of the movie.  He is being hunted by a priest and the son of one of his former victims, amongst others.  But it's mostly about Father John and Ahab.

Part of the movie concerns Father John's quest to find Ahab, then his reintroduction to society and finding his sister whom he abandoned is now a stripper, and culminating in a final battle with the Fuckman, who keeps things gory while they're doing their thing.

Yes.

The bad guy of this movie is called The Fuckman.  Also known as Chris Fuckman.  And the Fuckmanicus.

That kinda sums up the movie right there, doesn't it?  This does not take itself seriously, not in the slightest.  The movie is downright insane at times.  The dialogue is bizarre in a good way, with Ahab trying to sound wise and insightful, but you know it's bullshit.  And the other characters know it's bullshit.

I loved watching this.  I knew going in this was going to be grindhousey, just by being Troma.  I was not disappointed, and the quality of humour while still maintaining a sensible story was a welcome change of pace from some grindhouse homages that are just gibberish.

The final act where the characters end up in hell trying to find the Fuckmanicus and end its threat forever maybe gets a bit too cutesy and referential, but on balance things work out.  You don't expect things to be serious, so it's not a jarring tone, just maybe a bit too much during a proper climax.  I could've done without a slave Leia and Jedi homage that was SO on the nose, as well as a slam on the Hollywood movie meat grinder being a bit much.

Actually, nevermind, I kinda liked the slam.  It was maybe just the wrong place for it.

I especially loved the lengths they went to, to make this seem like a late night movie found on some cable access channel.  It has bumpers to lead into it like you would expect, and a great cheesy trailer for another movie that doesn't exist but I want.  I love silly things like that, in these sorts of movies.

This might be my favourite Grindhouse homage right now.  Drive Angry, Hobo with a Shotgun, now this...it's a good time to be a Grindhouse fan!

Where ELSE are you going to see maple syrup being used as a weapon against a demon from Hell?

What I'm Watching: Bad Kids Go to Hell

Up for a quickie review this time around is the indie film, Bad Kids Go to Hell.  This is based on a graphic novel, as I discovered after the fact, and I can best describe this movie as Breakfast Club as done by Wes Craven or Stephen King.

I didn't really expect much from this.  It looked like a fun little thriller, with a few moments of cringeworthy filmmaking from the trailer, but it had a few actors I like *coughcoughBenBrowdercough* and the premise seemed fun.

And you know what?  This was a LOT of fun.  It's far from perfect, and those cringes are certainly there, but most of the flaws came from strange choices in directing and editing, as well as maybe a story that gets a little TOO murky for its own good.

We have six students at Crestview Academy being hauled in for eight hours of detention to make amends for their crimes against the school.  What were they?  Why are they all there?  Well, those mysteries all unfold over the course of the movie's 90 minutes.

Almost immediately you see the Breakfast Club parallels, and almost immediately the movie smashes those expectations.  It was very smart to start off with someone saying NO, we are not going to bond and become best friends, none of that coming of age BS here!  It was a refreshing change, and the movie delivers on that promise.

How?  Well, the dead bodies start piling up fast.

Once the bodies start dropping, and talk of a curse goes around, the mysteries deepen beyond the students, and we get flashbacks fleshing out the backstory and mystery.  And this is my biggest problem.  The flashbacks were almost too sudden?  Too similar to what we were watching in the now.  You need a little more...something to signify a change in time period than an editing cut.  It felt like I was missing something, until I realised it was a flashback.  Once you get the language of the film though, you can follow along.  But it was a dangerous gambit to just jump cut to another time period, that I'm not sure paid off, and could throw some people too far out of the narrative.

Aside from clear cues, the story does unfold very well, giving you piece after piece of the larger puzzle in a very satisfying fashion until the end.  What an end.  The movie piles up twist after twist, and for the most part they work.  Just when you thought you've figured out the plot, the movie twists AGAIN with another reveal.

They went maybe one step too far during the credits, but it's not a deal-breaker.  It just felt a little too tacked on and not really part of the story.  Maybe just because we had had so many twists and masterminds behind the plot already, it was that straw that drove a hatchet through the camel's back.  Also, they mentioned a few times that some exposition got left on the cutting room floor to tighten things up, but I think a BIT more exposition was needed for this movie.  The plot is convoluted, and while you get the gist of it, I think the story could have been delivered with a bit more depth, clarity, and finesse.

The student characters are pretty much cast very well.  They're not quite cliches, but there's enough familiarity that you can recognise them.  There's a jock, but he's not quite JUST a jock, as you can tell instantly.  There's the Bad Girl, but she's got depth to her, etc.

So, with a few stylistic points aside, and the typical level of acting for a low budget movie with a few exceptions, this is a fun ride.  It's a unique premise, with fun, unique characters and a well thought out story.  The delivery was lacking, but it got the job done, albeit with a sword instead of a scalpel.

What I'm Watching: Shadow People

There is a phenomenon that is prevalent in many cultures, where people will see shadowy figures standing over them as they sleep.  There's never been a concrete explanation for these creatures, outside of remnants of the dream state.

I am one of the people that have experienced seeing these creatures.  It's long haunted me, and stayed with me, so when I heard of a movie about these creatures, I was a mixture of intrigued and terrified.  Because of my personal connection, I am drawn to the ideas, but at the same time, due to my personal experience, it makes my skin crawl and makes me crap myself.

Naturally, I watch the movie, because it's just a movie, and I like confronting my fears.

Now, with all that out of the way...how was the movie??

Ehh.  It was okay?

The trailer probably had most of the creepy bits, so I was nicely prepared when I finally saw the film.

Much like the Milla Jovovich movie, The Fourth Kind, this film tries to bolster its fiction with the idea that they are going to be dramatising real events, and show you interviews with the 'real' people involved.

They did a fair enough job, but the fakery becomes pretty clear, pretty quickly, and just feels like a waste as we see some things in two different ways, with different actors playing the same part; the one in the movie, and the one in the supposedly real footage that is in theory, the real person.

Once you glom onto the fact that it's all just a movie, you start to wonder why they're doing this, when they could just tell a story, or go the route of making it ALL seem real.  Going halfsies and try to do both makes it fail on both.  The only time such a thing works is if the real footage IS ACTUALLY REAL.

So, ignoring that stuff, the movie is about a radio personality in the vein of Art Bell, but without the fame or listener numbers.  One night he gets a call from someone being tormented by the shadow people, explaining how just learning about them makes you susceptible to them, and now Charlie Crowe is at risk.

When the caller is found dead, the mystery deepens, sending Crowe on a quest to get to the bottom of things.

The story is pretty solid, and the acting is top notch.  Dallas Roberts, who did a great performance as Milton Mamet on Walking Dead this past year plays the lead.  Charlie is a bit of a bastard, obsessed with work, a bit of a neglectful father who wants to try and care, but...  And the tale they're telling unfolds well enough.  But the extra footage of interviews is ultimately unnecessary, outside of the footage that actually kicks things off.

I *love* the idea of memetic monsters.  The idea that just knowing about a monster, once its in your head, you're doomed...  That is terrifying to me.  The old gag about telling someone to NOT thinking about pink elephants, and then that's all they can think about.  That's real danger there, and how do you fight your own thoughts?

This, THIS is the movie that The Apparition tried to be, with their whole promise of monsters coming to get you once you think of them.  In fact, the plot of Shadow People and Apparition are very similar, and this one is very much the better movie, even with the storytelling flaws.  The idea is much more fleshed out here, and the movie is much more satisfying, with a true conclusion, as far as it goes.

I also really like that the movie duels with the ideas of whether or not this is something mystical, or something scientific, and the answer ends up being very satisfying for BOTH options, leaving you to make up your own mind.

If not for the silliness of trying to sell the movie as half real, this would be a decent flick, but it has that big stumbling block that turned me off.  Other people might be of a different mind though, and the actual movie is worth seeing.  If you liked the Fourth Kind, then this is a must see, and if you want a movie that's not your normal fare with good acting, go for it.  There are worse ways to spend your Saturday night.

J

What I'm Watching: Evil Dead (2013)

It's probably no surprise that I'm a fan of the original Evil Dead movies.

For what it is, that first movie is amazing.  But it's also terribly dated, and a little silly.  Let's be honest here, folks.

Still, it's a landmark film for the genre.  It was really only a matter of time before it got remade.  So here we are in 2013, and we get that remake, so naturally I had to see it.

The biggest problem the movie has is, trying to be an Evil Dead movie, and try and do yet another movie about a bunch of kids in a cabin that gets attacked.

This subgenre is a little tired, and I'm not sure this movie brings enough new to the game to escape the trappings.  But that said, it doesn't seem to care about any of that, and still manages to be a pretty good movie, if you don't mind seeing another movie about killer beasties clawing away at an abandoned cabin.

If you've seen the first two Evil Dead movies, you have pretty much seen this movie.  Or at least 60% of it.  The plot is almost identical, with a lot of identical occurances.  The big difference comes in why the gang is at the cabin in the first place.  Everyone has gathered there to help Mia get clean after her latest drug overdose that left her dead for a brief period of time.

This seems like some incredible lengths to go through for this, but okay, fine.  I can go along with some unbelievable stuff to get us going. And it does give the group a good reason to not immediately get the fuck out of Dodge when things get weird, since they can just brush it off as Mia having bad withdrawls.  That's a good way to deal with that, really.

Sadly, Mia is the only character to really get any time spent on her to build up a personality.  Her brother David gets some, as her brother, but the other three cast members are pretty much ciphers to varying degrees.  You really don't care much about anyone besides Mia, and a little bit of David.

This is a shame, since the first 30 minutes or so are a slow burn building up to what we all know is coming.  That time could have easily been spent building the others up a little bit more.  But since Mia is the lead character, and Jane Levy is likely the best actress in this movie, it's also not entirely unexpected this happened.

Once the shit hits that fan though, the movie does not let up.  The original movie has a reputation for being pretty damned bloody and set a standard to be matched.  The remake blows it out of the water.  Or more accurately, drowns it in all the blood this movie throws at you.  I used to say movies had almost as much blood as a Tarantino film, in recent years.  Now it shall be 'almost as much blood as the Evil Dead remake.'  This is a compliment.

I am about to get into spoilers here, so if you don't want to know how things end, turn back now.  This is stuff I wish I didn't know going in, and it was inadvertently ruined for me by the press for the movie.

They hyped up Jane Levy as the movie's new lead, it's new Ash.  I really wish they had not done this.  It became quickly apparent that nope, she was just this movie's new version of Ash's girlfriend.  She gets locked in the basement for much of the movie.  So I was disappointed on that front.  But then she escapes, she gets cleansed, and then she very quickly goes down the TRUE road to Ash-dom in the last few minutes of the film.  So the news was accurate, but it took way too long to get there, and it felt like they rushed through making her the new Ash.

If they had never said anything, and just said that Jane was cast in the film as the female lead, well, then I would have had the thrill of going through the movie and seeing her actually become this movie's Ash.  Instead, I was expecting it, NOT getting it, but then having it quickly thrown at me.

Still, she does a great job protraying Mia trying to come off her drugs, then being possessed, and she has a few minutes of badassery at the end, so it all ends up good in the end.  I just hate how they were pushing the Ash angle so much, so soon.

The infamous tree scene is still there, so that might be one reason some people might want to steer clear of this.  Also, I was a bit disappointed in the other two females being the least developed, and the quickest to be killed off.  They really were just there as nothing more than fodder for the meat grinder, which is a shame these days.

But leaving aside my expectations, the movie is decent enough.  It is a solid remake, does enough for the old fans, and enough new stuff to be it's own thing too.  It takes the solid story we are familiar with, and updates it for modern times.  It is still a little silly at times with the effects and monsters but...it's an Evil Dead movies.  Those Deadites always were a bit odd, weren't they?

I did really like it, despite it's flaws, and it is worth seeing for fans of the original.  It honours the source material and does things mostly right you would want from a remake.  Check it out!

And stay through the credits!!

J
If I learned one thing from this movie: After 30 years, people still do not realise that you do not speak Latin in front of the books.

What I'm Watching: John Dies at the End

Spoiler alert!

John doesn't die at the end.

Of course, since there is no 'the end' to the movie, and instead 'Fin' closes the movie, one could argue they didn't cheat.

BUT, I digress.

This was an...interesting movie.  It's the story of David and John, and a few others, as they discover the secrets behind this universe and the next, see things no one was meant to see, and stumble over the dangers of Soy Sauce.

Yeah, like I said.  Interesting.

The easiest way to describe this is would be to say They Live meets Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.  It's got that alien invasion vibe mixed in with Douglas Adams' sense of humour.  Ghostbusters is a good comparrison for this movie, by way of a bad acid trip.  And for the most part, I love it.

This is exactly my kind of humour, although maybe a little too often does it rely on being weird for weirdness' sake, just to be weird.  Still, that can be fun, and this movie is mostly fun in that regard.  It is insane, with big ideas, and sadly the biggest flaw is that the ideas are too big.

The back of the DVD case boasts a quote stating the movie has enough big ideas for ten movies.  And it does.  But all those ideas are so busy scrambling for attention that some of them never quite get fully developed as stories.

John Dies at the End really comes close to being more of an anthology telling the adventures of these two slackers fighting the evil weirdness in their lives.  There is a larger throughline that takes up the bulk of things and ties a lot of it together, but there are enough other stories floating around that this isn't quite a single story in itself.

If they had ended the movie with the main story being wrapped up, and then dealing with the framing device, it would have been stronger.  But they kept going with more weirdness, just for the hell of it.  The film overstays its welcome by JUST a hair with those extra moments.  They don't add anything other than one more idea that's not fully fleshed out.

But if you take the sections on their own, and any given moment, this movie has so much brilliance.  I love the crazy ideas, I love the utterly bizarre shit I've never seen before on screen.  It just ends up being stitched together in not the best way, and doesn't quite hang together as well as a man made up of frozen meat.

The main story is great, each bit and piece are great as far as they go, but the movie makes me want more.  It feels unfinished, and there's a few things that just aren't clear that could have been made clearer.

Is wanting there to be more really a BAD thing?  Well, when it leaves you scratching your head with a bit of confusion, then yeah, it is, a bit.  I don't quite know what to make of the movie.  I loved so much about it, but as a movie, something doesn't work, you know?

It is clearly destined for cult status with an insanely loyal fanbase that loves this sort of craziness, and I will proudly say I am right there with them, and this movie will surely grow on me.  And once I read the book, I am sure more things will make sense, and I'll enjoy it even more, but for now it isn't quite a home run.

I definitely recommend it for people who like their horror a little bit silly, or like some weirdness with their comedy.  If you're a fan of Bubba Ho-Tep, or the book, you kinda know what you're in for, and shouldn't be disappointed.  I wasn't, don't get me wrong.  I just need to mull this one over.  It's a lot to take in!

J

What I'm Watching: 13 Eerie

13 Eerie?  Well, you can probably guess what made me want to watch this movie.

And you would be wrong!  WRONG!!

Okay, truthfully, the title caught my eye and made me research.  But what made me grab the movie to watch was the presence of one of my favourite Canadian genre stars, Katharine Isballe.  I have been a huge geeky fanboy of hers since Ginger Snaps.  I flail wildly every time she would randomly appear on a show.

Oh, and Brendan Fehr is in this too, and he was awesome on Roswell and other places.

That was enough to get me in the door, even if the trailer showed zombies, and uh...I'm kinda done with zombies.  Totally burnt out on them.  But screw it, I wanted to see Katharine, and the setting looked interesting enough.

We start off with six forensic students being boated and bussed out to a remote penetentiary at 13 Eerie Strait, on a remote island, in the middle of nowhere.  No lights, no phones, no motorcars.  Not a single luxury.  They're their to investigate some mock crime scenes to try and analyze the bodies and test their forensic knowledge.

And their professor is Michael Shanks, or Daniel Jackson from the Stargate tv series.  Seriously, the cast of this movie is awesome.

Things start going weird, and we slowly learn that the prison was used to run experiments on its prisoners, and that's part of the reason why the facility was shut down and abandoned.  Unfortunately, a few bodies got left behind, and now that they sense fresh meat, they're coming back to life and are ready to feed.

The movie isn't super original, but it does have its own take on zombies, with familiar elements from all over the canon, that make something unique but...not.  They're honestly not quite zombies, but with a few familiar features.  They're really more like mindless creatures.  They're smart, they're resourceful, they just keep coming...they're rotting Terminators, really.

I like this take on the tropes, and can forgive a little unoriginality for a unique setting, and cast.  None of these characters are, just like the zombies, quite familiar.  They're their own thing.  You don't have the jock, you don't have the stoner...they're all pretty smart, what with being successful college students and what not.  Their professor isn't a cliche, etc.

The movie somehow manages to tow this weird line between uniqueness and cliche, and I like it.

I really like the movie, to be honest.  It has a nice slow burn for the first half hour, letting the movie breathe, letting the characters poke around the dead bodies, slowly starting to see things going wrong...  And then the convicts awaken and shit hits the fan.  As it does with zombies.

Katharine Isabelle is easily the star here.  She is a total badass, kills most of the zombies, and seems to love it.  She seems to go more than a little manic after a few kills.  And the kills are TOUGH.  Sure, the usual blows to the head, but they don't make that easy.  These zombies take fucking beatings.  But they are no match for science!  Or guns.  But I do like science being used.  Katharine is a blast to watch her going to town on these creatures left and right.

The effects are great, with some truly gruesome things I don't think I've ever seen before, and these zombies have their own look.  Great makeup.  And I especially like that there were only THREE zombies, not a giant horde of them.  That's another nice change of pace.

Oh, but the movie is not perfect.  Like I've said, it's not that unique, but it somehow mixes things up enough to stumble into a fun unique way of its own that is familiar but not.  But there's also something refreshing in having a simple, familiar movie.

But it's not until the end of the movie, those last five seconds, when they do a bullshit cliffhanger ending that at once made me laugh, and made me want to fling the DVD across the room and set it on fire.  They had a great, satisfying resolution with our survivors, even getting some revenge on the lone person who knew the truth, but then just as they're about to escape, it becomes a giant question mark.  In a hilarious way that so fits the tone of the movie, but is also so frustrating that they went out on that question mark of did they ACTUALLY get out.

Sigh.

But that's just one mere shot at the end of a very solid movie, so I definitely recommend it.  It is a great little independent movie, with a real cast of real actors, and this is a very good movie otherwise.  I don't hold a fraction of it's 87 minute runtime against it.  As annoyed as I am by it.  I really want a sequel to learn more about the prison and the experiments.  This is a solid entry in the zombie genre, and I don't regret deciding to watch one more zombie flick.

NOW I'm done with zombies.

Until the next movie.

Or October, when Walking Dead returns.

J

What I'm Watching: The Collector/The Collection

Hey, it's a two for one review!

I recently watched The Collector, finally.  Mainly because I saw trailers for The Collection, and realised it was a sequel.  Oops.  I should watch the first one first, eh?

So I watched them both back to back, and here we are.

The general plot concerns a man who likes to go around to places, rig up elaborate traps, and then proceeds to get off watching his victims try and escape.  And fail miserably.

We do not find out who he is.

We do not find out why he's doing this.

We do not find out why he saves people.  At least, not entirely.

We DO get hints at these things, but I like that they are slowly dealing out information over the movies, and hope we get another one with some more answers.

I really, really enjoyed both of these movies.  Screw the popular reviews, they don't seem to get it.  Most of them complain about everything I just said, but not knowing who this guy is, that's part of the point.  They're playing on the same terror The Strangers played with, in that we never see these killers' faces, and they could literally be anyone, they could be the guy you walked by on the street, they could be your neighbours, they could be your best friend.  That is true terror, right there.

And hey, a little mystery is always fun.  Now, if we don't get answers, and the creator does assure us repeatedly that there ARE answers, that is indeed frustrating.

But back to the movies.

The first movie focuses on a single family and their home, and a handyman who is also a recently released ex-con.  He gets caught in the mix when he breaks into the house to retrieve something, and ends up being the main rival of the Collector.  It's a great dichotomy to have this one criminal striving for redemption going against another criminal who really just doesn't give a shit.

Josh Stewart does a great job as the lead, and with so much of his creeping around the rigged house having to be done in silence to avoid the Collector, he has to do a lot with very little, and he does it amazingly well.  The cat and mouse between the two is SO well shot.  Both of these, if done poorly, would have killed the movie right there, but both just sing.  Great filmmaking.

The second movie deals with the fallout of the first, with Josh's character coming back into contact with the Collector in his base of operations, and with a team of cannon fodder...er, bodyguards with their own agenda that just so happens to coincide.

I prefer the first movie because the scale is more intimate and you get to really get to know everyone very well, and with everything being turned up to 11 for the sequel, you lose a bit of that.  But just a bit.  The insanity of an entire hotel turned into a series of death traps makes up for maybe a little less care being taken in characterisation.

The story arc for Josh's character in both films is well played, starting with him being the ex-con, wanting to just get in and get out of the house, but slowly finding his courage and rising to the occasion.  And the second movie when his courage leaves him, and almost being his downfall.  Fortunately there is a resounding moment of the damsel in distress saying screw that, and saving herself AND Josh.

The Collector himself is a great addition to the horror pantheon of bad guys.  He holds his own with so many, and I love the way he's played like this insect-like predator.  He's calm, quiet, detached, and the way he moves, the way he acts...just a thrill to watch, with almost no dialogue, again.  The acting in these movies almost blows me away, within the context of what they're working with.

And yes, you'll hear these are from a few people involved in the later Saw films, but these are SOO much better.  And yes, that means gore, but I don't think that got as bad as some people think it did, or maybe afraid of it getting.  Just brace your stomach and gives these films a chance if you want some crazy fun action and terror.  It's like Home Alone on crack, with the sequel being, and I realise this is a bit of an old, obscure reference, the Hotel Cabal from Gargoyles.

J

What I'm Watching: Bio-Slime

Well, this was interesting.

Bio-Slime is a little movie about a sludgey creature being realised in a loft/apartment complex and has a blast eating everyone up.

I quite frankly thought this was going to be terrible.

It's low to no budget, it's not a terribly unique plot, and the whiff of bad acting was coming off the DVD.

But uh...I actually rather liked this?

Yes, the acting is terrible.  TERRIBLE!  But it's one of those things when you know they only had a take, maybe two, for any given shot that you kinda shrug and accept it.  So many line deliveries made me wince.

As did so many plot holes.

But...but...they were having fun, they really were.  And surprisingly, the effects were VERY good for this level of thing.  Seriously, just for the effects alone this is worth seeing.  There is some great slime work, great creature design, and some okay to dodgy CG work.  But they stick with practical effects for the most part.

The setup is terribly complex, having the briefcase containing our creature, supposedly created in a lab?  By the government?  But also says it's very old?  It's never really clear on the origins, but oh well.  Anyways, the briefcase passes through several hands in several deals going wrong, and double crosses up the wazoo.  It eventually ends up in the apartment of an artist, who, I shit you not, looks in the briefcase and decides to twist the keys to release the thing from the container, because that's a thing you do!

That's the reason things go wrong, right there.  He did it for shits and giggles.  And he was drunk.  Oh my gods.

That level of ballsy, insane plotting is ALL over Bio-Slime.  They decide to toss out any pretense for trying to have breasts in the movie and just say, you know what?  Let's have the artist living/working next door to a low-rent porno business.  Instant excuses to show flesh!

But yeah, the writing is so laughable, but in the good way, and the effects are great, with creative kills.

This movie somehow manages to be at once utterly bad, and amazing to watch.  And even without the enterainment value, it is still better than Clown Hunt.

Who knew I would be pleasantly surprised by a killer assimilating slime movie that doesn't like alcohol?  It really is the exact sort of movie that this site, and Trisk fans, should love.  So bad, but so fun, all at once.

J

What I'm Watching: House Hunting

Hmm, I should probably ditch Santa and his hatchet from the side, huh?  Bah, it's in the middle of a blizzard right now, so I feel entirely justified leaving Santa there in the middle of March!

Anyways, in the frequent category of "Movies I ran into randomly and sounded interesting enough to check out" we have House Hunting.

This is a unique take on...it's not quite a haunted house movie, but definitely falls into the 'this is a weird house!' sort of movie.

A pair of families both get invited to an open house to check out some property, and since the price is such a steal, they both eagerly come.  But once they get there, they run into a strange, mute girl, and discover that try as hard as they can, they can't leave!

This is an interesting inversion on the haunted house you can't leave.  We've all seen the gimmick where they walk through a door, or go through a window, and come right back through the front door, or whatever, like they are staying at the Hotel Escher.  But in House Hunting, the house remains relatively normal, and it is the property itself you can't leave.  Drive off, and you drive right back to the front door!  Try walking away, crest that hill in the distance...and you see the house back in front of you!  I like this as a twist on a familiar formula.

As the two families try and escape, and try and figure out what's going on, secrets come out, and dead bodies pile up.  The answers to what's going on are not completely satisfying, but they do an okay job.  They try and tie these two families together with events in the house's history, but when more families arrive at the very end, and you realise there were families before the movie started, you have to wonder just how many people screwed over the previous true residents of this house, and just WHY they've infested this locale with such weirdness.

Well, you get the why, they explain enough reasons *why* they're pissed off spirits, but you don't get the *how* of it all.  Like I said, not entirely satisfying.

But the acting is solid from most of the cast, and you are intrigued to see who will survive, who is most fucked up, and they are capably lead by veteran genre actor, Marc Singer.  Who does a great job as one of the family patriarchs, who gets really REALLY dark by the end of the movie.  A great turn, for the former Beastmaster.

So, while there's a few flaws, it is at least a unique take on a familiar formula, with a solid cast.  If you want something off the beaten path that is very good for what it ends up being, this is a good way to kill 90 minutes.

But I am left wondering...if the girl was mute, why didn't she just pick up pencil and paper?  Sure, she can't speak out all the answers she could give, but there are other ways to communicate...

J

What I'm Watching: Messages Deleted

Back to the pile of little known thrillers I have lurking on my DVR, I've got Messages Deleted.

I like the idea this movie has, and even did a few movies like this for Trisk.  A writing professor starts having dead bodies pile up around him, and it becomes increasingly clear that these murders are based off a script he wrote some time ago.

It's kinda at home sitting next to Horror 101/102, although I will say this movie was better.

It stars Matthew Lillard as the professor, and he does an okay job.  I'm not a huge fan of his, and find most of his characters to be overly same-y.  But he pulls this off well enough.  It's still Lillard being his usual self, but it works well for the douchey writer type he's doing here.  Hey, if you're going to be typecast, at least make it work for the character, right?

The plot relies a little too heavily on convenience and coincidence though, as many of these movies do, but this one seems to do so more than others.  And you can kinda see some of the twists coming a mile away.  It piled on a few extra ones though that were pleasant enough surprises.

Even if they did just serve to overly complicate an already complex movie.

If Messages Deleted didn't go for as many twists, and stuck with a more standard narrative, this would have been a perfectly acceptable movie, but as it twists and turns back on itself in the last few minutes, it breaks under the weight of its own cleverness.  I still appreciate it for trying, but it just went that one or two twists too far.

I would say I mostly liked the movie, and found the journey to be intriguing, but ultimately the movie just shoots itself in the face.  It's a fun ride that ends up more or less where you'd expect, even if it takes the scenic route to get there.  And it will make you want to smack the driver in the back of the head when it's done.

Which is a weird way to give it a slightly above average recommendation, I guess. ;)

J

What I'm Watching: Silent Hill - Revelation

Or Silent Hill 2, or Silent Hill: Revelation 3D or "Hey, look, a sequel with Sean Bean in it because he actually survived the first!"

First off, I have never played a moment of any SH game.  I am loosely familiar with the mythology and psychology of the property though, but far from an expert.

I was pleasantly surprised by this movie.

The first didn't blow me away, but it was definitely a solid thriller, although even *I* could tell that it was a bit off the beaten path from Silent Hill.  It wasn't bad in that respect, but it did play a bit fast and loose.

The second was closer, as far as I can tell, although I'm sure every SH fan reading these words is yelling at me right now. ;)

I think they nailed the core of what the series is, and at least did a fair job of the purpose and symbolism of the monsters was in the games, and translated it fairly enough to the screen.  It's not exact, but much like the Marvel Comics movies, they get the feel and spirit of the thing right.

The first few minutes was creepy as hell, and it drew me right in.  And it just got creepier as the movie went on.  There is some truly startling imagery here, as anyone who's familiar with the games would know.  Silent Hill has A LOOK and the movie definitely gets that right.

The acting is good, Sean Bean's part goes without saying.  Sharon/Alessa does a good job of playing the dual role, doing well with the innocence and the darkness.  I honestly wasn't sure they were the same person at first.

It's got a solid story that delves into the origins of the town, and the people in it, and they do a good job of presenting that story for the masses.  Is it exactly like the games?  Nah, but it works well for a film.

I definitely gives this movie a recommendation, and even for people who love the games, you should find plenty here to enjoy as well.

J

What I'm Watching: Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

With a snowstorm on the way, and one last day of 2D showings here, I rushed out to the local theatre so I could see Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters.

Now, I get why this might not be a movie on a lot of people's radars.  It does look a little silly.  The trailers go for that very tongue in cheek kinda vibe, and this is definitely an updating that is a bit unique and a little out there from the norm.

But oh, if you can see this movie, you should.  It really is a lot of fun.

It's not a great movie, it has some plot holes, but it's a fun little supernatural action movie that plays in the Grimm milieu in fun ways.  I honestly wish they'd dropped MORE Grimm references, but what was there that I recognised was welcome.

The movie centers around the eponymous characters, years after their well-known survival from being eaten by a witch in a house made of candy.  They've taken up the role of witch hunters as a bit of vengeance for what happened to them.  Here we find them coming into a town plagued by witches kidnapping their children, and the plot is about them trying to figure out what's going on.

The mystery unfolds well, even if there are no major surprises here.  The twists they do offer are all pretty obvious, but presented well enough.  There's nothing wrong with a solid, classic story.

I most love that Hansel & Gretel, played by Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton, are almost overly stereotypical modern day action hero characters.  But they've been dropped straight into a middle ages setting, and they have no patience at all for the bullshit that these two tones create.  It's like they took the two wildly different archetypes, slammed them together, and watched the chaos from how they just do not fit together.

The movie is cut from the same cloth as Van Helsing.  It is very much that same sort of tone and universe, but whereas VH could sometimes take itself VERY seriously, and tried to convince you that it was just that to the point of being unable to take it seriously, this movie knows its sense of humour.  It knows it is not serious, and never really tries to be, even in the more serious character driven moments.

If there's anything you liked about Van Helsing, you'll find more of the same here, but IMO presented in a much better way, with the appropriate sense of humour.

There's a lot of great deaths, some great additions to the mythos, and I love what they added to Hansel's backstory.  I won't ruin it here.

It was a lot of fun, and a great bit of popcorn entertainment for just under 90 minutes.  They got most everything they needed to right.  I knew what to expect going into this, and I wasn't disappointed.

J

What I'm Watching: The Following

Ahh, a little tv this time around, eh?

I'd been hearing about The Following for awhile, and it sounded more or less up my alley.  I like the occasional mystery, especially a good murder mystery.

The use of the internet for the criminal mastermind to build his cult was also a uniquely fascinating idea, although I did have the fear that it would come across as something talking about the evils of the internet.  Fortunately, they did NOT go that route, and in fact, the internet is a very small part of it.  It's a tool that is used, nothing more.  And that is exactly how it should be.

I've watched the first two episodes so far, but not the most recent.  The show centers around a serial killer who was captured eight years ago after a murder spree inspired by Edgar Allen Poe.  He escapes, but is quickly brought back to prison.  But that's when everything starts to go wrong.  While he was in prison, he established connections with various other like-minded individuals who want to be inspired by him like he was by Poe, and are his, yes, following.

They do some interesting tricks with storytelling, bouncing all around the timeline with pertinent information.  They have their share of decent twists, and some good murders already in the first couple episodes.  But it does have that vague feel of, "Well, we've seen all this before, haven't we?"

And yeah, we kinda have.  There is very little new here, it's quite derivative, and yet, it's well done.  The cast is great, headlined by Kevin Bacon and James Purefoy, and it's well made.  So while it is a bit 'been there, done that', it is at least very well done that before.

I'm also a huge Poe fan, naturally, and I am totally geeking out over all the references and fun little touches.  That brings a nice deal of unique voice to the show, and gives it that sense of being its own thing and not just "Seven: The Series".  Also, having both of the leads being authors, and having that sense of storytelling and the hero's journey being used deliberately by the villain gives it a great metatextual feel that I hope continues through the series.

It is definitely worth checking out, and I hope this is the case of a single season story and we're done.  I don't want to see this dragged out for years.  This should be done as a rock solid miniseries, not an ongoing, never-ending series like everything else.

I don't love it, but I don't hate it, and there's enough here to keep me interested, so give it a shot yourselves!

J

What I'm Watching: Branded

When I saw trailers for this movie, I knew I had to see it.

They started off with typical marketing, and the tricks behind them, and it looked fun in a very vaguely They Live kinda way.  AND THEN THE CORPORATE LOGOS CAME TO LIFE AND BROKE SHIT UP.

Aww yeah.

Sadly, the movie does not live up to the WTFery of that trailer.  But you kinda knew it couldn't, right?

The movie is about Misha, a man with a gift for marketing and selling things to people who don't need them, and convincing people.  He eventually realises his powers are being used for nefarious means, and he recedes from society.

Upon his return, he discovers that various marketing brands have taken on a life of their own, are feeding off the attention people give them, and are growing large and fat upon our love.  Possibly our souls.

There's something there, and like I said, it WANTS to push a lot of the same buttons as They Live, but it drops the ball so many times.  The first third of the movie is almost a disertation on the theories and practices of marketing.  Possibly something necessary for the movie, but it could have been handled better.  I actually found it a well done version of these facts, but it took WAY too long to get to what I wanted to see.

Sadly, the brand creatures were also a let down.  I love the insanity of it still, but they really have no plan.  They have no origin.  They have no POINT.  They're just there, growing, feeding, and burfing around.  They're not invaders, they're not monsters, they're just memes given form that no one can see, so they truly have no real bearing on anything.  Sure, they drive Misha to take them down, but there's no real clear reason WHY, besides him not liking to see them latched on to everyone.  It's never made clear that there is anything malicious about them, either through their intent or just by existing and feeding on humanity.

I was really left scratching my head at what the point of it all was.  Marketing is evil seems to be the main thrust of the movie, and I get that, but trying to shoehorn it in with the rest of the stuff...it almost seems too on the nose, with a lot of distracting stuff that doesn't quite belong.

It's a well-made movie, and the acting is actually really freaking good, but the story just...stumbles at every opportunity.

But like I said, there's something here.  The idea isn't a bad one.  And I will say, I love, LOVE LOVE LOVE, that this is a unique idea.  That is blood refreshing to see.  Yes, it has some similarities to They Live, but they really are only there on the surface.

On the whole, I'd say I lean more towards liking the movie, despite a lot of flaws and a story that didn't quite pull together completely.  Maybe that's because it was partly made by Russians and something is getting lost 'in the translation' as it were.  The marketing stuff was quite fascinating, the ideas were big and fun, and wow to see some of the visuals they did.  But I just wish the whole was greater than the sum of those parts.  And that some of the parts were better.

If you want to see something strange and truly unique, you could do worse than this movie.  And I'm sure some people will quite enjoy this.  It might even grow on me.  The commentary track on the DVD definitely gave some insights and gave me a broader appreciation, if not outright love for the movie.

I appreciate what they were trying to do here, and the uniqueness, and that deserves to be credited, if nothing else.

J

What I'm Watching: Dead Snow

This movie has been around for awhile, and I've been meaning to watch it forever, but just never got around to it, for a number of reasons.  A friend bugged me about it, and I saw I could watch it on Amazon Prime, and finally did just that!

This movie is AMAZING.

It is, quite possibly, in my top five zombie movies of all time.  Definitely top 10?  Maybe?  I hate lists.

The plot is, much like Dredd, very straight forward.  Your typical kids head off to a weekend stay in a cabin off in the woods.  While there, they end up running afoul of a lost group of Nazi soliders.

Who happen to be zombies.

The characters manage to be pretty likable, even despite the language barrier.  Yes, this movie is subtitled.  But you don't need words for zombie carnage.

The plot is just different enough that this doesn't feel like a complete retread of *either* zombie movies, or the 'cabin in the woods' subgenre.

Putting zombies in the snow makes them all the more terrifying, because you can have them hidden in plain sight.  And the blood stains on the pure white snow is great, visually.

Almost every single death of a major character is fun and inventive, and the carnage of the zombies is over the top, amazing, and just perfect.  And boy, was there a ton of Nazi zombies to hack up!  The movie was just moving along nicely, nothing special, doing it's thing, but it went to a whole new level when the literally never ending stream of Nazis JUST KEPT COMING.  That put the movie over the top for me, and I am grateful for it.

If you're a zombie fan, or a fan of movies on this sight, Dead Snow is a MUST SEE.  I enjoyed it thoroughly, and now that I've seen it, will be adding it to my collection soon.

J

What I'm Watching: Dredd

Today on the 'finally got to see' pile, I've got a healthy heaping of Dredd.

Now, I'm a fan of the original Stallone Dredd movie.  Yes, it's cheesy as hell, and it's pretty bad at parts, but it has its fun about it.  But it is a poor representation of the concepts of the actual character and original comics.

It goes without saying that there is great trepidation going into this movie.  In fact, memories of that first movie are so strong in people, I would wager that as a major factor in why Dredd did so poorly in the theaters this time around.

Which is a shame, because this movie is actually really good.  Or at the very least, leaps and bounds above the original film, and much closer in tone and ideas to the comics.

This is the Dredd movie we always should have had.

The plot is very straightforward.  Dredd is breaking in a rookie, Psi-Judge Anderson, and on a routine call to deal with a little case of murder in a mega-block (Picture an apartment complex of doom), they discover a drug-running project, get locked in, and have to fight their way through a couple hundred floors of thugs to take them down, before they end up as another pair of bodies on the pavement.

There's no huge twists, like I said it is very straightforward, and you know what?  There is nothing wrong with that.  Heck, it is almost refreshing.  It's just Dredd and Anderson fighting to survive and get to the bottom of the crime family, while fighting to the top of the building.  It's a simple story of crime and survival, and it does it really well.

The movie is very pretty, using some amazing colouring, design, and slow motion effects to make for some very well done action sequences that never feel overblown or too much style.  Each one moves the story forward, and is there for plot.  And coolness, but they serve purpose as well.

Karl Urban is amazing as Dredd.  He's a far cry from Stallone's over the top performance.  He's stoic, to the point, and very direct in everything.  They also wisely never have him remove the helmet.  Dredd should be this faceless, grim, visage of fascistic order and law, and that is exactly what he is.

This was an enjoyable action movie in an interesting universe, with a fulfilling storyline that is just pure entertainment for 90 minutes.  It deserves better than it got, and you should check it out.

J

What I'm Watching: Guns, Girls, & Gambling

This is a bit different, but feels right at home.

I came across this movie pretty randomly when I was seeing what was coming out this month, and it instantly caught my eye as just being...odd.

And the more I looked into it, the odder it got.

And the more awesome and tempting.  So yeah, I had to get this.

We've got Christian Slater, Powers Booth, Gary Oldman, and a lot of familiar character actors all hunting down an Apache war mask (or is it?) stolen from a Native American casino by one of any number of Elvis impersonators.

No one can be trusted, everyone lies, everyone has secrets, everyone has greed in their hearts.  These are the themes in the movie, and they are explored as the mystery unfolds with a ton of laughs and just utterly insane circumstances.

The plot is very grindhouse, in its over the top ideas and execution of them, although it never goes for the grindhouse style in the filmmaking, which is probably for the best.  We saw how well that went with Modus Operandi.  But the DNA is still clearly there, in just the right amounts.

This movie is IN SANE.  Just...crazy.  It takes a bit to get going, but once it does, it does not let up.  I am sure there are plot holes large enough to drive a bus through, that only get wider as the final act reveals twist upon twist, but it still adds up pretty well.  And is fun enough that I do not care.  I was along for the ride 100%.

The movie is far from perfect.  The acting is cheesy, the plot is insane in bad ways too, maybe a little too crazy, but this is likely entirely intentional, much like Hudson Hawk.  So I don't hold it against the movie, and in fact, it is part of the charm.  But the flaws might not be for everyone.

I absolutely had a blast watching this, and it is surely worth a look for anyone who is a fan of a good, if insane and maybe not entirely coherent mystery.

And how can you go wrong with a bad-ass woman quoting Edgar Allen Poe at every turn?

What I'm Watching: Looper

Happy New Year!

I kicked off 2013, with one of the movies I wanted to see most in 2012, but just could not manage to do so, Looper.

Sadly, and it may have been my high expectations for what looked like an amazing and creative time travel movie, but it just did not grab me.

The movie WAS creative, and did some interesting things with what their idea of time travel was, and how changing the you of now would affect you of the future if he was in the present.  Fun, fun stuff, and damned creepy too.

The acting was solid, and while I never buy into JGL being a young Bruce Willis, they're both great to watch on screen, and he captures enough of Bruce's mannerisms and quirks that it's good enough.  Heck, movies ask us to belive people are related all the time, and we go with that, so this is fine.

I think where the movie stumbled was that it just didn't feel like it needed time travel.  It really is a pretty simple storyline, and all the time travel does is make the storytelling tricks become increasingly complex, when they don't really need to be.  The movie almost outthinks itself in this way.

But there's enough here to like, for many people, it just didn't grab me.  And that may well be my wanting to see it so bad, and waiting so long.  It may also be a matter of my mind being in 'critic mode' the first time I watched it, like it often is.  I can tell there's good in there, and this movie has a high probability to grow on me over time.

If you want a unique take on time travel theories, told inventively, then you really should see this movie.  I'm just not sure what else the movie is beyond clever narratives.

It certainly isn't a BAD movie, it just didn't click with me today, but maybe it will tomorrow.  Definitely give it a chance!

Or maybe it will yesterday. ;)

J

What I'm Watching: Osombie

So they made a movie.

A movie about an undead zombie Osama Bin Laden.

Called...Osombie.

HOW COULD I SAY NO??

This...sounds like it's gonna be terrible, isn't it?

I had major fears that it would come out and be nothing more than people running around, shooting zombie terrorists, and basically using it as an excuse to shoot Muslims.

And while you can kinda look at it that way, I think that would more be the case of the viewer seeing what they want to see.

This movie...well, it surprised me.

Fortunately, the actual "Osombie" is a very minor part of the overall plot.  Yes, there is some zombie Osama, but most of the movie is about the terrorist zombie horde, with him in the distant background, and really little more than a MacGuffin.  Whew.

The soldiering was WAY better than Zombie Strippers.  I'm no expert, and I'm sure a real soldier would nitpick the HELL out of this, it was fine enough by my standards.  If an actor believes what they're doing, makes ME believe what they're doing, they can usually do the most absurd shit and I'll buy it.  And they mostly pulled that off here.  The acting and soldier stuff was credible enough.

The acting was pretty decent, or decent enough for this sort of thing.  I'm not expecting Shakespeare, right?  They did their jobs well enough.  The writing helped, too.  Each soldier was well defined, and not just a fighting caricature.  They came away with depth, histories, and personalities.  VERY surprising in a movie like this, and even more so in the insane sort of plot this movie has.

You really come into this movie expecting nothing.  Nothing but sadness and pain.  So with such low expectations to have a movie with a decent enough story, even if it is very straightforward from point A to point B, then fill it with three dimensional characters, and even THEN handle the situation with us dealing with Muslim civilians with something of a deft touch and respect...

Yeah, I came away actually enjoying myself.

Granted, you should be warned that a lotta Muslim zombies go down, and a few American soldiers too.  Those things could push some people's buttons, but I think with them going into this movie knowing what they were going to have to do, they handled things well enough.

I'd actually say this is worth seeing if you get the chance.

Huh.

Whoda thunk?